British Comedy Guide

General Election 2019 Page 15

Well, I keep seeing these sorts of names bandied around - Lord Blunkett was even saying Hilary Benn could be interim leader - but all of these people are ardent remainers when there will be no remaining. So their deep stances are redundant and it is totally impossible for them to do an about turn. Sadly some who bravely stood against that line - eg Caroline Flint - lost their seats but that is why I say Lisa Nandy (who won) as she worked very hard to find a compromise on a deal. She's not outstanding but has a very sharp brain and down to earth manner, she's a woman, she's northern, she's very normal, her father was of ethnicity and she has some political pedigree in that another relative - uncle? - was a (Liberal) politician.

I think part of Boris's spectacular victory must be attributed to people's fear of destructive and dangerous elements in the Labour Party.

For that same reason, I expect Donald Trump to enjoy a similarly spectacular victory over the Democrats next year.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 13th December 2019, 2:21 PM

looking through the ranks of female Labour MPs, there aren't many who I think might stand a chance against Boris - but I do think I've found one.

It's none other than Mrs Balls, otherwise known as Yvette Cooper.

The bookmakers have six female MPs in the top seven in the betting to become next Labour leader.

After Keir Starmer, the favourite @ 9/4, they quote Rebecca Long-Bailey (best price 9/2), Angela Rayner (8/1), Jess Phillips (8/1), Yvette Cooper (16/1), Lisa Nandy (16/1) & Emily Thornberry (20/1). Then comes Clive Lewis @ 25/1.

After last night's election results, one might think that life couldn't possibly get any better for Britain's right-of-centre citizens.

One would be wrong: Lily Allen has deleted her Twitter account! Laughing out loud

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 13th December 2019, 4:00 PM

The bookmakers have six female MPs in the top seven in the betting to become next Labour leader.

After Keir Starmer, the favourite @ 9/4, they quote Rebecca Long-Bailey (best price 9/2), Angela Rayner (8/1), Jess Phillips (8/1), Yvette Cooper (16/1), Lisa Nandy (16/1) & Emily Thornberry (20/1). Then comes Clive Lewis @ 25/1.

I have remembered another name - when it comes to merit, Rachel Reeves should be on that list (although she won't appeal to the Corbyn wing and has some past issues regarding expenses). At one time, Cooper would have been a shoo-in. But she is seen by voters as having meddled too much with Letwin etc to delay Brexit. Long-Bailey is McDonnell's favourite and will simply signal no change. ie she would be the female Corbyn only ever so slightly moderated. She also lacks a lot in the charisma department and claims to have been born to the sound of the crowd at the Stretford End when Man Utd were actually playing away at Wolves on the day of her birth. But hey Blair didn't see Jackie Milburn play even though he claimed he did and Cameron could never remember if he supported Aston Villa, West Ham or another team.

Rayner was a Nan at 39 and hates private schools because in her opinion failing her eleven plus disadvantaged her, not that being a prospective Labour leader seems to justify that pique. She also gets annoyed with people who criticise the way she speaks. It's northern but oddly cockney for some reason - "I fink this and I fink that". Currently she is Labour's Education Spokesperson. Go figure. Starmer and Thornberry are from the London elites. The latter especially is an arch remainer. She manages to convey an Eliza Carthy style brassiness with grandiosity (formally she is a Lady). He has a voice you would find in a 1970s sitcom character who has been written in to be a jobsworth and the dullest man on the street.

Phillips cares for the people. Oh how she cares. She cares so much that everything she says is delivered with an overly dramatic combination of tears and anger which would be unprecedented in a leader. In fact, she would turn politics into a Midlands version of Hollyoaks. Her strongest suit is gender equality. Labour would be a women only party within 18 months of her in charge. Her second strongest suit is the most fabulous imagination. One midwife in her area when in fact there are 19. The homeless people being booted out of travelodge to make way for dogs starring at Crufts. That sort of thing. Bozo on one side. Her on the other. Exchanges between the two would prove to the world we are all bonkers.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 13th December 2019, 7:21 AM

very few remainers have become convinced that leaving is actually the best thing. On the contrary, I would have thought that huge numbers of leavers would have become convinced that remaining was actually the best thing.

Nah. Far more remain voters are also democrats, or were scared into that choice by unfounded hyperbole that has since proven false, than leave voters have changed their minds.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 13th December 2019, 5:33 PM

I have remembered another name - when it comes to merit, Rachel Reeves should be on that list (although she won't appeal to the Corbyn wing and has some past issues regarding expenses). At one time, Cooper would have been a shoo-in. But she is seen by voters as having meddled too much with Letwin etc to delay Brexit. Long-Bailey is McDonnell's favourite and will simply signal no change. ie she would be the female Corbyn only ever so slightly moderated. She also lacks a lot in the charisma department and claims to have been born to the sound of the crowd at the Stretford End when Man Utd were actually playing away at Wolves on the day of her birth. But hey Blair didn't see Jackie Milburn play even though he claimed he did and Cameron could never remember if he supported Aston Villa, West Ham or another team.

Rayner was a Nan at 39 and hates private schools because in her opinion failing her eleven plus disadvantaged her, not that being a prospective Labour leader seems to justify that pique. She also gets annoyed with people who criticise the way she speaks. It's northern but oddly cockney for some reason - "I fink this and I fink that". Currently she is Labour's Education Spokesperson. Go figure. Starmer and Thornberry are from the London elites. The latter especially is an arch remainer. She manages to convey an Eliza Carthy style brassiness with grandiosity (formally she is a Lady). He has a voice you would find in a 1970s sitcom character who has been written in to be a jobsworth and the dullest man on the street.

Phillips cares for the people. Oh how she cares. She cares so much that everything she says is delivered with an overly dramatic combination of tears and anger which would be unprecedented in a leader. In fact, she would turn politics into a Midlands version of Hollyoaks. Her strongest suit is gender equality. Labour would be a women only party within 18 months of her in charge. Her second strongest suit is the most fabulous imagination. One midwife in her area when in fact there are 19. The homeless people being booted out of travelodge to make way for dogs starring at Crufts. That sort of thing. Bozo on one side. Her on the other. Exchanges between the two would prove to the world we are all bonkers.

Laughing out loud That is better than anything you will read in the papers, Horse, you should get a column in The Telegraph or Spectator. Take Boris', he won't have time to do it anymore. Spot on about the Labour women now touting to be Leader of the Opposition, it's like the reverse of Pygmalion - daughters going to chav slang school to learn how to talk quite aggressively over their male interviewers in terrible diction as if it's a gender-class war. Chavvy women shouting and balling at Boris will lose Labour the next five elections and their cabinet will look more like a rugby league team. Labour party needs serious sorting out.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 13th December 2019, 4:00 PM

The bookmakers have six female MPs in the top seven in the betting to become next Labour leader.

After Keir Starmer, the favourite @ 9/4, they quote Rebecca Long-Bailey (best price 9/2), Angela Rayner (8/1), Jess Phillips (8/1), Yvette Cooper (16/1), Lisa Nandy (16/1) & Emily Thornberry (20/1). Then comes Clive Lewis @ 25/1.

They're changing quick then because I've seen odds of 5-1 on Cooper this morning (Yvette, not Henry). I can't see Starmer getting it unless they throw out the lefty NatExec and go back to a centrist or Blairite agenda and as already noted on here Labour is fast becoming a 'women only' party, I think there'll be an uproar if they are denied their first ever female leader when the hated Tories have had two.

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned David Lammy - he'd be an excellent Leader of the Opposition.

Quote: beaky @ 14th December 2019, 11:07 AM

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned David Lammy - he'd be an excellent Leader of the Opposition.

You only have to read this thread to see Brexit voters struggle with the idea of women in politics, so I don't think they could handle a black man.

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 14th December 2019, 10:17 AM

They're changing quick then because I've seen odds of 5-1 on Cooper this morning (Yvette, not Henry).

5/1 with Corals; still 16/1 with William Hill, Paddy Power and others. Maybe Corals know something?

Quote: beaky @ 14th December 2019, 11:07 AM

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned David Lammy - he'd be an excellent Leader of the Opposition.

Then we really would know that the Labour Party has a death wish.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 14th December 2019, 12:42 PM

5/1 with Corals; still 16/1 with William Hill, Paddy Power and others. Maybe Corals know something?

I've never in my entire life seen such a difference in betting odds.

Ladbrokes and Coral were 8/1 overnight until just before noon today when they both went to 10/1.

However, exactly 11 minutes later, Corals slashed their price to 5/1.

The only logical reason for Corals to reduce their price from 10/1 is that they didn't want to accept bets at 10/1 but even an idiot can see that they could accept money at 10/1 and immediately lay some of it off with Ladbrokes and others at 16/1 - thus guaranteeing themselves a profit whether she gets the job or not.

Strange, very strange.

Introducing Rebecca Long-Bailey:

Readers might like to know that Ms Long-Bailey paid for an extraordinary personal video about herself many weeks ahead of the general election to, quote, "highlight her personal brand". With its references to 1970s football and The Fall, its accent on her Manchester credentials is obvious but curiously what she describes at the time of her birth in 1979 appears designed to resonate mainly with white men currently in their 50s. It is almost as if she is saying that she recognises that they are a cohort which Labour have largely lost and who she somehow needs to reassure.

Note, for example, that what it isn't about is Fergie time and Oasis although give it a few weeks and there may be one of those linked to her teenage years so as to reach out to men in their 40s and late 30s. It is interesting because (i) it shows that she feels in need of some corporate style promotional help with her presentation but (ii) more so as she was arguably audaciously preparing under the nose of Corbyn for a leadership bid ahead of the election which on one level she knew that they might well lose. Scroll down to the small red square for a really fascinating watch,

https://labourlist.org/2019/11/rebecca-long-bailey-unveils-new-logo-in-campaign-video/

(I am not aware of anyone else producing a video of this kind!)

Quote: A Horseradish @ 14th December 2019, 1:46 PM

Readers might like to know that Ms Long-Bailey paid for an extraordinary personal video about herself . . . With its references to 1970s football . . .

In Rebecca's video, she stresses her northern and particularly her Mancunian credentials with the line "Mum says I was born to the sound of the roar of the Stretford end".

BCG members unfamiliar with the world of football might like to know that the "Stretford end" is where the home supporters are to be found at Manchester United's ground.

However, I think Rebecca should have a word with her mum because on the day Rebecca was born, Manchester United were playing away at Wolverhampton!

Laughing out loud

To be fair I don't think that being born "to the roar of the Stretford End" necessarily means that they were roaring at precisely that moment. Any more than being born "within the sound of Bow Bells" requires them to have been actually ringing at that precise time.

In any case maybe the reserves were at home that day...

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 14th December 2019, 2:54 PM

To be fair I don't think that being born "to the roar of the Stretford End" necessarily means that they were roaring at precisely that moment. Any more than being born "within the sound of Bow Bells" requires them to have been actually ringing at that precise time.

As I understand it, the Bow Bells ring every 15 minutes and so it's reasonable to assume that every child born in the vicinity of those bells was at some active stage of the birth process while the bells were ringing. Thus, every child born in the vicinity of those bells was born to the very audible sound of those bells.

In stark contrast, Manchester United fans roar at the Stretford end usually for a maximum of 90 minutes (and a minimum of zero minutes if the team are losing and playing badly) once per fortnight during the football season. Even allowing for non-league matches, not even 1% of babies born in the area are born to the sound of that roar.

As for the reserve team, their home matches are usually played at other grounds with only a handful of matches played at Old Trafford every year.

The number of attendees at reserve matches might be sufficient to produce a murmur, but certainly nothing resembling a roar.

However, leaving aside all the above technical information, it seems clear that in telling Rebecca that she was born to the sound of the roar from the Stretford end, her mother was telling her that the roar was actually audible at the time of her birth.

Thousands of parents say at least one of their children was conceived to the sounds of "Je t'aime". That clearly means that the conjugal act was taking place while both parents could hear the song playing. It would be nonsense to tell a child it was conceived to the sounds of any particular song if the child was, in fact, conceived while the song was not playing but while the parents were having sex in total silence near a radio or a record player upon which that song was occasionally played. Laughing out loud

Share this page