Boris for sale

BORIS JOHNSON IS ON STAGE.

BORIS

You no it's really unfair to be labeled a racist. I recently paid, for I mean did some research. Turns out I'm descended from Turkish slaves. Yah, so if I'm like a slave, and Turkish then I can't be racist, or too posh or anything.

KEN WALKS ON HE HAS SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK

KEN

Yes Boris, I did the same research, and your right you are descended from Turkish slaves. So I bought you from Call me Dave, it only cost a fiver. Now your going to have to apologise to every one I lied, to insulted, or allowed Lee Jasper to hump.

BORIS

But that'll take for ever.

KEN PULLS OUT WHIP AND FLOGS BORIS

KEN

Mush you bumbling, straw haired clown. Wow I wandered what it's like to be a concentration camp guard. It's Great!

Ah......

Now I get it:

Alcohol....

Get a little booze down the old pipe and ye feel likes doing a bit of scribbling, eh wot?

Now it all makes sense...the poor punctuation skills...poor spelling...lack of genuine humour...

Yes....

I guess it's better than beating the wife & kids!

Have you finished yet, or are there any more sooty posts you can find to reply to?
Surely you can spread the sarcasm around a bit. We all want some.

No worries Zoo, by the way did you like the skit?

Might have made the mistake of basing it on an overly obscure news story.

I'm thinking you did, as I don't get it! It's the 'Call me Dave' bit that confuses me.

On an unrelated note, I would actually like to buy Boris.

And do what with him?

Not one of my finest. The Call me Dave, is one of those things that the greasy turd Cameron calls himself.

Quote: sootyj @ March 16, 2008, 2:27 PM

No worries Zoo...

View original

What he means is, he can take it. He knows the score: Cross the line, catch the flak.

What is flak anyways?

German acronym of Fliegerabwehrkanone. First attested 1940 as an anti-aircraft gun. Sense of "adverse criticism" attested since 1963.

Quote: JohnnyD @ March 16, 2008, 2:50 PM

Fliegerabwehrkanone.

View original

Christ. No wonder it needed a catchy nickname.
Thanks Johnny!

Sootyj I love the fact you write sketches for mainstream audiences and also ones that appear to be just for me

I'm sad to say I got all the references from the 'Call me Dave' chameleon PPB to the commandant comment. I thought it was very good but I suspect an audience may not be as politically atuned as I am e.g. they have lives.