British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,069

Quote: Briosaid @ 10th August 2019, 9:04 PM

So what about the Epstein business? Am I the only one who thinks there are people breathing a big sigh of relief about his death - and on suicude watch, too?

We'll never know the whole truth about all those #MeToo shenanigans.

Did he kill himself or was he killed? We'll never know that either (although we might have our suspicions).

Quote: Briosaid @ 10th August 2019, 9:04 PM

So what about the Epstein business?

The press seemed determined to highlight Prince Andrew's involvement but, as far as can be ascertained, he hasn't done anything illegal.

The girl with whom he is alleged to have had sex on three occasions was 17 at the time - and that's fine as far as the laws of England and New York are concerned.

There are, of course, US states in which it wouldn't have been fine but, had his shenanigans taken place in any of those states, I think we would have heard about it by now.

Quote: Briosaid @ 10th August 2019, 9:04 PM

Am I the only one who thinks there are people breathing a big sigh of relief about his death - and on suicide watch, too?

Right at the top of my list of suspects for his murder (if he is indeed dead) are a married couple whom I shall not name for fear of getting BCG closed down and my own home riddled with machine-gun bullets.

Some people are a million miles above the law and it is folly of the highest order to get on the wrong side of them.

I say "if he is indeed dead" because it's entirely possible he is still alive having been spirited away on the orders of the same or similarly powerful people to a place of safety and luxury in which to enjoy the rest of his life.

When we're dealing with people with almost unimaginable power, almost anything is possible.

Quote: Rood Eye @ 11th August 2019, 2:41 PM

Right at the top of my list of suspects for his murder (if he is indeed dead) are a married couple whom I shall not name for fear of getting BCG closed down

The Krankies?

Quote: Rood Eye @ 11th August 2019, 2:41 PM

The press seemed determined to highlight Prince Andrew's involvement but, as far as can be ascertained, he hasn't done anything illegal.

The girl with whom he is alleged to have had sex on three occasions was 17 at the time - and that's fine as far as the laws of England and New York are concerned.

There are, of course, US states in which it wouldn't have been fine but, had his shenanigans taken place in any of those states, I think we would have heard about it by now.

Right at the top of my list of suspects for his murder (if he is indeed dead) are a married couple whom I shall not name for fear of getting BCG closed down and my own home riddled with machine-gun bullets.

Some people are a million miles above the law and it is folly of the highest order to get on the wrong side of them.

I say "if he is indeed dead" because it's entirely possible he is still alive having been spirited away on the orders of the same or similarly powerful people to a place of safety and luxury in which to enjoy the rest of his life.

When we're dealing with people with almost unimaginable power, almost anything is possible.

Oh god, is this another Trump-endorsed Clinton conspiracy theory.

Name em, be a martyr.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 11th August 2019, 4:03 PM

The Krankies?

Ssssshhhh!!!!!!!!!!

As most TV viewers will know, George Clooney is the brand ambassador for Nespresso and I think it's fair to say that George is being paid quite a few quid for his services in advertising the coffee.

Wouldn't it be nice, therefore, if you could get George to advertise your coffee for a tiny fraction of his normal fee?

Okay, that's never going to happen but an Israeli coffee company have, after a number of legal challenges, won the right to use a George-lookalike to advertise their coffee in a series of humorous TV adverts that are a blatant rip-off (or, if you prefer, spoof) of the genuine ads.

I have to say the ads are very good, and the fake George is very good too.

Here's the fake George:

Image

All adverts are fake.

There is no news today. Most media outlets are leading with 'the end of the world is nigh'
So if you any conscience, you have to play dead in a city center.

A Metropolitan Police woman is in deep trouble and faces being sacked having flown off to Nigeria to take part in that country's version of Big Brother.

The woman, who was a "poster girl" for the Met's all-inclusive recruitment campaign, was specifically denied permission by her bosses to take part in the show so one can imagine their displeasure when she was seen wearing her Metropolitan Police uniform in the show's publicity trailers and media advertising.

Her bosses were further displeased when the show broadcast extensive footage of her apparently having sex under a sheet with another contestant.

Even before leaving, she had raised a few eyebrows among her colleagues by speaking against "stop and search".

If she does get thrown out of the Met, I foresee a lucrative media career for her: we all love an unconventional copper - as our fondness for such characters in films and on TV has demonstrated over many years.

It's a funny old world. Laughing out loud

As I said, no news.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 13th August 2019, 9:14 AM

As I said, no news.

How dare you denigrate our ace reporter - it seems it was funny too!

According to statistics published recently, the British are on average bigger than they were 25 years ago.

Both men and women are, on average, a fraction of an inch taller and a stone heavier.

Men are 2 inches bigger around the waist while women are 3 inches bigger in that department.

I blame cheap food from foreign supermarkets! Laughing out loud

Ey up, he's off again.

Oi! Just 'cos you now wear only XXL Expandy slacks and only shop at Laldl 'cos yer dun't laike ta spend't brass oop north, ee lad't ba gum - unlike us Waitrose/Ocado posh people with money and live in decent housing in the South East.

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