This post is off-topic.
Tell us a joke Page 240
John Lennon seducing feathers. 'Let me take you, down.'
I was in a bar last night and some guy was hitting on me. I wasn't interested at first but he bought me a gin and tonic, then another, then another . . . then another. At the end of the night, he asked me if I'd like to go back to his place, so I said yes. What else could I do? He'd Schwepped me off my feet.
John Lennon changes his mind. 'Don't let me, down.'
I've started drinking brake fluid but it's not a problem. I can stop any time I want.
I asked Freddy Mercury how many virgins he'd like to deflower. He said, I want to break three.
Hi men.
I'm just as much against gender assumptions as the next man.
I have a flask that keeps cold things cold and hot things hot, but how does it know what's hot and what's cold?!
Turns out it's impregnated with Corona virus, which communicates with 5G masts that then transmits signals to the chips in our brains, which relay messages to Microsoft, then on to Bill Gates. He passes on all that information to his reptile alien overlords who control the hot/cold settings on flasks throughout the galaxy. Obvious really.
My mother can't decide whether to fellate Africans or Eskimos, so she blows hot and cold.
I'm also struggling with a difficult decision. I can't decide if I should get engaged to my boyfriend. If I get engaged, on the one hand I'll have a beautiful diamond ring to show off but on the other hand I WON'T.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 30th August 2020, 10:19 AMMy mother can't decide whether to fellate Africans or Eskimos, so she blows hot and cold.
One your best MM surely.
A compliment. That's three more than usual.
My dad has green fingers. C**t's been dead for six months.
This is not a good joke, but on the plus side, I actually dreamt this, it might be the first time I've come up with a functioning pun in my sleep.
How did the area manager know which of their landlords had not cleaned the pub toilets?
Based purely on inn stink.
My dad was so upset after the divorce, he said, Michael, don't ever mention that woman again. I said, It's all right, Dad. Mum's the word.