Newsjack Series 21 rejects Page 17

Enjoyed reading all your orphans. Been a really grumpy Newsjack for me but I'm proud of my sketch boycott...I've actually taken up long distance running instead (not even a joke, I get out of bed early and everything)

Here's my little dabble.

A Florida woman has been reunited with her fox terrier 12 years after it went missing. Overjoyed by the reunion, she's promised to mow her lawn more often.

Boris Johnson has been accused of leading a zombie government. He's facing another Brexit extension...and then returning 28 Days Later.

A man dressed as broccoli has been arrested at the Extinction Rebellion protests. Police stepped in to stop things boiling over.

Quote: Jee Knee @ 18th October 2019, 11:48 AM

3. The government's so-called 'behaviour tsar' has announced strict new disciplinary guidelines for secondary schools. According to the tsar, pupils can be given a detention if they talk in class, forget their homework or mastermind a proletarian Bolshevik revolution to overthrow the aristocracy.

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Liked all your BNs but this one is my fave.

Quote: TheTrashBat @ 18th October 2019, 12:24 PM

BREAKING NEWS:
1. The Canadian Prime Minister had to wear a bulletproof vest after a security threat at a campaign rally. It's hard to believe anyone would want to shoot the PM, it's Trudeau.

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Well done, Trashbat. And I like your poo joke!

Okay, here are my rejects. So, since joining in on here, I have had the nearly email twice in 3 sessions. I feel I am poised for actual greatness soon...

Or maybe not.

BREAKING NEWS:
1. Transport union general secretary Manuel Cortes has said that anything less than re-nationalising our railways is just "tinkering at the edges". This is still not as bad as tinkering while the train is in the station.
2. Jodie Comer has signed up to star in another two seasons of Killing Eve, so expect two other drama series to be gruesomely murdered as the BBC have taken out a contract.
3. Police dogs in Gwent are being given their own collar numbers as a mark of appreciation for their service. Only 20 collar numbers are being issued, but it's not known whether they will roll over.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a bad week for slow walkers over the age of 45, as scientists have found that the slower you walk the faster you age. It's also been a bad week for fast walkers over the age of 45, because they just really need to pee.
2. It's been a good week for stars of Martin Scorsese's The Irishman, who have been made to look younger using CGI. It's been a bad week for a local mom who can do this for $5, as dermatologists hate her.
3. It's been a bad week for Piers Morgan after an online petition was launched trying to get him sacked from Good Morning Britain. It's been a good week for Piers Morgan as this apparently makes him the news.
(I thought this one was lame, but their sort of lame)

And one sketch:

DR SCARY'S FRIGHT NIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA

KIRI: It's that time of year when you go into the high street of your town, and see all the shop windows full of cobwebs, and signs saying RIP. No, it's not Halloween, the high street is just dead. Only kidding, it is nearly Halloween! Or, as the goths call it, Goth Christmas. People say that it's getting too Americanized and commercial, but I love the celebration of all things spooky. Anyway us Brits are made of stronger stuff. I don't think Halloween-themed things can really scare us, can they?
COLLEAGUE: Kiri, here's your coffee. I'm really sorry, they wouldn't give me ordinary flat white.
KIRI: You mean it's...?
COLLEAGUE: Pumpkin-spiced.
KIRI: Aaaagh! The horror, the horror! On with the sketch!
FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, MANIACAL LAUGHTER
DR SCARY: I'm Dr Scary, and now, coming to a field outside Northampton, home of all things goth, and Alan Carr, it's Dr. Scary's Fright Night Halloween Extravaganza!
FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, CREEPY ORGAN MUSIC
DR SCARY: We have four incredibly scary mazes, designed to send chills down the steeliest of British spines.
Maze one! Take a harrowing journey down this terrifying maze, full of grotesque horror characters....
PUNTER: Agh, it's Nigel Farage!
DR SCARY: ... and with more and more awful things appearing at every twist and turn, a maze that seems to go on forever. Yes, it's the No Deal Brexit maze.
PUNTER: Agh! Medicine shortages! Job losses! The pound fell so fast it nearly landed on my head! Now I see a sign saying, "there will be adequate food". What does it mean?
FX: CHAINSAW NOISES AND MANIACAL LAUGHTER
REDNECK: Here piggy piggy!
PUNTER: Agh!
GRAMS: CREEPY CIRCUS MUSIC
DR SCARY: And if that's not creepy enough for you, how about maze two, Killer Clowns? Where your worst nightmares really have come true!
DONALD TRUMP: I'm the President of the United States.
BORIS JOHNSON: And I'm the President of the United Kingdom. Not President what is it...? King. King Boris, that's it.
FX: MANIACAL LAUGHTER
BORIS: It's really dark in here isn't it? Is that your leg or mine?
FX: CAT SCREECHING
TRUMP: I think that was me.
DR SCARY: And if you thought that was shocking, our third maze is a creepy Victorian nursery called "Nanny Knows Best".
FX: WITCHY CACKLE
OLD LADY: I do know best. I'm the Chief Medical Officer for Public Health England, and I want to ban everything you like. Just call me Scary Poppins. Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down? No it doesn't. I'm adding a sugar tax. Feed the birds? Not on public transport, sonny. They'll all get fat, fat, fat, fat! Tee hee hee. Now what's that drink you've got in your hand, better not be one of those freakshakes!
PUNTER: It's a latte. No, a skinny latte!
FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING
DR SCARY: Walk if you still can, otherwise run for your life through our final maze!
GRAMS: ADDAMS FAMILY THEME
PUNTER: That little girl with pigtails looks incredibly cross.
DR SCARY: You better believe it! That's Greta Thunberg and this maze is called "Our Planet is Literally on Fire".
GRETA: HOW DARE YOU.
PUNTER: Aaagh! And she knows it's my fault because I'm holding onto a disposable cup!
BORIS: Quick, if I were you, I'd pass it to one of my aids.
FX: CRAZY CHUCKLE

PUNTER: No, not Boris again! Aaagh!

END

[quote name="Danno" post="1211914" date="18th October 2019, 3:02 PM"]Enjoyed reading all your orphans. Been a really grumpy Newsjack for me but I'm proud of my sketch boycott...I've actually taken up long distance running instead (not even a joke, I get out of bed early and everything)

Here's my little dabble.

A Florida woman has been reunited with her fox terrier 12 years after it went missing. Overjoyed by the reunion, she's promised to mow her lawn more often.

Missed this story, but I'd have put this in.....

Quote: Wishus @ 18th October 2019, 3:16 PM

1. Transport union general secretary Manuel Cortes has said that anything less than re-nationalising our railways is just "tinkering at the edges". This is still not as bad as tinkering while the train is in the station.

1. It's been a bad week for slow walkers over the age of 45, as scientists have found that the slower you walk the faster you age. It's also been a bad week for fast walkers over the age of 45, because they just really need to pee.

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Really liked these ones, Wishus.

Quote: Wishus @ 18th October 2019, 3:16 PM

It's been a good week for stars of Martin Scorsese's The Irishman, who have been made to look younger using CGI. It's been a bad week for a local mom who can do this for $5, as dermatologists hate her.

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That's a joke worthy of any top comedian or comedy writer.

My entirely personal view is that the addition of two words (underlined below) would make it even better.

"It's been a good week for stars of Martin Scorsese's The Irishman, who have been made to look younger using expensive CGI. Surprisingly, it's been a bad week for a local mom who can do this for $5, as dermatologists hate her."

In any event, the joke is an absolute cracker!

PS. It falls into the category of joke that millions of people won't get - but the millions of people who do get it will realise that millions of others don't get it and will thus enjoy it all the more.

Quote: Jee Knee @ 18th October 2019, 3:43 PM

Really liked these ones, Wishus.

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Thanks. I have only just realised - despite having a recently torn, repaired, scarred and problematic bladder - that I did two urine jokes.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 18th October 2019, 3:51 PM

That's a joke worthy of any top comedian or comedy writer.

My entirely personal view is that the addition of two words (underlined below) would make it even better.

"It's been a good week for stars of Martin Scorsese's The Irishman, who have been made to look younger using expensive CGI. Surprisingly, it's been a bad week for a local mom who can do this for $5, as dermatologists hate her."

In any event, the joke is an absolute cracker!

PS. It falls into the category of joke that millions of people won't get - but the millions of people who do get it will realise that millions of others don't get it and will thus enjoy it all the more.

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Thanks, Rood Eye.

Pearls before swine, innit?

So many good gags unused again this week. My half dozen that didn't make the grade were:
BREAKING NEWS:
1. Neighbours creator Reg Watson died this week at 93. He had just popped next door from number 95 when he passed away.
2. A proposal has been put forward for the banning of snacking on local public transport. Unhealthy, expensive and a factor in the growing obesity crisis, public transport is a necessity for millions across the UK.
3. Prince Harry has this week questioned the future of exams. He asked, are they; a) vital, b) pointless, or c) somewhere in between?

GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a good week for health campaigners with the proposal of the banning of snacks on public transport.
It's been a bad week for the future of the joke "what's yellow and goes 125 miles an hour? A train driver's egg sandwich"
2. It's been a bad week for Dutch sex workers who had their and their client's names stolen in a hacking attack on the site Hookers.nl.
It's been a good week for the Dutch sex workers and their clients who originally believed that they had contracted a virus.
3. It was a bad week for organisers of the Great East Run as the 3500 participants were told that the event was cancelled for security reasons just as it was supposed to start.
It was a good week for the 2000 runners that didn't really want to do it and had been pressured into taking part.

Quote: Danno @ 18th October 2019, 3:02 PM

Enjoyed reading all your orphans. Been a really grumpy Newsjack for me but I'm proud of my sketch boycott...I've actually taken up long distance running instead (not even a joke, I get out of bed early and everything)

Here's my little dabble.

A Florida woman has been reunited with her fox terrier 12 years after it went missing. Overjoyed by the reunion, she's promised to mow her lawn more often.

Boris Johnson has been accused of leading a zombie government. He's facing another Brexit extension...and then returning 28 Days Later.

A man dressed as broccoli has been arrested at the Extinction Rebellion protests. Police stepped in to stop things boiling over.

View original

Particularly like terrier one.

Quote: Exe Chris @ 18th October 2019, 7:49 PM

So many good gags unused again this week. My half dozen that didn't make the grade were:
BREAKING NEWS:
1. Neighbours creator Reg Watson died this week at 93. He had just popped next door from number 95 when he passed away.
2. A proposal has been put forward for the banning of snacking on local public transport. Unhealthy, expensive and a factor in the growing obesity crisis, public transport is a necessity for millions across the UK.
3. Prince Harry has this week questioned the future of exams. He asked, are they; a) vital, b) pointless, or c) somewhere in between?

GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a good week for health campaigners with the proposal of the banning of snacks on public transport.
It's been a bad week for the future of the joke "what's yellow and goes 125 miles an hour? A train driver's egg sandwich"
2. It's been a bad week for Dutch sex workers who had their and their client's names stolen in a hacking attack on the site Hookers.nl.
It's been a good week for the Dutch sex workers and their clients who originally believed that they had contracted a virus.
3. It was a bad week for organisers of the Great East Run as the 3500 participants were told that the event was cancelled for security reasons just as it was supposed to start.
It was a good week for the 2000 runners that didn't really want to do it and had been pressured into taking part.

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Could see NJ choosing some of these. They all work as jokes. Virus one favourite.

Quote: Wishus @ 18th October 2019, 3:16 PM

Liked all your BNs but this one is my fave.

Well done, Trashbat. And I like your poo joke!

Okay, here are my rejects. So, since joining in on here, I have had the nearly email twice in 3 sessions. I feel I am poised for actual greatness soon...

Or maybe not.

BREAKING NEWS:
1. Transport union general secretary Manuel Cortes has said that anything less than re-nationalising our railways is just "tinkering at the edges". This is still not as bad as tinkering while the train is in the station.
2. Jodie Comer has signed up to star in another two seasons of Killing Eve, so expect two other drama series to be gruesomely murdered as the BBC have taken out a contract.
3. Police dogs in Gwent are being given their own collar numbers as a mark of appreciation for their service. Only 20 collar numbers are being issued, but it's not known whether they will roll over.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a bad week for slow walkers over the age of 45, as scientists have found that the slower you walk the faster you age. It's also been a bad week for fast walkers over the age of 45, because they just really need to pee.
2. It's been a good week for stars of Martin Scorsese's The Irishman, who have been made to look younger using CGI. It's been a bad week for a local mom who can do this for $5, as dermatologists hate her.
3. It's been a bad week for Piers Morgan after an online petition was launched trying to get him sacked from Good Morning Britain. It's been a good week for Piers Morgan as this apparently makes him the news.
(I thought this one was lame, but their sort of lame)

And one sketch:

DR SCARY'S FRIGHT NIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA

KIRI: It's that time of year when you go into the high street of your town, and see all the shop windows full of cobwebs, and signs saying RIP. No, it's not Halloween, the high street is just dead. Only kidding, it is nearly Halloween! Or, as the goths call it, Goth Christmas. People say that it's getting too Americanized and commercial, but I love the celebration of all things spooky. Anyway us Brits are made of stronger stuff. I don't think Halloween-themed things can really scare us, can they?
COLLEAGUE: Kiri, here's your coffee. I'm really sorry, they wouldn't give me ordinary flat white.
KIRI: You mean it's...?
COLLEAGUE: Pumpkin-spiced.
KIRI: Aaaagh! The horror, the horror! On with the sketch!
FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, MANIACAL LAUGHTER
DR SCARY: I'm Dr Scary, and now, coming to a field outside Northampton, home of all things goth, and Alan Carr, it's Dr. Scary's Fright Night Halloween Extravaganza!
FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, CREEPY ORGAN MUSIC
DR SCARY: We have four incredibly scary mazes, designed to send chills down the steeliest of British spines.
Maze one! Take a harrowing journey down this terrifying maze, full of grotesque horror characters....
PUNTER: Agh, it's Nigel Farage!
DR SCARY: ... and with more and more awful things appearing at every twist and turn, a maze that seems to go on forever. Yes, it's the No Deal Brexit maze.
PUNTER: Agh! Medicine shortages! Job losses! The pound fell so fast it nearly landed on my head! Now I see a sign saying, "there will be adequate food". What does it mean?
FX: CHAINSAW NOISES AND MANIACAL LAUGHTER
REDNECK: Here piggy piggy!
PUNTER: Agh!
GRAMS: CREEPY CIRCUS MUSIC
DR SCARY: And if that's not creepy enough for you, how about maze two, Killer Clowns? Where your worst nightmares really have come true!
DONALD TRUMP: I'm the President of the United States.
BORIS JOHNSON: And I'm the President of the United Kingdom. Not President what is it...? King. King Boris, that's it.
FX: MANIACAL LAUGHTER
BORIS: It's really dark in here isn't it? Is that your leg or mine?
FX: CAT SCREECHING
TRUMP: I think that was me.
DR SCARY: And if you thought that was shocking, our third maze is a creepy Victorian nursery called "Nanny Knows Best".
FX: WITCHY CACKLE
OLD LADY: I do know best. I'm the Chief Medical Officer for Public Health England, and I want to ban everything you like. Just call me Scary Poppins. Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down? No it doesn't. I'm adding a sugar tax. Feed the birds? Not on public transport, sonny. They'll all get fat, fat, fat, fat! Tee hee hee. Now what's that drink you've got in your hand, better not be one of those freakshakes!
PUNTER: It's a latte. No, a skinny latte!
FX: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING
DR SCARY: Walk if you still can, otherwise run for your life through our final maze!
GRAMS: ADDAMS FAMILY THEME
PUNTER: That little girl with pigtails looks incredibly cross.
DR SCARY: You better believe it! That's Greta Thunberg and this maze is called "Our Planet is Literally on Fire".
GRETA: HOW DARE YOU.
PUNTER: Aaagh! And she knows it's my fault because I'm holding onto a disposable cup!
BORIS: Quick, if I were you, I'd pass it to one of my aids.
FX: CRAZY CHUCKLE

PUNTER: No, not Boris again! Aaagh!

END

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Killing Eve one - just tried it another way:

so, as the BBC have taken out a contract, expect two other series to be brutally murdered.
Not sure if it's improved it or not!

Like pee joke.

Oh my! I am going to admit to being swine. I didn't really get the CGI joke. I have already said I am the last to get jokes at times. Is it something to do with the film? I read it to Mr BTF and Miss BTF but we are all in the swine category and I don't want to be!

Sketch is great fun. Fast-paced. Creative. Very good title. I wondered if there may be so many voices and noises to almost be slightly confusing though it is good it has the crazy, manic effect. It may sound fun performed though. Maybe even a different punchline, or build up more to end on Boris saying pass to my aide or he says - no problem, my aide will grab it off you in a sec!

Quote: BTF @ 18th October 2019, 8:30 PM

Oh my! I am going to admit to being swine. I didn't really get the CGI joke. I have already said I am the last to get jokes at times. Please could this be explained to me?

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There are several things in life that, if they're not yours already, can only be acquired at considerable expense of time and/or money and/or skill and/or effort and/or willpower.

I'm talking about things like physical fitness, beauty, great hair, wealth, popularity and similar stuff.

Accordingly, there has been a proliferation of scam adverts on the Internet claiming that somebody has invented or discovered a very quick, very easy and very cheap way to achieve one of the above dream statuses.

Clearly, if somebody invented a pill or a cream that would remove all your wrinkles overnight and make you look like an 18-year-old movie star and they were selling that pill or cream for an affordable price, everybody in the world who currently makes money out of making people look younger and more beautiful would be livid with the inventor.

The scam adverts typically show a picture of some ordinary-looking person and say something like "Dermatologists hate this woman!" in big letters.

You immediately wonder why they hate her and, when you read the advert, you find out that she's invented something to make your skin fabulously beautiful and she's going to let you have it for considerably less than any rational person would charge for such a marvellous product.

That's the sort of advert Wishus was referring to in her joke.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 18th October 2019, 9:03 PM

There are several things in life that, if they're not yours already, can only be acquired at considerable expense of time and/or money and/or skill and/or effort and/or willpower.

I'm talking about things like physical fitness, beauty, great hair, wealth, popularity and similar stuff.

Accordingly, there has been a proliferation of scam adverts on the Internet claiming that somebody has invented or discovered a very quick, very easy and very cheap way to achieve one of the above dream statuses.

Clearly, if somebody invented a pill or a cream that would remove all your wrinkles overnight and make you look like an 18-year-old movie star and they were selling that pill or cream for an affordable price, everybody in the world who currently makes money out of making people look younger and more beautiful would be livid with the person concerned.

The scam adverts typically show a picture of some ordinary-looking person and say something like "Dermatologists hate this woman!" in big letters.

You immediately wonder why they hate her and, when you read the advert, you find out that she's invented something to make you fabulously beautiful and she's going to let you have it for considerably less than any rational person would charge for such a marvellous product.

That's the sort of advert Wishus was referring to in her joke.

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Thanks for the explanation Rood Eye. I think we were definitely over-thinking it.

Quote: Steev @ 18th October 2019, 11:24 AM

1. A leader of Extinction Rebellion has been arrested at his Trafalgar Square
camp. A policeman said [Kenneth Williams voice] Oh, do behave!

2. The high court is in session to stop protests demanding that LGBT not be
taught in school. After confusing the discipline of reading, writing, and
arithmetic as the three R's, most dyslexics are surprised people also want
to boycott Britain's Got Talent.

3. As the UK plans to require photo ID in order to vote, Boris Johnson is
trying desperately to find his Happy Family's card of Mr Bun the Baker.

GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a good week for Brexiteers as a deal is "still possible, but more difficult"
It's been a bad week for editors of the OED, who are now confused as to
meaning of the word "possible"

2. It's been a bad week for the NHS, and half of A&Es are not good enough
It's been a good week for The Shamen, who continue to claim that E's are
good. E's are good. A&E's are good.

3. It's been a good week for Margaret Atwood, who jointly won the Booker Prize.
It's been a bad week for Bernadine Evaristo, who also jointly won the Booker Prize, as she'll now only be known as OfAtwood.

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First one funny in a Carry On way which I really like. Second one clever but I wonder if it's too complex for the speed of radio.... maybe LGBT needs to be closer in the joke position to BGT. Maybe you could miss out the three rs bit but what do I know. Nothing!

Quote: Jee Knee @ 18th October 2019, 11:27 AM

As usual, plenty of cracking gags on here, and as usual, plenty that definitely deserved some airtime. I basically agree with Joe Oakes's posts about the show itself (so read his - they're better than this!), but just to supplement that, I listened to this week's show (I knew we were in trouble when it started with a 'gymnastics - stretch' gag. Do you get it? It's because they... they STRETCH! When they do gymnastics, they stretch. It's a pun. And kind of a s*** one. God, I need a drink... Look, it's not a slight on whoever wrote it, it's just not for me.) and have done some unofficial maths. Bear with me:

From the very opening to the end of the credits is 28 minutes total.
After the monologue the first 'breaking news' started at 6:50, so as a ballpark figure let's knock off 6 and a half minutes of potential air-time for open submissions. Down to 21 and a half minutes total.
The credits were almost exactly a minute, so down to 20 and a half minutes.
The first sketch this week was written by a commissioned writer and that was two and a half minutes, so we're now down to 18 minutes.
I am 90% sure that one of the other sketches was by the same commissioned writer (usually I have absolutely no idea who has written what, but on this particular occasion I do). This was well over two and a half minutes, so let's say three minutes total for that plus the various extra 'and now it's time for breaking news', jingles etc. And you're down to more-or-less 15 minutes.

That's just 15 minutes (or 17 and a half if my hunch about one of the sketches is wrong) for all the 'open submission' sketches (which are usually a couple of minutes each) and one-liners. Obviously the figures vary slightly from show to show (although not by much), but it really ain't much airtime, now, is it?

Happy holidays

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Agreed. Yes, I also saw a bit about a commissioned sketch on twitter. I really do feel the monologue at the start is too long. I don't want to listen to so much monologue. I see why it's there and it's about developing hosts etc and being political and topical etc. I just feel half the monologue time only would be great. I would like to see as much time as possible for one liners and hear as much non com stuff as possible. Sketches should not be too short but also not too long - takes up valuable airtime.
Also, NJ often have 3 or 4 commissioned sketches not just two, I think. So it is probably 11 or 12 minutes left.
NJ say the commissioned writers are non coms they are giving an opportunity to. I get that but still. Just my opinion. Fit a lot more gags in - that will give lots of opportunity. People try so hard to get on .. ..make more time for them.

I, too, like TrashBat's Trudeau joke and Jee Knee's tsar joke.

Here's my latest batch of losers. Weirdly, despite not even making the script since ep2 I've been invited to submit to NJ Extra starting next week.

Customers have complained that a collection of 'sexy' adult Toy Story costumes are inappropriate, although it didn't stop one man from getting a Woody.

Margaret Atwood's sequel to The Handmaid's Tale has been announced as a joint winner of the 2019 Booker Prize, after the panel historically broke strict competition rules. The judges will now be publicly tortured for their insubordination.

Sesame Street are addressing addiction in an effort to educate and support children. A spokesperson for the show said, (COOKIE MONSTER VOICE) "Me don't have problem! (MUNCHING) Me tell you when me had enough! (MUNCHING)"

It's been a good week for Will Smith, who announced that the Fresh Prince may return.

It's been a bad week for his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

It's been a bad week for the X Factor after producers were accused of manipulating viewers.

It's been a worse week for me (SAD MUSIC PLAYS) as I was fired from my job, my partner left me and my entire family died.

It's been a bad week for the man who was arrested during the Extinction Rebellion protests, dressed as a broccoli floret.

It's been a good week for the arresting officer as he's been trying to get his five-a-day.

Quote: Thosisd @ 19th October 2019, 8:27 AM

Here's my latest batch of losers. Weirdly, despite not even making the script since ep2 I've been invited to submit to NJ Extra starting next week.

Customers have complained that a collection of 'sexy' adult Toy Story costumes are inappropriate, although it didn't stop one man from getting a Woody.

Margaret Atwood's sequel to The Handmaid's Tale has been announced as a joint winner of the 2019 Booker Prize, after the panel historically broke strict competition rules. The judges will now be publicly tortured for their insubordination.

Sesame Street are addressing addiction in an effort to educate and support children. A spokesperson for the show said, (COOKIE MONSTER VOICE) "Me don't have problem! (MUNCHING) Me tell you when me had enough! (MUNCHING)"

It's been a good week for Will Smith, who announced that the Fresh Prince may return.

It's been a bad week for his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

It's been a bad week for the X Factor after producers were accused of manipulating viewers.

It's been a worse week for me (SAD MUSIC PLAYS) as I was fired from my job, my partner left

me and my entire family died.

It's been a bad week for the man who was arrested during the Extinction Rebellion protests, dressed as a broccoli floret.

It's been a good week for the arresting officer as he's been trying to get his five-a-day.

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I like all of these.
Good luck with NJ Extra. Is this the first time that you have been invited?

Has anyone else on here been invited from success this series?

Quote: Thosisd @ 19th October 2019, 8:27 AM

Here's my latest batch of losers. Weirdly, despite not even making the script since ep2 I've been invited to submit to NJ Extra starting next week.

Customers have complained that a collection of 'sexy' adult Toy Story costumes are inappropriate, although it didn't stop one man from getting a Woody.

Margaret Atwood's sequel to The Handmaid's Tale has been announced as a joint winner of the 2019 Booker Prize, after the panel historically broke strict competition rules. The judges will now be publicly tortured for their insubordination.

Sesame Street are addressing addiction in an effort to educate and support children. A spokesperson for the show said, (COOKIE MONSTER VOICE) "Me don't have problem! (MUNCHING) Me tell you when me had enough! (MUNCHING)"

It's been a good week for Will Smith, who announced that the Fresh Prince may return.

It's been a bad week for his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

It's been a bad week for the X Factor after producers were accused of manipulating viewers.

It's been a worse week for me (SAD MUSIC PLAYS) as I was fired from my job, my partner left me and my entire family died.

It's been a bad week for the man who was arrested during the Extinction Rebellion protests, dressed as a broccoli floret.

It's been a good week for the arresting officer as he's been trying to get his five-a-day.

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Congrats on the invite! It's easy to see why, all six of these are excellent. I'm surprised the Toy Story one didn't get picked.