Lamb Page 2

Quote: DIKTURNIP @ March 11, 2008, 3:49 PM

Well it made perfect sense to me on first reading. It's a nice idea. It's well written, and it's also obvious that she is with her partner. You maybe should have mentioned this when setting the scene, e.g, A COUPLE ARE ORDERING FOOD IN A FRENCH RESTAURANT. the lamb's birthday line sounds very funny, coming from a french waiter. It's hard to believe that something as good as this was written by the same guy who wrote the sketch about Gordon Brown.

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Thanks, but the fact is I can sell the Gordon Brown stuff, but am struggling to interest anyone with this type of sketch. In the longer term, this is the way I'd want to go, for sure.

n.b. The Gordon Brown stuff was great, and more importantly lucrative.

Any one can write to entertain themselves, some to entertain their friends, but precious few to amuse their bank manager.

Who do you sell your stuff to? Is anything you have sold available to view on You Tube or other sites? I suppose there is no harm in making a few quid as long as you don't give up the stuff you really like doing and really believe in it and want to develop it.

News Revue, Treason Show, Wireless Theatre (eventually). Independent film makers (currently putting enough stuff together for a website), which will hopefully enable me to promote my work better.

It's more a principle at this stage of the game, then about oceans of cash.

Sooty the question about selling stuff was aimed at john. are you stalking me now? But anyway, seems you mentioned it I'd love some links, so I can see your work.

In general, as the writer, it is probably best NOT to try writing the French Accent e.g. "Strawberry 'ill". Leave that to the Actor, just make sure that the role is clear by calling the character: "FRENCH WAITER"

This dialog confused me because Organic and free-range are pretty much the same!

WOMAN: Is your chicken organic?

WAITER: Er non, is free-range - from Provence.

Andwhat is this about WILD SALMON, which is supposed to be better? Wild or tame?

WOMAN: And the salmon’s not wild?

WAITER: No, madame.

Quote: DIKTURNIP @ March 11, 2008, 5:37 PM

Who do you sell your stuff to? Is anything you have sold available to view on You Tube or other sites? I suppose there is no harm in making a few quid as long as you don't give up the stuff you really like doing and really believe in it and want to develop it.

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Sadly I don't have anything available to view on the internet. The places I've sold stuff to are theatre shows: Treason Show in Brighton and Newsrevue in Brighton. Topical sketches go out of date quickly, so they're always in the market for new material.

But don't worry, I won't give up pestering the places that take this kind of more character-based sketch, they're just rather more difficult nuts to crack.

Quote: billwill @ March 11, 2008, 8:48 PM

This dialog confused me because Organic and free-range are pretty much the same!

WOMAN: Is your chicken organic?

WAITER: Er non, is free-range - from Provence.

Andwhat is this about WILD SALMON, which is supposed to be better? Wild or tame?

WOMAN: And the salmon’s not wild?

WAITER: No, madame.

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Ah well, to the fanatical foodie, organic is always preferable to mere free-range. And wild salmon infinitely superior to farmed, as well as much more expensive. It's one of the many ways we keep the class system flourishing in England.

So the joke is that the woman wants to know about where her food comes from but when shes finds out information like its name and birthday she is put off?

I thinks its too subtly written but acted out it should be fine. You don't need the last guy either.

Not stalking you at all, just too much time on my hands. Loads of my stuff in the Critique section, always welcome feedback.

Have I missed you out? Nothing personal

Who me? No responding to Dickturnip.

Oh

*wishes he had a stalker*

Ah well, to the fanatical foodie, organic is always preferable to mere free-range. And wild salmon infinitely superior to farmed, as well as much more expensive. It's one of the many ways we keep the class system flourishing in England.

Maybe but your dialogue does not make that clear, add:

WOMAN: Oh, no chicken then I MUST have organic...

WOMAN: Oh, no Salmon then I can't stand farmed salmon...

Quote: ajp29 @ March 12, 2008, 12:28 AM

So the joke is that the woman wants to know about where her food comes from but when shes finds out information like its name and birthday she is put off?

I thinks its too subtly written but acted out it should be fine. You don't need the last guy either.

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If I have to explain it, I guess I've failed. But yes, as a food snob she wants to know its provenance, but is knocked back when confronted by the brutal reality that she'll actually be eating a baby sheep. The French always seem more realistic about these things.

And yes, it's written to be acted rather than read, so hopefully there will be things there which an actor can bring out.

[quote name="billwill" post="120647" date="March 12, 2008, 5:06 AM"]

Ah well, to the fanatical foodie, organic is always preferable to mere free-range. And wild salmon infinitely superior to farmed, as well as much more expensive. It's one of the many ways we keep the class system flourishing in England.

"Maybe but your dialogue does not make that clear, add:

WOMAN: Oh, no chicken then I MUST have organic...

WOMAN: Oh, no Salmon then I can't stand farmed salmon..."

Again, this may be a problem with reading this as a script. I hope the way an actor did it would make these fine distinctions clear.

But I accept I probably need to try to write more clearly sometimes. Audiences are so quick nowadays that if you tell them too much too soon they get bored, but obviously if this leads to obscurity you've gone too far.

Hard to tell for sure here, without seeing it performed. Then it should be crystal clear. If it works, it'll be down to the script. If it dies, I'll blame the actors.

n.b. Douglas Adams covered similar territory in The Restaurant at The End of the Universe.

With an animal bred with the desire to be eaten.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ih99xxhKM4A&feature=related

Maybe a twist would be, that she orders a battery chicken. It's death would be a relief?