JOHN SMITH IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET HUNCHED OVER
VO
Every day is a struggle for John. John is one of the estimated 2,000,000 arse holes living in the UK.
A WOMAN RUNS OUT OF HER HOUSE, CHARGES JOHN AND SMACKS HIM WITH A ROLLING PIN KNOCKING HIM OFF HIS FEET
CAMERA CREW RUNS UPTO JOHN
JOHN
Hello, I guess I deserved that, I drank the pint of milk the milk men left her, and then weed in the bottle. I'm an arsehole
VO
John where are you going today?
JOHN
AA
VO
Alcoholics Anonymous?
JOHN
No arseholes anonymous, we kept the initials, so when alkies turn up at the wrong meeting. We can all take the piss, and ask them down the pub and stuff. I know what you're thinking, but we can't help it, we're all arseholes.
INTERIOR A COMMUNITY CENTER A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ARE SITTING IN A CIRCLE ON PLASTIC CHAIRS. A WOMAN IS SPEEKING
WOMAN
So she says says, does this skirt make my bum look big? So I yanked by the changing room curtain and yelled what do you think to every one in Monsoon....she started to cry, and I said stop whining or you'll go into labour early, hang on you're not pregnant, just really fat.
SOCIAL WORKER TYPE CHAIRING MEETING
That's very brave of you to share that Jane, so few no the true pain of being an arse hole.
EVERY ONE CLAPS, JANE WEEPS SOFTLY INTO HER HANKEE
SOCIAL WORKER
So John, how's your week been?
JOHN
I was doing so well, till I...
SOCIAL WORKER
Till you what?
JOHN
I put pictures of naked men in all the prayer books, and wrote I like men's bums in all the bibles, and the giant crucifix, I shouldn't have.
A PRIEST WALKS UP BEHIND JOHN HE HAS A FULL SIZE SCULPTURE CRUCIFIX, JESUS HAS A LEATHER CAP ON, AND I AM A BUMMER SCRAWLED ON HIS CHEST. THERE ARE A BUNCH OF OTHER PARISHONERS. THEY DESCEND ON JOHN THE OTHERS FLEE
INTERIOR JOHN'S FLAT
JOHN
Well I got us banned from the Church hall. I thought Christians were all into forgivness, I can't help it I'm an arse hole. Any way, I'm off to my next AA meeting.
VO
Where are you meeting now?
JOHN
The local Synagogue said they'd put us up.
HIS COAT FALLS OPEN HE IS IN FULL SS UNIFORM, HE PUTS ON A CAP AND WALKS OUT THE DOOR CARRYING A COPY OF MEIN KAMPF
