Fat guy walks into a shop.

A large builder, mid 30s walks into convenience store.

Shopkeeper. Goodmorning can I help you sir?

Man: Yes please, could I have err a couple of your sausage rolls please.?

Shopkeeper: No problem, anything else.

Man: Oh yes, I'm on my break soon, I'd better have a pork pie too - oh and are those steak and kidney pies warm?

Shopkeeper: Well, they're not HOT, but warm enough.

Man: Yeah ok I'll take one of those, with a portion of chips please...large.

And can I have two packets of salt and vinegar crisps please...and some of those pork scratchings....and ... you got any king size Mars Bars left?

Shopkeeper: No sorry just the normal size.

Man: Oh best make it two then....and a Topic....and a Cruchie.....oh and a Curly-Wurly for the van. Right that'll do me pal. Thanks very much.....oh hang on give us 20 Marlboro.

Shopkeeper(Handing his carrier of goodies over) Right great, there you go sir, that's £14.26. Anything else?

The man pays and looks into his bag rather guiltily. He puts it back on the counter and reaches into his pocket again.

Man: I tell you what mate, give us a DIET COKE as well. You can't be too careful at my age.

Shopkeeper: No problem sir.

Hey DT

Sorry mate, this jokes been done to death.

Not as good as this surely?

Not very funny, no twist. Just a slightly nasty observation.

Yep

Are there some fattys amongst us? Apologies if i offended thee.

I bloody hope so.

fatbloke might be a good bet

Well I'm pretty fat, and a fairly successful comic starting out. The fat half really was unbothered. The comedic side, was just unamused. Dick it's a bad skit, not because it's offensive, but because it isn't funny. I mean I'm sure a successful career in comedy, awaits, one so uncompromising as to insult all of his critics.

Well why did you describe it as "nasty" then? A fat guy with zero self awareness can be funny, because we can all empathise with him. Not because he is fat but because he makes no attempt to consider his own well being. He puts his self gratification first, as we all do when we feel like it. The fact that he is fat is not in itself funny. What's funny (to me)is that buying the DIET coke is such a token gesture; and an acknowledgement that he should do SOMETHING. YOU try to get a laugh out of kids committing suicide, and then call my sketch nasty!!!!!! and i'm sure ALL of my critics weren't insulted.

It is kind of an old joke, that's all.

Not that old jokes can't be rewritten and used again to great effect, sometimes.

Yes a fat guy with zero self awareness can be funny. Mr Creosote from the Meaning of Life, or Eric Cartman (a big fave of mine).

It's nasty because, you choose to pick on a small, detail, to make a really not very funny joke. Nasty, note, not offensive. It's more that it's a small mean spirited joke, with out much of a laugh to keep it going.

A funnier joke, would be same guy in a restaurant ordering outlandish amounts of food. Then ordering a diet coke, and dropping dead. The waiter being arrested for murder, as he accidentally gave him full sugar coke.

There's actually any number of directions that joke could have gone in, that would have been amusing.

As for other skits I may have written. It's polite to stick to critiquing in the correct thread, and to address criticism at the skit it's self. But for what it's worth hypocrisy is something you should joke about, not practice.

Fun

Sorry mate, that sketch would be below-par for an average writer. To be successful, you have to produce excellence for a great writer. That sketch would never, ever get sold. It's not funny. Blunt, but sometimes you need to hear honesty.

You're still going on about it being nasty and mean spirited!!! And I think my comment about your kids committing suicide skit is wholly relevant...well it was till you started back pedalling and changing the meaning of your original "critique". I was merely highlighting how hypocritical your comments were. Having to explain every line I write is getting really boring so I'll trouble you no further.

I agree griff the punchline is not brilliant, but i'd love to hear a better one, thAT STILL ILLUSTARTES THE POINT. I like my dialogue to sound realistic and natural, even in a short sketch. That's my style.

This is knit picking, Sooty didn't like the sketch. End of.