'How can watching Netflix damage your testicles?' Asked the Doctor.
'Easy!' Said the patient. 'By getting caught by Anette's husband, Hans Flicks.'
Tell us a joke Page 229
As a cabbie, I wish celebs would sod off. I picked up Dionne Warwick the other day, why the hell would I know the way to San Jose?
... and don't even mention the fiasco of the time I picked up Tony Christie
When did McCartney do his only decent work? Yesterday.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 7th May 2020, 9:03 AMMcCartney
I am reminded by Michael's post of a true story which, because it's hilarious, may well qualify as a joke and thus be appropriate for this thread.
When we think about Paul McCartney's offspring, my guess is that almost every BCG member would quickly think of Stella.
He has, however, another daughter called Beatrice (now 16) and it is she who features in this little tale.
When Beatrice was at primary school, her mother Heather Mills attended a parents' evening.
The teacher told her that little Beatrice had a talent for music.
Without a hint of irony, Heather replied, "She gets that from me: I play the saxophone."
True story.
Saw a tramp with a dog and gave him a fiver. He said, How about a tip? I said, Eat the dog.
Linda said to Paul, You should be at Slotheringdon. He said, Be where, my love?
Linda said to Paul, Your Bsides are repetitive. He said, It's not true, it's not true, it's not true... It's not true.
Linda said to Paul, You sound like One Direction. He said, F**k off bitch.
You know the old english rhyme about magpies, "one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret, never to be told". We have a Russian version of that, too. One for sorrow, two for sorrow, three for sorrow and a KGB agent dressed as a magpie, and four through seven are ALL secret.
Quote: yshakhmetov @ 10th May 2020, 1:17 PMYou know the old english rhyme about magpies, "one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret, never to be told". We have a Russian version of that, too. One for sorrow, two for sorrow, three for sorrow and a KGB agent dressed as a magpie, and four through seven are ALL secret.
I gave up Scottish blow jobs after a wee taste.
For gamers...
I told the doctor I'm avoiding social situations by playing computer games 24/7. She thinks I might have WASD.
I wish Paul McCartney would learn to play the pipes of peace. Its gotta be better than listening to his tuneless caterwauling. Ooh my ears.
What's the difference between a tampax and The Best of McCartney? Wings.
Three washing powders in a pub. One bets that the other two can't drink thirteen Comforts. Persil turns to DAZ and says. 'That's a BOLD challenge!'
What's the difference between a marksman and a feminist? A marksman cocks your rifle.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it into a microwave, till its Marvin Gaye.
Or is it Bill Withers?
Hang on, its Stevie Wonder.
Phew, I nearly ballsed that one up......