A Horseradish
Sunday 6th October 2019 11:59pm [Edited]
8,475 posts
The newsagent didn't spontaneously combust in camouflage trousers. There was some weird sort of gremlin on the night.
It could have come from a channelling of Krook in Bleak House. Oddly it also coincided with (i) me putting a picture of Julia McKenzie above my non existent fireplace, (ii) the release of my new record which I hope to be No 1 at Christmas in order to raise a lot of money for ecologists but only if they use drones to prevent operations: "Carol : In The Bleakest Midwinter/House of the Rising Sun Flood (extinction drill vs ragamuffin rebellion vershun)" and (iii) a further viewing of the Detectorists episode in which they can't sell any camo fleeces but Sophie again confirms she is the greatest Thompson. Certainly as Sheila she is the more fanciable one. Lemonade and blue eye shadow easily beat a pink boat of coke snorters.
The bloke with the news sketch on climate change scientists sounds like he is impersonating Steve Punt. Which is fair enough but not the most obvious pastime. Re the one before it, yes, that's right. We must bomb Russia and eat babies as the logical priority over using a car just twice a week, flying only once every year or less and, in the case of the clearly passionate young lady who gave the speech, eating herself to save a baby. Like Jesus died so the rest of us could live.
The Boris groping allegations are potentially not without significance but squeezing someone's hand under a table on a panel show was in olden days often just a sign of warm support. A "good on you for making such a wonderful comment with which I wholeheartedly concur". Last Saturday, a bloke slapped me on the backside in a shop. There wasn't anything sexual in it. I was ahead of him in the queue. I had the last Walls's chicken and bacon pasty. He had a Walls's chicken and mushroom pasty in his hand and said "oh, no........you've got my favourite one!". I said to him I would be happy to swap. He said laughing "no mate, don't be f**king silly". That was when the slap occurred in the spirit of "we're best "mates"".
This did actually happen. It was in the shop where 100% of things actually happen whereas in the newsagents only 95% of things actually happen. Well, I say 100%. Call it 99.9%. Officially they aren't pasties. Walls's call all their pasties "a slice".