I have a friend who drowned in a bowl of museli.
A strong currant pulled him under.
Time for some Christmas cracker crap jokes. Page 2
I tried changing my computer passwords.
I wanted to use "BeefStew" but it was rejected as it wasn't stroganoff.
Quote: Harry315 @ 27th December 2012, 11:44 PMI have a friend who drowned in a bowl of museli.
A strong currant pulled him under.
What does a cow have for breakfast? Moooooslie.
Q. What's the difference between a recent Doctor Who script and a bucket of s**t?
A. The bucket.
I'm so excited about the next Dr Who series, I'm having a party last week.
Since early October 2018, residents of Tunbridge Wells have been concerned about mysterious seismic activity in the vicinity of the local cemetery.
Following a three-month investigation, experts from the University of Kent have determined that the source of the disturbance is William Hartnell spinning in his grave.
Erumph... Crappy Christmas cracker jokes
What does a snowman have in common with head lice?
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.Walking in the hair.
What does Eminem write his lyrics on?
Wrapping paper.
What happened when Joseph and Mary dropped a plate? Jesus swept.
The organisers of Crufts, the world-famous dog show, have gone bankrupt.
They've had to call in the Official Retriever.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 4th January 2019, 1:40 PMWhat happened when Joseph and Mary dropped a plate? Jesus swept.
That's one for Basil Brush. Broom-broom. Mind you, how was Jesus even born, considering Joseph and Mary had never previously swept together?
I put two sticks of dynamite up Basil Brush.
Jesus soiled his first nappy. Holy shit!
I have a 1950's Christmas theme running and to compliment it I bought some crackers from that period off eBay, which I have to say have better hats and gifts than crackers bought in the 21st century, BUT
Can somebody explain this joke from one of the crackers to me. I've read it a number of times I simply do not get it :-
"Why is a joke like a chicken?"
"Because it contains a merry thought"
Nope................. 
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 26th December 2020, 12:32 AMI have a 1950's Christmas theme running and to compliment it I bought some crackers from that period off eBay, which I have to say have better hats and gifts than crackers bought in the 21st century, BUT
Can somebody explain this joke from one of the crackers to me. I've read it a number of times I simply do not get it :-
"Why is a joke like a chicken?"
"Because it contains a merry thought"
Nope.................
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/merrythought
No, nor me.
I think my mother wants a CD this year. She said, I want to get my hands on some Randy Newman.