Quote: playfull @ 15th July 2019, 7:09 PMI've only got bitcoins on me - i'll try and find an exchange rate for your required shrapnel...
It will have to be bitcoin.
I ain't takin' none of yer shrapnel, mate, nor any other geezer's.
I 'as delicate pockets.
Primark.
But what I was descibings was all cushty coin of the realm.
FOR SALE 50 quid cash. NO EUROS PLEASE
One EU banana straightening machine. Not required after October. Would suit Garlic munching, sausage eating European type.
Note in very good condition, as it has never actually been used.
Reply to J Rees-Mogg
I have (or rather my drama club has) a six foot long banana which is a prized possession. No use offering us £300, we won't part with it.
For sale at reduced price.
30,000 Lunches and 30,000 Teas. Probably not needed if England bat the same.
Quote: playfull @ 17th July 2019, 9:50 PMFOR SALE 50 quid cash. NO EUROS PLEASE
One EU banana straightening machine. Not required after October.
I'd hang onto it if I were you.
If Boris fails to deliver Brexit, that might well produce a Labour government who will bin the whole idea.
Black bin liners for sale, would suit a Great Dane dog walker.
WANTED
Large Island approx 2 million km2 named (ironically) Greenland. Will swap for troublesome democrat voting California if required. In the first instance please contact 'Donald J Trump's mineral rights Inc', c/o The White House. Please mark any correspondence clearly with 'OPERATION - MINERALS OUT, MEXICANS IN'.
WANTED some goals for the football team Huddersfield Town.
Any will do no matter what condition.
Prepared to pay top prices.
For sale: Heavy who is prepared to invade the pitch when Huddersfield are playing and duff up the opposition. £50 for centre forward and left or right winger, £25 for half backs, £10 for full backs (right or left) and £100 for the goalie.
Doping the half time orange - 50p a slice.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 21st August 2019, 4:26 PMFor sale: Heavy who is prepared to invade the pitch when Huddersfield are playing and duff up the opposition. £50 for centre forward and left or right winger, £25 for half backs, £10 for full backs (right or left) and £100 for the goalie.
Doping the half time orange - 50p a slice.
Half backs? What century are you living in?
Wanted, a gag for Angela Barnes, STOP SHOUTING WOMAN.
Quote: Will Cam @ 21st August 2019, 9:43 PMWanted, a gag for Angela Barnes, STOP SHOUTING WOMAN.
Angela Barnes has got loads of gags - and they're pretty good ones too.
I do see what you mean though: she is very shouty! 
Not sure if it's a popular myth but years ago I heard about someone who put an advert in Exchange And Mart with
"Make money fast, send £10 and an SAE to...." [address].
Hundreds of people responded so they made thousands and they used the SAE to reply to them all with a note that said "Advertise in the Exchange And Mart".
Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 21st August 2019, 10:17 PMNot sure if it's a popular myth but years ago I heard about someone who put an advert in Exchange And Mart with
"Make money fast, send £10 and an SAE to.....
Similarly, years ago someone advertised in the Private Eye classifieds offering a 100% effective, safe and natural contraceptive. After sending a small amount of money people got back a note which read "Just say no".
Quote: Chappers @ 21st August 2019, 6:27 PMHalf backs? What century are you living in?
It was a joke? Didn't the "Doping the half time orange - 50p a slice." give you a clue? 