British Comedy Guide

Coronavirus Page 62

This weekend is going to be a weekend like no other before it.

Millions of people cramming themselves together - eating, drinking, dancing, taking drugs, fighting, having sex, vomiting and looking for public loos that are very firmly locked.

It's going to be a very noisy, nasty, violent, messy start to the second wave of coronavirus that will hit us over the next few weeks.

They think it's all over - it is now.

But not in the way they think.

What do you mean second wave? You are still drowning in the first.

Quote: john tregorran @ 30th June 2020, 11:07 PM

What do you mean second wave? You are still drowning in the first.

Whether that is technically correct or not, to a drowning man it's a moot point. Laughing out loud

Oh dear ,are straws banned in the UK now ?.............

Quote: john tregorran @ 30th June 2020, 11:23 PM

Oh dear ,are straws banned in the UK now ?.............

Not yet, but the sooner plastic straws are banned, the better. As for "second waves" in Europe, some are blaming a gathering of Smurfs in France: https://www.businessinsider.com/france-landerneau-guinness-world-record-smurf-festival-coronavirus-outbreak-2020-3?r=US&IR=T

Reports today suggest that further local lockdowns in England are just days away.

Common sense today suggests that a complete national lockdown in England isn't much further away.

And Boris is still going ahead with "Super Saturday" - a multi-million-citizen drinking and partying binge this weekend?

You couldn't make it up. Laughing out loud

Quote: john tregorran @ 30th June 2020, 11:23 PM

Oh dear ,are straws banned in the UK now ?.............

For anyone over the age of 6 - I bloody hope so.

It's all ok everyone.A famous virus expert has declared it's just going to disappear.
Phew!That was close.

Quote: john tregorran @ 2nd July 2020, 7:00 AM

It's all ok everyone.A famous virus expert has declared it's just going to disappear.
Phew!That was close.

Struth, we're all doomed, Cobblers. :(

I've just realised why Boris is abandoning lockdown. Coronavirus has already claimed 40,000 lives in the UK. He wants to get that number up to 3 million as soon as possible so he can replace the f*ckers with all the Chinese immigrants he's so keen to have here and nobody will notice the increase in population!

I'm on to you, Boris! Laughing out loud

I didn't think he had any sort of plan about anything.

The government seems determined to get kids back into the classroom.

Somebody once sang, "I believe that children are our future."

As true as that may be (in a sense), in the world of coronavirus they are very likely to rob countless Britons of their futures - as well as robbing them of friends and family members.

As wonderful as children can be, they can also be flourishing hotbeds of disease.

As I've said before, when the kids go back to school, many of them will pick up coronavirus and carry it back home.

They'll infect families, friends and neighbours who will, in turn, do the same . . . etc, etc, etc.

On the bright side, however, many of us will have had a few pints and a few get-togethers with our friends before we catch it.

And, of course, most of us won't die from it.

What am I saying? If I carry on like this, I'll talk myself into thinking the return to school is a good idea! :O

Quote: Kenneth @ 1st July 2020, 2:33 AM

Not yet, but the sooner plastic straws are banned, the better. As for "second waves" in Europe, some are blaming a gathering of Smurfs in France: https://www.businessinsider.com/france-landerneau-guinness-world-record-smurf-festival-coronavirus-outbreak-2020-3?r=US&IR=T

And its very hard to tell if a smurf is having trouble breathing

I think the thing about the smurfs is that only two letters of their name is in the first half of the alphabet.

Much the same is true of God and London.

One coronavirus patient described in the paper, a 55-year-old woman with no history of psychiatric illness, began to behave oddly the day after she was discharged from hospital.

She repeatedly put her coat on and took it off again and began to hallucinate, reporting that she saw monkeys and lions in her house. She was readmitted to hospital and gradually improved on antipsychotic medication.

Shit!

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