Tell us a joke Page 233

What's ugly, has 14 legs and only f**ks with men? Law and Order.

Young superbrat John McEnroe would get so wound up learning to play tennis and shouting at his coaches all day that he could never sleep at night. After Valium and straight jackets had failed to keep him restful at bedtime a child psychologist persuaded his parents to buy him a state of the art telescope with night sky maps for his tenth birthday to occupy him quietly at night whilst calming him down.

So on that night John's parents finally slept blissfully without earmuffs until about 4am when they were woken by a loud crash of something delicate being smashed against his bedroom wall followed by him screaming 'You Cannot Be Sirius!'

I dreamed I was playing tennis with the Spice Girls nude. The score got to deuce, and so did I.

Welcome to this short tour of Tennyson country.

OK, that's Shalott.

An open letter to Michael Monkhouse. Why do you let everyone do the hard work of creating a gag and you suck off it like a leech?

I got a free blow job off a leech. What a sucker.
Lord Alfred said, Dad, what's the most boring sport in the world? - Tennis, son.

Arf. Blimey two ALT jokes in the same page, has he died or something?

I asked Arnie Schswartzer f**k that, I asked Arnie why he's so unsuccessful with women. He said Nine millimetre.

What do you call a Brit who f**ks his kid? Dickinson.
What do you call a tranny who f**ks his kid? Emily Dickinson.
What do you call a singer who f**ks his kid so often his penis hurts? Bruised Dickinson.

Dogs with bad pants need to change their fashion designers

What wears no pants, sits in a zoo and can't act? Knickerless Cage.

Two matchsticks go into a night club. One goes out with a Flumph and the other goes out with a poof

I went out with an italic, but it wasn't my type.

Do you know what I like most about the periodic table?
It does exactly what it says on the Sn

I refuse to make menstruation puns. Period.

I was throw out of the army for shouting 'stop' during parades

Turns out I was attention seeking

I couldn't understand why I never won on the funfair arcade machines

Then the penny dropped