What is this? Crisis Top Trumps? Personally I think Coronavirus is more of a crisis than the Cuban missile crisis. One person died in that, compared to over 800,000 and growing in this. Yeah, the world was on the brink, but we never went beyond that.
Aesop's 2045
"What time do you call this?" she said. "I call it the time on the clock", I illustrated, "having factored in a plethora of spring forwards and fall backs." "Fall is an American word" she said. "You are becoming too yanky.......and the dinner was ready for you ages ago and now it is all ruined." "There was a longer than anticipated wait" I reported. "How long?" she said. "24 years, 8 months, 4 days and 57 minutes" I calculated. "It could have been longer as all of the staff were self isolating." "If all of the staff were self isolating", she said, "how could anyone have seen Arlene?" "The homeless man was there" I replied. "He left our shed in 2033 and has gotten medically qualified." "So you had to see the homeless man" , she said.
"No" came my retort. "We didn't have to see the homeless man. He was busy. The postman - incidentally he now vapes so we can now use our porch without tripping - he too has gotten qualified and was there at the clinic.." "Oh, so he saw Arlene" she said". "No" I demurred. "He was busy". "Stop messing about" she said. "Good evening....who did you see?." "Luckily", I responded, " there was a familiar looking squirrel who initially we thought was covered in shite. Then we saw a chewed up bottle of HP sauce on the reception desk and were hugely reassured, notwithstanding that even today he has on his paws some alarming looking red bits." "Oh so that's all right then", she said, while understandably not reading this with any pleasure. Who would? It is as brown as a stoat in a vat of Lea and Perrins. That was what the air's eyes told me.
Her eyes glazed over. Everyone's did and this too was entirely understandable. Then it was suddenly "Why are you all wearing army fatigues?" She said "Tell me you didn't get into a fight". "No" I sighed. "Ted was given his by the makers of Grand Theft Auto V while Ted was respawning. Arlene spotted a shop that was open to supply essential goods to fetishists. I stole the clothes of a bloke in one of the Challenger 2s to get us home through the rows of pit bull terriers. Only 5% of Challenger 2 components are interchangeable with its predecessor, which has had more than 150 major modifications including a completely new turret, L30 CHARM 120mm gun and second generation Chobham armour".
"Well, I am pleased that you are all alright" she said. "You are all alright, aren't you?" "Yes" I divulged. "Ted was upset that he didn't see Vallance but otherwise Ted is alright and Arlene got the all clear." "Oh", she said, "so it was like worth my while to frantically ring Ted's friends while going out of my mind. That is, to arrange for them to prioritise Arlene's appointment from a very senior position. That is, I said she was vulnerable and also said can she get an earlier one. That is......". "Have" I corrected. "And who exactly is them?". "Er, Sir Simon Stevens, Chief Executive Officer of the NHS since 2014" she said, while dusting an ornamental cabinet of vibrators. "His friends at Balliol reportedly ranged from Extinction Rebellion's Rupert Read to Boris Johnson who credited Stevens with Johnson's own election as Oxford Union President".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Stevens_(healthcare_manager)
In the UK, about 80,000 people die every year from smoking-related diseases.
It's highly unlikely that coronavirus will have the same effect on the British population.
And yet, newspaper headlines scream about the effect of coronavirus while giving scant mention to smoking.
Mind you, the government isn't making any money out of the coronavirus: in fact, it's actually losing a HUGE amount of money due to this pandemic.
I'm beginning to understand the disparity in panic levels. 
Quote: chipolata @ 1st April 2020, 11:49 AMWhat is this? Crisis Top Trumps? Personally I think Coronavirus is more of a crisis than the Cuban missile crisis. One person died in that, compared to over 800,000 and growing in this. Yeah, the world was on the brink, but we never went beyond that.
That's with the benefit of hindsight of course.
Back then we had leaflets provided. Haven't had Boris's letter yet.
In the last 24 hours, there were another 563 coronavirus-related deaths in the UK.
The total now stands at 2,352.
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 1st April 2020, 2:23 PMThat's with the benefit of hindsight of course.
.
Of course. But even at the time I doubt the Cuban Missile crisis had the impact on the global economy and fabric of virtually every nation on the planet that Covid has. And I too am still eagerly awaiting my Boris Letter
Quote: chipolata @ 1st April 2020, 3:24 PMOf course. But even at the time I doubt the Cuban Missile crisis had the impact on the global economy and fabric of virtually every nation on the planet that Covid has. And I too am still eagerly awaiting my Boris Letter
And everybody's jobs and money (savings or pensions).
Quote: A Horseradish @ 31st March 2020, 11:54 PMCan't you go to the Strachans Road or the Ruth Road bus stop?
The real problem, of course, is the temporary closure of Red Hill Market, which usually sells handcrafted, crocheted pure merino wool face masks and traditional indigenous smartphones hand-carved from slabs of redgum (sustainably sourced eco-timber). Which is strange, as I've never seen an indigenous Australian at Red Hill Market. Geoffrey Rush and Hugh Jackman and Oscar Wilde sometimes present though.
Quote: chipolata @ 1st April 2020, 11:49 AMOne person died in that, compared to over 800,000 and growing in this.
Steady on, Dr Not the Nine O'Clock News, Although many countries are under-reporting their covid19 death toll, it presently stands at about 45,000.
Quote: Kenneth @ 1st April 2020, 5:13 PMThe real problem, of course, is the temporary closure of Red Hill Market, which usually sells handcrafted, crocheted pure merino wool face masks and traditional indigenous smartphones hand-carved from slabs of redgum (sustainably sourced eco-timber). Which is strange, as I've never seen an indigenous Australian at Red Hill Market. Geoffrey Rush and Hugh Jackman and Oscar Wilde sometimes present though.
Steady on, Dr Not the Nine O'Clock News, Although many countries are under-reporting their covid19 death toll, it presently stands at about 45,000.
You're right. Sloppy googling and half arsed attention to what I was reading. 
Quote: Kenneth @ 1st April 2020, 5:13 PMThe real problem, of course, is the temporary closure of Red Hill Market, which usually sells handcrafted, crocheted pure merino wool face masks and traditional indigenous smartphones hand-carved from slabs of redgum (sustainably sourced eco-timber). Which is strange, as I've never seen an indigenous Australian at Red Hill Market. Geoffrey Rush and Hugh Jackman and Oscar Wilde sometimes present though.
Some of them might be locked in the library or the Lancemore Lindenderry on Arthur's Seat Road.
Wimbledon has been cancelled for the first time since World War II.
Don't you just "love" coronavirus?
PS. Do you see what I did there?
PPS. Serena Williams has tweeted "I'm shooked".
PPPS. Is Serena shaken or shocked? I'll be fooked if I know.
Within the last 48 hours, a well known tabloid newspaper has suggested (1) We may all experience power cuts (2) The virus could be catching a long time after symptoms disappear (3) There may be a strain that is four times worse and (4) It could take two years to overcome the current situation. I'm kind of hoping that in those two years publications of this sort will be sued out of existence by bereaved families for creating a terrorising stress which partially killed those people. With a bit of luck, one of the few good things that could result from these times is an end to them once and for all.
I've had a 5 minute power cut here.
Quote: A Horseradish @ 2nd April 2020, 1:48 AMWithin the last 48 hours, a well known tabloid newspaper has suggested (1) We may all experience power cuts (2) The virus could be catching a long time after symptoms disappear (3) There may be a strain that is four times worse and (4) It could take two years to overcome the current situation. I'm kind of hoping that in those two years publications of this sort will be sued out of existence by bereaved families for creating a terrorising stress which partially killed those people. With a bit of luck, one of the few good things that could result from these times is an end to them once and for all.
British tabloids have been lying and exaggerating for years. This current crisis won't change anything.
Quote: billwill @ 2nd April 2020, 3:14 AMI've had a 5 minute power cut here.
I hate little power cuts because I have to go around and reset all my blinking clock radios. 
So we're only allowed out for essential purposes eh? On my way to work today, I called in to the shop for milk and bread. in front of me at the checkout - a woman buying nothing else but scratch cards.