Bus Passenger Test

I noticed that the drivers have a thread so here's one for people like me who don't drive.

So the 'Test' part is adding a paragraph? (drivers Allowed( Just to see if we can get a little story going? I've put the first three up just to start it, any takers? I really have lined this up so somebody should be able to 'Head it in'

TEST
Blatant rule breaker Barney Bunson is at a bus stop listening to a loud radio which he is holding to his ear with his left hand, in his right hand is a large bunch of helium inflated colorful balloons on a string, At his feet is a 5 litre tin of gloss paint. . Once on the bus he intends to stand forward of the sign and distract the driver.

Standing next to him is a 6ft 7 steroid abuser known as locally as 'Pancake' due to his ability to 'Flip' . Pancake is running late for his court appointed Anger Management Class and he has just had a argument with one of the mothers of his kids on the estate and he is ready to go off like two bob rocket and is struggling to keep it in .

Driving the bus is Stickler Simons a man who once asked his own mother to get off his bus as she never had her pass. He also made the local press for following a fare dodger onto a Gypsy encampment and attempting a Citizen's Arrest . Stickler has also had every bone in his body broken three times in his 33 year career and no crashes.

The bus stops........

Just at that moment a giant bat appears. It is ridden by a 40 year old Jehovah's Witness. In a sudden psychedelic cloudburst, the bus is covered in a million tulips and under the sheer weight of the blooms it plummets into a sink hole. A woman of 73 in a purple hairnet and galoshes appears. She asks if anyone would be interested in buying lucky heather. Simultaneously an artist and a clown by profession, she once had an affair with Stickler and is the mother of Pancake's gender neutral daughter, Trevor, a religious batman fan aged 40.

Not bad, strange but not bad at all.
I had a think myself and I went with

The bus stops and Flipper pushes past Barney and asks Stickler for a 270!.
Stickler asks where he is going?
Flipper tells him its none of his business as its a standard fare. Stickler (who is learning French at night classes) replies '' Au contraire mon ami Rule 234 subsection c of the Bus Drivers code states 'A driver must be aware of the destination of all passengers in case of potential detours which would require passenger notification'

Flipper takes Sticklers front teeth out with a swift left jab and Stickler manages to hit his alarm button before he passes out.
Flipper then flees the scene as Barney gets on the bus and sits down.

As the police and ambulance arrive so does a 'Response car' from the bus company, given Sticklers record the 'Response Car' contains an Inspector to go to the A&E with Stickler and a replacement driver for the bus.

As the police ambulance and inspector stand over the prone body of Stickler the bus resumes its route as it does so the Inspector sees Barney on the bus with balloons . He points that out to the constable Dave Munch who knows all the local characters.
Don't worry sir I know exactly where he will be going............?

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 31st October 2019, 9:58 AM

Not bad, strange but not bad at all.
I had a think myself and I went with

The bus stops and Flipper pushes past Barney and asks Stickler for a 270!.
Stickler asks where he is going?
Flipper tells him its none of his business as its a standard fare. Stickler (who is learning French at night classes) replies '' Au contraire mon ami Rule 234 subsection c of the Bus Drivers code states 'A driver must be aware of the destination of all passengers in case of potential detours which would require passenger notification'

Flipper takes Sticklers front teeth out with a swift left jab and Stickler manages to hit his alarm button before he passes out.
Flipper then flees the scene as Barney gets on the bus and sits down.

As the police and ambulance arrive so does a 'Response car' from the bus company, given Sticklers record the 'Response Car' contains an Inspector to go to the A&E with Stickler and a replacement driver for the bus.

As the police ambulance and inspector stand over the prone body of Stickler the bus resumes its route as it does so the Inspector sees Barney on the bus with balloons . He points that out to the constable Dave Munch who knows all the local characters.
Don't worry sir I know exactly where he will be going............?

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You are too kind.

Now that I have taken my tablets, I prefer your one.

It would be a sad world if everything was uniform, I know loads of lads who are into your kind of stuff Horse in fact for a second I was actually thinking that it was a mate of mine as he could have easily wrote that,

Tell me it's Roger McGough (even though it won't be) to make me feel better!

No its Eugene McGuffy but he was a 70's Liverpool poet if that helps? Sadly his career was cut short after he knocked Ringo Starr out inside the Cavern over the ownership of a betting office pen. Cilla Black who was one the 50000 alleged Cloak Room workers at the club tried to break the fight up but was pushed down a flight of stairs by Peter Noon out of Hermit Hermits a known misogynist.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 31st October 2019, 10:25 AM

Peter Noon out of Hermit Hermits a known misogynist.

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I met his younger brother about 10 years ago when he was a roadie for someone I'd never heard of - no mistaking him, he was the image of Peter.

F**k him and his brother I want to know where Barney Bunson is off to?

I want to know if Trevor was the Jehovah's Witness who was astride the bat in front of the bus.

You'll have to put a message in the Personal Columns of the War Cry, its on page 7 and its normally under the Non Medical Advice Column .

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 31st October 2019, 2:43 PM

You'll have to put a message in the Personal Columns of the War Cry, its on page 7 and its normally under the Non Medical Advice Column .

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Oh but that's the Sally Army Teddy.

I know they do find missing people as they found the army bloke who married my Mum's aunt after he scarpered in Canada of all places while somehow managing to bugle in spirited fashion Bread of Heaven. But I'm All Along The Watchtower myself. The only people I have ever let in to my home are the Gee-a-vars. That's since the Mormons gave up on me for staring at their weirdly perfect teeth and telling them that they should have been in Herman's Hermits,

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 31st October 2019, 12:01 PM

F**k him and his brother I want to know where Barney Bunson is off to?

View original

Bolshie bastard.