I'm fed up with all these arses trying to be 'down with the kids' in boasting about how they took drugs.
Tory leadership
I think Boris is a shoo-in, mainly because people like their elected national leader to be a character.
Harold Wilson, Edward Heath and Margaret Thatcher were all great characters who evoked passionate responses - both positive and negative - in the British people.
If Boris becomes Prime Minister, some will love him and some will hate him but I doubt very many will be bored by him.
I think it is more 'forgive me father for I have sinned'
Let it be known before it is discovered and spoil their chances of leadership.
And hope it dies down before the elections.
An own goal in my opinion.
Good point, we're in an age of celebrity-worship, so Boris fits the bill. I wouldn't say that Heath was much of a character, though.
Quote: beaky @ 9th June 2019, 9:13 PMGood point, we're in an age of celebrity-worship, so Boris fits the bill. I wouldn't say that Heath was much of a character, though.
Nor was Major or May.
Quote: beaky @ 9th June 2019, 9:13 PMGood point, we're in an age of celebrity-worship, so Boris fits the bill. I wouldn't say that Heath was much of a character, though.
I think Wilson and Heath were seen pretty much as an antagonistic double-act and so each one (as part of that act) contributed significantly to the nation's entertainment.
Comedians and impressionists got a truly colossal amount of material from each of them.
I think Ted's crowning achievement and proof of his character status was to get a mention along with Harold on what is possibly the Beatles' greatest album - "Revolver".
Tory favourites have a history of not getting the top job for whatever reason, so i wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't get it.
Quote: chipolata @ 9th June 2019, 9:38 PMTory favourites have a history of not getting the top job for whatever reason, so i wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't get it.
Keeping my fingers crossed. Britain's in a bad enough state without that arse running the show.
Good evening
I have been eating salads covered in cyanide since 1947 and I am happy to announce today that I am running to be the Prime Minister. I will begin with a frank message. There is more to life than Brexit. Consequently while I am avoiding all radio interviews I am only going to talk about other subjects . Let me set out here my detailed plan for reforming the drugs laws. It's time to be straight. Everyone in the country does illegal drugs. It is even a part of the lives of the filthy rich.
The ones who have so much money they don't know which drain to spunk their dosh down first. These people pulled themselves up by their boot straps to become our elites via ambition, talent, personal motivation and sheer hard work at the coal face, Total respect to them. It is a part of the lives too of all the black kids in Hackney living in council tower blocks whose world has been so blighted by American hip-hop music. They have with entrepreneurial spirit set up market stalls selling exotic substances and vegetable knives. Well done to them too, In fact, I will be in very close touch with them later.
But it is time for a change. A real change. No one would say that the loss of taxation from the reduction in cigarette sales has done anything but harm our much admired NHS. Waiting times to see a doctor have only got longer. That is why I am proposing today to turn all vape shops into licensed premises for unlimited potions, powders, needles and other essential drug paraphanalia. All will be modestly taxed. With this, we can rejuvenate our health service. Even change it. I will also permit high street stores such as Boots the Chemist, Waitrose and Mothercare to sell such items in refillable containers brought to those shops by the consumer. That will ensure we continue to save our planet by minimising plastic bags while equally making the shopping experience more like the kitchen. If we get this right, people won't know they aren't home.
A few people have rightly expressed their concerns. We were, after all, once a democratic country and questioning is still a part of our older tradition. They say to me "ah, but will your proposals mean that all Class A drugs will be available at the end of my short bus route?". Today, I am happy to say "yes, they will be". Tomorrow I will be happy to say "no they won't be". The day after that, I will be happy to say "I hope they will be and that's a yes but if it's a no that will all be the fault of the EU". The important thing is that we put in place these measures so that drugs are no longer seen as illicit. Being illicit is what makes impressionable teenagers tick and research has shown it is now the major driving force in those aged 20-80. This must change while the positives are retained. My policy makes being illicit the opposite of being illicit and vice versa.
There is a precedent here. It will help to clarify the position nicely. Citizen Band Radio was once all the rage. Then it was legalised and it disappeared without trace. This proves that drug legalisation will lead to no interest whatsoever in drugs across our country and all drugs will vanish. There is another precedent too. It will help to clarify the position even further. When the downloading service Napster was illegal, it had very few subscribers. However, when it became legal its popularity rocketed and it was quickly joined by other services such as Spotify. This proves that drug legalisation will lead to huge tax revenues to support our NHS. It is, in short, a win win. A win-win for everyone. For liberals, For radical liberals. For extreme liberals. And of course for those people who are not liberal by persuasion but who are able to behave in a decent liberal way because of the strong enforcement of our laws on paragraphs, sentences, words and individual letters. .
Next, I shall turn briefly to labelling. Will there be health warnings as on cigarettes? While I fully understand that there are arguments for such labelling, the difficulty here is that it would deter people from using licenced premises. They would instead be down by the river again talking to strangers about skunk weed, crack, jelly babies, sugary rusks and poppies in Afghanistan. So, no, I do not propose that. Instead, I shall ensure that the skull and crossbones is placed on a hundred of our most dangerous grocery items like wine, cereal, energy drinks and ice cream. Hence the health of our people will be better than it has ever been before. This is what I mean by real change. It is a change that it is real, A really real change.
Finally, Mrs Fosdyke of Lower Tewksbury writes to me - well, actually she wrote to Mr Corbyn as she knows he likes to read out voters' notes in Parliament but he passed her comments on to me - anyhow, Mrs Fosdyke writes: "Dear Jerrymy, I'm 95. It's not so easy going to get my items in the supermarket these days what with the less than even pavement, my zimmer frame, mothers on telephones and ethnics on skateboards. I have heard that wherever there are drugs in the world from Latin America to Africa and onto Asia there is always a terrible degree of violence and often it is a bloodbath. How can I be sure that any official drugs outlets in my high street won't be targeted by Sharia people with placards that could easily trip me up or even by drug dealers who don't like the competition and decide to firebomb the licenced premises? I know it's daft but I'm worried the latter could turn me and other ordinary shoppers into a blazing inferno."
All I can say to this lady is I haven't got a sodding clue but if you, dear, and your local Conservative Association vote for me, there will be no need to worry. I will then be the Messiah who can find an answer to everything. My friends, My countrymen. And, of course, my disciples. I say to you of the Weetabix there is to be no jentacular abstention, no tittynope of anti-semitism and, crucially, no fatwah on discombobulation. We shall cast aside the Marxist criticasters for a future that is eurhythmic, ensorcelling and extramundane. Let no hoddy-noddy say we shall not psychoactively sup or supper in synasthesia for change it shall be. We shall rise with change above this argle-bargle beyond the uplands soleil. Thank you all for coming. I'd have loved to have discussed the referendum with you but sadly it appears we have run out of time.
Good night.
(Constable, if you use just one of the cop cars to check out that bigoted woman's studio flat, you can take me in the other one to that sink estate where I can score more than a few more votes for my party. No ifs and no buts. That's an order.)
Quote: chipolata @ 9th June 2019, 9:15 PMNor was Major or May.
You can add Brown to that list of boring Prime ministers, all three got to power without winning an election. Its almost as if their predecessors wanted them to fail or at least shine less brightly.
Quote: Firkin @ 10th June 2019, 7:50 AMYou can add Brown to that list of boring Prime ministers, all three got to power without winning an election.
I'll see your Major, Brown & May and raise you Sir Alec Douglas-Home.
B for Boris, B for Brainless Bastard
Best Bet
Certain unpleasant characters are being thrown to the fore in Parliament and they're very, very easy to hate. I'm kind of thinking, "why bother with a removal of their heroin needles live on Channel 4 News when you can drop a nuclear bomb on the lot of them?" Not that I would do it myself. It's a kind of fantasy. Next question please. Beth Rigby. Have I done anything a little bit naughty other than walk through a wheat field? Well I drove at 175mph in a 20mph speed limit zone, ha ha ha, and used a bit of taxpayers' dosh for my moat and goose carriage. Oh yes, blimey, and I tried to strangle my cousin's dog or was it a parrot? If it was a parrot it would have been dead anyway so it must have been a bitch. Yes.
Next. Can I see Cathy Newman? I think I can. Frizzy hair Lipstick. When I murder twenty people in June 2020 will I bury them under the churchyard, my house or Wembley Stadium? And do I still believe as I wrote in 1987 that the bible should be re-written to promote teenage bisexuality? Tish-tish. That, I think, is two questions and the audience here agrees. Hear the clapping and the steps from the bouncers dragging her out. Onward. Nick Robinson. BBC. Is Dominic Grieve right to be voting for the future of his children and grandchildren or wrong because fascism dictates we must have Brexit and there is only room for one massive ego in the House? I see what you did there Nick but no I can't agree that 85 year olds on medicinal cannabis shouldn't be able to reduce the abortion limit to 12 weeks. That's all folks. Milky milky and I'm off.
On top of all the candidates falling over themselves to admit to having broken the law, I see Andrea Leadsom has now posed for a photograph, looking pleased with herself, holding up a "Bollocks to Bercow" poster. Do we really want our Prime Minister to be openly expressing profanities for all to see? And is it the role of a Prime Minister to bring the historic role of speaker into disrepute, whatever one might think of the present incumbent?
At times of political uncertainty my default position is always to ask, "What would Harold Macmillan do?" Right now I imagine he must be turning in his grave.