I'm not sure the OCD thing would be so obvious without the script prompt.
Teenager and a vacuum cleaner Page 2
If he's just a really tidy teenager it's funnier to me and odder.
Quote: Griff @ January 23 2011, 5:30 PM GMTThe laugh (to me) is the OCD thing ie the "Now I'm going to have to do it all again" aspect.
Not much of a laugh, really. It definitely needs something else.
Quote: Griff @ January 23 2011, 5:36 PM GMTI think if the teenager's look is right and the room is "tidy" in a freakish way, "Now I'm going to have to do it all again" would bring the OCD punch fine.
Complete with a nasally whine of a voice? Maybe.
Quote: Ben @ January 23 2011, 5:33 PM GMTI'm not sure the OCD thing would be so obvious without the script prompt.
Spot on. But when Badge said as much, the OP just glossed over it.
Quote: don rushmore @ January 23 2011, 5:39 PM GMTSpot on. But when Badge said as much, the OP just glossed over it.
To be fair to him he's added a bit of dust. If the OCD angle can be pulled off I think it's a neat sketch.
Quote: Ben @ January 23 2011, 5:25 PM GMTWhat the Stott said. It's no shock that he's not self pleasuring. The reveal doesn't confound our expectations, so it doesn't work. Not sure what to suggest to help.
Yeah, Stott said it first. 
As I've said in the OP, it's an idea, and not a fully fleshed out script. And if my lazyness is anything to go by, it'll be ages before I pull my finger out of my arse and get it done.
Thanks for all the constructive criticism 
(unlike what I received in the thread about my ditties, below, grr lol)
You could have it so when the door opens it is him standing there smartly dressed and all - but this is one of those cardboard paintings that she falls for - behind which the real boy is f**king the hoover?
Then zoom out of that and it is shown playing on a VCR which the boy turns off quickly as his mum enters the room to ask for the hoover.
Work that one out haha
Or an even sicker idea;
You could have all of the family playing a sort of strip-poker-type Cluedo that they have made themselves and it is the boy's turn and he gets 'The hoover in the Dining Room for two hours" and his mum just says "Off you trot then son." Followed by all of his family members nodding.
Wowthat's pretty f**ked.
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