Quote: DaButt @ 8th April 2020, 3:16 PMI've been steeling myself for the gradual loss of all the big musicians from the 60s and 70s as they become elderly, but imagine how bad it would be to lose Dylan and Townshend and Jagger all in the same week. I hope all those guys are out at sea on their yachts and staying away from this nasty disease.
I can live without Townshend and Jagger but if Bob goes, a huge chunk of my world goes with him. 
Quote: DaButt @ 8th April 2020, 3:16 PMI've been steeling myself for the gradual loss of all the big musicians from the 60s and 70s as they become elderly, but imagine how bad it would be to lose Dylan and Townshend and Jagger all in the same week. I hope all those guys are out at sea on their yachts and staying away from this nasty disease.
Or imagine if the three of them shared the same super yacht, HMS Glorified Waterpals, and one of the crew turned out to be a mysterious serial killer in cahoots with a great white shark. And then another crew member started showing symptoms of coronavirus, Would they sacrifice the sick person to the shark? Or would this unlikely supergroup trio of nautical chums find a way to sing their way out of trouble?
Quote: Kenneth @ 8th April 2020, 5:08 PMOr imagine if the three of them shared the same super yacht, HMS Glorified Waterpals, and one of the crew turned out to be a mysterious serial killer in cahoots with a great white shark. And then another crew member started showing symptoms of coronavirus, Would they sacrifice the sick person to the shark? Or would this unlikely supergroup trio of nautical chums find a way to sing their way out of trouble?
Errrrr........this has got to be an Oxbridge entrance exam question.........yes?
I'm with RE on this one.
Bob by miles.
But I'm also in lock down with Van, Joni, Bruce - and Neil Young.
Quote: Kenneth @ 8th April 2020, 5:08 PMOr imagine if the three of them shared the same super yacht, HMS Glorified Waterpals, and one of the crew turned out to be a mysterious serial killer in cahoots with a great white shark. And then another crew member started showing symptoms of coronavirus, Would they sacrifice the sick person to the shark? Or would this unlikely supergroup trio of nautical chums find a way to sing their way out of trouble?
But surely Pete Townshend wanted to die before he got old anyway?
And now a message from our sponsors......
This is a public health message from your Government. You heard it last two minutes ago. This is a public health message from your Government. It is broadcast every two minutes. It will be two minutely throughout this week. So you may get 100,000 signatures against it on a petition. There is no petition. There is no Parliament. There is only your Government. On Zoom. This is a public health message from your Government. Listen. Now. Then. Now. This Thursday, we will be in a festive period. That is bad. That is risky. That will be catastrophic if you insist it isn't just another day.
This is a.....Look. The festive period will peak on Sunday. Do not do bread. Do not share wine. Do not call it Easter. Do not finger a chocolate egg. Do not hold hands with a rabbit or kiss it. Do not nail yourself to two planks of wood that would look like an X if tilted by 90 degrees. Do not expose yourself to the sun on Friday even though there is always sun on Friday in this festive period. Do not sip droplets of rain on Monday even though there is always rain on Monday in this festive period. Listen. Look but not with your eyes. So, like, self-isolate and not just sort of or kind of. You are your own eyes's hospital. It is not up to you on whether to be a Doubting Thomas. This is your Government. We doubt for you.
This is a public health message from your Government. In our original calendar there were only ten months. April was February. April is now February. February is not a month for festive periods.You heard this two minutes ago. You will do again. And again. Again. Do not wear a bonnet. Bonnets don't work. Do not join a parade of more than one person. Do not arrange for your own resurrection. Coming back from the dead is bad. Coming back from the dead is risky. Your Government sees you wringing your hands. Wringing your hands doesn't work. Wash them. Or axe off your hands.
Warning. The non-existent festive period will peak on Sunday. It exists. It is real. It is risky. And it doesn't exist. It is that risky. Does our voice sound like it comes from an exceptionally low voiced doom monger? Yes, it does. And it doesn't. All the really low voiced doom mongers are dead. They were too festive. Death is what happened to them. You are lucky. Yes lucky. To have this low doom monger voice. Whatever you believe you are hearing, it is really a cheerful boy soprano. Take no notice of your 90 year old mother when she says she wants to listen to The Archers instead or else watch Vera.
This is a public health message on Zoom from your cheerful boy soprano who isn't festive in a non-existent festive period because it is always only February. Do not walk. Do not talk. Do not breathe a microbe. If your egg falls off your mantelpiece and the inner bag splits, sterilise each smartie. Toss every contaminated chocolate button over your nearest neighbour's fence. Use a two metre pitchfork to move the offending box to a safe 5G station even if it has a picture of a monkey on it. Do not doubt us. We doubt us on your behalves so that you will not need to doubt us. That is our eternal gift to the world. This was a public health message. And here is the same message. Do not. Repeat. Do not. Switch off.
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 8th April 2020, 6:05 PMBut surely Pete Townshend wanted to die before he got old anyway?
I think that ship sailed some time ago: he's 75 next month! 
The L Shaped and The S Shaped, Yus
Dr Sne on LBC (Leading Britian's Coranavirus-Conversation) advised a caller tonight that there are two strains of "the coronavirus" - the L shaped and the S Shaped. Some observers may be surprised to hear of a distinction given that it is rarely mentioned in the news and never remarked upon when statistics are presented. It transpires that the distinction to which he referred emanates from Peking University's School of Life Sciences and the Institute Pasteur of Shanghai.
A newer and more aggressive L type strain, the researchers said, accounted for about 70 per cent of the analysed cases while the rest were linked to the older S type version. The L type strain was found to be prevalent in the early stages of the outbreak in Wuhan, the Chinese city where it was first detected late last year. But its frequency decreased from early January, which the researchers attributed to human intervention, ie the Chinese Government. Ooh weren't they good!
But experts in the United Kingdom and elsewhere in the West not directly involved in the study said that while the findings were interesting, it was too soon to draw conclusions from the preliminary research. Commenting on the research, Dr Michael Skinner, reader in virology at the Imperial College London, said it was too early to speculate on any practical consequences based on what he called an "interesting observation". And you the humble reader will find it almost impossible to find anything on Google which supports the Chinese theory since it was announced on 6 March 2020.
There were two strains of SARS in the early 2000s so it would be quite easy to say that there are two strains of this virus now. Next, one of the best ways of fending off any slowly emerging alternative theory in the States that the virus is in fact the release of exosomes because it looks identical to exosome release is to say that it hasn't one shape but two shapes.
It is unclear why western scientists and media have dropped the Chinese theory like a stone for more than a month. Well, not so much like a stone as a news blackout. Scepticism will be at the heart of it but is there something more? Whatever, how odd of Dr Sne to be delving so far back in his medical references unless he is a trailer for what is about to be wheeled out again, this time to justify something or other by our own governments of which it is too soon to be sure?
In Other News
Smurfs
The Smurf death toll and even the Smurf case toll from Covid-19 is currently believed to be nil. This is extraordinary given President Macron's furious failed intervention to stop a Smurf convention taking place in Brittany in early/mid March. In the event, 3,500 people dressed as Smurfs crammed themselves in to the convention's town to frolic as Smurfs frolic.
Not all - probably the vast majority - will not have been from the town itself. But a month has gone by. Had a Smurf from elsewhere been taken ill, the media would have been at their bedside like lightning. Luckily, they have had no follow up story. Not even in the town where my research into its coronavirus figures shows that today those stats are exactly zero.
The State Loves a Lawbreaker
Tonight also from France but with wider application, obesity takes top billing in our news for the list of lawful conditions and activities - old age, alcohol, etc - which make you more vulnerable to Covid-19. In many ways, that completes the list of putting the frighteners on the lawful. It turns out that Covid-19 is more likely to lead to death in every group in which life itself is more likely to lead to death. This is both remarkable and totally unremarkable is it not. So it's a miracle.
And yet a search via Google for "coranavirus and cocaine", ".....and cannabis" and ".....and heroin" reveals that there we have a completely different aura. There is a tiny amount about possible adverse health consequences. More of it is neutral as in stories about how addicts are stockpiling and dealers are pricing up or as in blurring it so that it is a small piece in a much larger story about the vulnerability of homeless people. An equal amount is actually semi positive as in "Can cocaine really stop you getting Covid-19? (although the answer is no) and "How to Protect Your Cannabis Crops During This Virus". This too remarkably mirrors what we used to know as real life. The contrast in the vibe is identical.
Have Nukes Just Been Made Redundant?
One of the consequences of one person allegedly eating a bat and causing the world to collapse virtually overnight is that nuclear weapons now look a bit sillier. What is the point anymore of any country spending billions on such weapons rather than health? They can simply sit a so-called Islamic or far right wing terrorist down at a table in an enemy country and force them to eat a few flapping black wings there as punishment. And it is not just nukes. There doesn't seem to be any need for elaborate establishments that manufacture biological or chemical weapons either. Thank God Corbyn has stepped down for the wooden Sir Keir Starmer. In these circumstances, Red Jez would have become totally obnoxious.
Bloody Smurfs.
Another 887 deaths were added to the UK coronavirus total during the past 24 hours.
The youngest victim was 23, and 43 of the victims had no underlying health conditions.
The running total is now approaching 8000 UK dead.
An Easter miracle: 18 eggs just appeared on my doorstep. Thanks, Easter bunny!
Quote: Rood Eye @ 9th April 2020, 2:59 PMAnother 887 deaths were added to the UK coronavirus total during the past 24 hours.
The youngest victim was 23, and 43 of the victims had no underlying health conditions.
The running total is now approaching 8000 UK dead.
And how many of these died because they were forced into getting essential food in shops? Lord Adonis - a man with whom up till now I have disagreed on everything - calls for the resignation of the Head of Tesco. That is on the basis of Tesco accepting Government funding while handing out senior bonuses. But many might say that it is much worse.
Deaths Caused By Supermarkets
The Tesco boss and some other supermarket bosses are now blaming middle class and lower middle class households for stockpiling early on while currently delivery slots have totally petered out. Lets be clear about what is going on here. To the extent that stockpiling was taking place at all, that was done in many cases to reduce visits to supermarkets later and hence virus spread. It was also done on behalf of vulnerable family members and other members of the public.
The supermarkets have no way of knowing the extent of charity that was involved - a stepping in to fulfil the role that should have been undertaken by big companies and the state - so in the accusations of selfishness they protest too much. In any case, it was said by the same supermarkets that it hadn't affected the supply of goods to them so what exactly is their issue? Or are they lying? Many goods are unavailable. Their lack of adaptability is frankly stunning.
Most of the slots in all supermarkets are now allegedly reserved for vulnerable people. They say that they are going by the Government's list. But that list is 1.5 million people. Of itself, that is not enough. I have responsibility for a 90 year old who is on post double heart bypass medication, has osteoporosis and diverticulitis, is partially deaf and partially blind - but yes she can walk - and an 89 year old whose dementia is so severe that he has little concept of what year we are in, let alone that he should maintain social distance - although, yes, he can walk too. These people are not on that list.
If it hadn't been for me, and I live in a different house, they would have been in and out of buses and supermarkets - our nearest supermarket is a mile away and there is no car - with no protective support from these supermarkets or the Government. Personally, I find that totally unacceptable. There are millions who are in a similar sort of category. Moreover, it transpires that Tesco was given a list of 110,000 people by the Government and other supermarkets similarly so it isn't even as if there is adequacy for the 1.5 million. Far from it. Are they giving most of the slots to their friends?
Anyone with a few tins in their cupboard has in any case ongoing weekly needs for certain groceries as advised by their GPs - milk for bones, bread for the bowels, bananas for potassium, salad and fruit for all round health. There is really no excuse for any of these supermarkets with - if necessary additional state support- not to have multiplied their delivery slots a hundred times over by this time. They could have gone 24/7. They could have supported the vehicle industry by buying up cars. They could have taken on the millions sitting at home doing nothing as drivers. They could have narrowed down what was being supplied so that it didn't involve chocolate and many other things. They haven't done any of it.
So much for the British multinationals. Then one goes to the German ones which everyone so adores. Aldi and Lidl just didn't bother at all. There are no deliveries there. People should remember this well if they manage to get through this.
Inadequacy of Small Businesses
It would be nice to say that smaller businesses had done much better. Sadly they haven't done but what gives them the edge is that they do have more of an excuse. Less money. But while delivery pizza and curry joints continue to deliver as they have always done, they are generally located virtually next door to grocery provision stores which are expecting people to go to them, just as they have always done. It's pretty lame of them all actually not to have had the imagination to collaborate so that basic groceries from the latter are delivered with and by the former even without more drivers.
The Government could have introduced that idea to them but it hasn't done. Meanwhile, farms are doing their best to meet unprecedented demand and are delivering where they can. But mostly they aren't being supported to take on more delivery drivers and now we hear when it comes to dairies that masses of milk is even being thrown down the drain. They too want handouts to make up for the fact that their business and hotel trade has vanished. I'm unsympathetic. Give them the money but on the grounds that they start delivering milk and other basic farm products to the general public instead.
Finally, one word to the Government. If you are even beginning to think about removing outdoor exercise in the next stage of the lockdown, don't. Unless you manage to properly address the delivery fiasco, many of us who have so far been keen to hold to the line will flout it. Because there is no way that we are going to accept that the only place we can even walk to is into a food shop which could then give us and others the virus. The choice between entering those places and starving or eating wrongly is already close to being in the Somme. But at the point where the only permissible destination is the Somme, there must surely be a case for legal redress. Outside wartime, you can't just send people to their deaths.
Quote: A Horseradish @ 8th April 2020, 11:38 PMIn Other News
Smurfs
The Smurf death toll and even the Smurf case toll from Covid-19 is currently believed to be nil.
Update:
Papa Smurf has tested positive Covid-19, just one week after hosting a musical concert in the Smurf Village, which is located in a Belgian forest. Handy Smurf, Hefty Smurf and Jokey Smurf are now all now under self-quarantine, as all three had shared a magic flute with Papa Smurf at the concert. The Smurfs are claiming that smurfberry juice and adopting smurf-prefixes could help to smurf the virus. Separately, Gargamel has been smurfed down from his position as evil wizard over allegations of inappropriate conduct toward Smurfette and also toward his cat, Azrael.
Update:
Another three Smurfs have just tested positive to Covid-19, bringing the number of cases among the Smurfs to four - the highest daily increase so far.
Quote: Kenneth @ 9th April 2020, 5:22 PMUpdate:
Papa Smurf has tested positive Covid-19, just one week after hosting a musical concert in the Smurf Village, which is located in a Belgian forest. Handy Smurf, Hefty Smurf and Jokey Smurf are now all now under self-quarantine, as all three had shared a magic flute with Papa Smurf at the concert. The Smurfs are claiming that smurfberry juice and adopting smurf-prefixes could help to smurf the virus. Separately, Gargamel has been smurfed down from his position as evil wizard over allegations of inappropriate conduct toward Smurfette and also toward his cat, Azrael.Update:
Another three Smurfs have just tested positive to Covid-19, bringing the number of cases among the Smurfs to four - the highest daily increase so far.
Very sad news.
I hope you got it from a reputable source. 
Actor Simon Gregson who plays Steve McDonald in "Coronation Street" has coronavirus.
Simon, 45, describes it as "bloody awful".
I mention this only because I think he's a very good actor and one of the best long-term actors ever to have appeared in a British soap.