Never heard it. The Johnson speech. Was wrestling all day with my pyracnatha. Bloke who runs the newsagents says "what's that?". I say it is a cross between a python, a racoon and a panther. He goes "it's a plant isn't it, recommended by the police on their website as a means of deterring burglars". Well, ok, smarty pants but I wasn't trying to break into my own house was I? If you have such a massive brain on you, shouldn't you be more than a newsagent? "No" he says. "As a newsagent I don't need to have visible cuts on my hands, legs and face from an austerity style pruning." Austerity. What a joke. We used to call it autumn going into winter. "Well great for you but I wobbled for three hours on a ladder, didn't break my back and it's hacked so there is no excuse for you, is there, to wear used army trousers while just selling cheese. I like you. I wouldn't come in here if I didn't. But it's been three years now and I feel we should know the whole story." At that point he spontaneously combusted. I'd warned him against pyromania but there is no talking to a geezer who spends the few spare hours he has buying gear that wasn't washed by the last owner. Anyhow, so what did Bozo have to say?
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