Poundland (yes, really) want your jokes!

https://search.poundlandcareers.co.uk/search/3134

What they say...

Massive Job No Joke

"I went to buy some camouflage trousers at Poundland but I couldn't find any..."

We're not like other retailers - we take what we do seriously, but not ourselves.

From checkouts voiced by Elvis and Yoda to products with gags on the packaging.

We like a laugh, because our customers do.

That's why we're on the hunt for Poundland's first gag writer.

From our nuts to our Christmas Crackers, we're looking for a master or mistress of the one-liner to help us give our customers a laugh.

100 of your best original gags for which we'll pay a fee.

Thanks. I'm doing it, even though my jokes are total shit.

Thanks for the heads up!

As the man with two penises said to the prostitute.

Why shouldn't Poundland want jokes? Jokes are a universal commodity (except possibly for the Post Office).

Out of interest, did anyone get anywhere with this?

They said if shortlisted, I'd have to do a short stand-up routine there TOMORROW. Nothing so...

https://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2019/08/22/44125/taking_a_pounding

Applied but didn't get anywhere. Kinda pleased I didn't now.

£1 per joke is ridiculous.

Michael Monkhouse gets a fair bit of stick on BCG for his one-liners but, in all fairness, they're worth much more than £1 each.

Agreed. I wouldn't have reposted it had I known.

I can see where they were coming from with the whole "We sell everything for a pound so that's what we'll pay for jokes" but in practicality what an awful, not to mention insulting, thing to do.

Bob Monkhouse, 1994: I've had a booking for 1995. Which is ten quid more than I normally get.
What a f**king total and utter f**king pile of shit. My wife and take a flight to the UK, pay for accommodation, I memorise a routine, we both lose work (possibly for good) - but hey, I might make a pound. You spoil me.

Poundland today announced the winner of its search for the retailer's first ever gag writer was Andrew Timms from Leicester.

Leicester born Andrew Timms, who wowed a Poundland audience at an impromptu performance at the alternative Festival Fringe at its Edinburgh store, is set to visit Poundland's HQ in the Midlands later this month to take his first commission.

The value retailer also announced that the new gag writer would be receiving £500 for taking on the mantle of jester-in-residence, after his stunning one liner: "I bought a calculator the other day. It only adds up to a hundred. Man in the shop told me it was a limited addition".

On his visit to Poundland's Midlands base Andrew Timms will meet MD Barry Williams, who fancies himself as a stand-up comic, and the buyers who will want his gags adorning their products.

Following Poundland's nationwide search for the joke writer, the value retailer saw over 500 applications from across the UK.

Three shortlisted candidates from the retailer's gag writer search were selected to perform their own five-minute stand-up routine live on 22nd August at Poundland's Lothian Road store. All three brought their A-game but members of the public and a panel of Poundland's top jokers picked Andrew as the top Gagger.

The competition was tough with one of Andrew's competitors, Hannah Sowerby, being playwright and writer for BBC Newcastle's comedy radio show "It's Grin Up North".

Andrew Timms, Poundland's Gag Writer said "I've been gagging, sorry gigging, for years on the comedy circuit and I've finally made it. This is no joke, I'm excited to start crafting some comedy with Barry and the Poundland team."

Andrew will now be writing the new gags for Poundland products, including the latest range of nuts and its famous gift card range.

Mark McDonagh, senior snacks buyer, said: "Gag writing is a serious business and the talent of the applicants was no joke, Andrew had some tough nuts to crack. We're looking forward to seeing more of his classic one liners."

Well, some of us that haven't coughed up can't post our jokes here any more.
The 'tell us a joke' thread has been denied to us peasants.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 9th August 2019, 9:50 AM

Thanks. I'm doing it, even though my jokes are total shit.

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That has potential when you consider the quality of their products.