The last time I will ever be able to vote (and even now it's almost impossible).........
EU Election Essay - Part 1
A. I have just opened a tin of Tesco's custard, emptied two thirds of it over my trousers and spooned the rest into each earhole, up my nose and into my shoes. Yep. That's right. It is time for the walk along the long plank to the polling station and it is the only way I am going to get out of the house. It indicates both the absolutely not wanting to go there to myself and absolutely not wanting to be there on my arrival to everyone else.
B. My requirements couldn't in theory be more simple. 1. The honouring of Brexit, preferably with a withdrawal agreement. 2. The safeguarding of the NHS in the future, That's it. Just two things. And yet of 88 candidates from 11 groups in the London constituency, the vast majority will not do 1 and the rest are very iffy on 2. There was a time in ancient history - 2017 - when Mrs May's Conservatives seemed to be that party and if it all went pear shaped, which seemed most unlikely, there was always Mr Corbyn's Labour Party to turn to with gritted teeth. Even Mr Cable then, a man who I actively campaigned for in York in 1983 when he was a Social Democrat (one of three parties to date for which he has stood as a candidate and in the good old days of a modest EEC) was an option, lying as he did that he would respect the outcome of the referendum. Sadly none of the above now applies.
C. I like Mrs May. She has been one of this country's outstanding Prime MInisters and hasn't ever set a foot wrong (in my humble opinion). She has done everything by the book. Loyalty to her would enable me to vote for her if she were standing as a party of one person. Sadly she isn't standing and she is a Conservative. And she is going to have her head axed off by Parliamentarians any moment now. A vote for the Conservatives would not be a vote for her. It would be a vote against her, whatever it sought to say, and consequently be a vote for her opponents on either side of her in her own party, for all of the other parties in Parliament who have decided to kill democracy and for the EU which has gone in two years from being a bit of a dodgy friend to someone one hopes to God Vladimir Putin will some time soon find enough balls to invade.
D. "Oh she should have said at the start we are leaving on WTO terms unless they offer a great withdrawal agreement. That way we would have got something truly wonderful". Well, she couldn't could she and we wouldn't have would we. Davis knew it. Raab knew it . Bill Cash and Rees-Mogg knew it was total bollocks too. The arithmetic wasn't there. The Tory Remainers wouldn't have agreed to that starting point and the EU was never going to offer more than it has done. The bullying of her by all concerned is now so stomach-churning that there is no way on earth that I will ever vote Tory again (not that I ever did before 2017). As for Johnson, that just doubles my determination not to do so. We've had more than enough of people from Eton thanks (along with almost everybody else).
E. So what will the Brexit Party offer? The key one is democracy which trounces all else or should do but where, when it romps home on Sunday, will this all lead? It is apparently gearing up for the general election. Can you just imagine it? That manifesto committee room in which nine out of ten Brexit Party bigwigs propose replacing the NHS with private health insurance and Claire Fox and the other leftist person they are using, whoever that might be, complains. They will immediately be shown the door.
F. There is no general election future in them. Labour types who will vote for them today will desert them when that sort of policy comes to the fore and wish that UKIP was still afloat (which it won't be in a couple of months time) for at least UKIP members ultimately argued against Farage that the NHS should be supported. Their policy is that healthcare should be free at the point of use. So, no, the main outcome of a stunning Brexit Party performance now will not be a pro NHS Brexit Party Government but Bozo being ushered in as the Tory Party leader with mere lip service to the NHS and the Brexit Party sidelined. He can't even deliver Brexit because the arithmetic in his own party and Parliament will be exactly the same as under Mrs May.
EU Election Essay - Part 2
E. As for UKIP, its leader Gerard Batten is looking forward to his retirement. He has virtually said that he is getting out almost as soon as Mrs May is being pushed out. This ladies and gentlemen is the main UKIP candidate in London and there isn't a cat in hell's chance that he will be elected. Then, of course, there are the additional angles that we might call here Benjamin and Robinson. Benjamin - a very bright if overly clever-clever man - was not at all wise or indeed mature with his so-called rape jokes. Women, though, will need to forgive me if I say that those are not my main concern about him. That is about what is obviously a radical libertarianism in him which I don't believe would ever be supportive of the NHS. The question, then, is how many Benjamins are there in UKIP and when Batten goes is the full dose of libertarianism going to take it over? Probably yes and oh dear.
D. Robinson is a different kettle of fish. He was appointed by Batten as his adviser. People of ethnic background may need to forgive me when I say that I do not believe that he is a racist or especially a fascist now we know that the true fascism is elsewhere. Clearly he is for Brexit, hence democracy. He would support the NHS. He is standing as an independent in the North West and is one of less than ten candidates in the country, all outside London, who actually would deliver my two humble requirements. The fact that he is a bogey man to the liberal fascist establishment, genuinely, but also because it finds it needs one for its own advantage to my mind merely adds to his appeal. I will laugh my head off if he gets elected (which again is most unlikely) because they will all be totally distraught and it will serve them right. Had I been in the North West I would have felt obliged to vote for him for reasons of my democracy and health.
C. But in two or three other regions, the English Democrats are standing. This is for those who are eligible a more at ease and somewhat less vindictive vote. Fewer controversial associations than Robinson. Of the hundreds of candidates nationwide these apart from him are ludicrously the only people who are both for Brexit and reliable in their support for the NHS. I am very envious of people in the regions in which the English Nationalists are standing. They are the only people too who are anywhere near my requirements and without the overt accusations of racism that follow Tommy. But I can't vote for them as they are not standing in London.
B. So what do I do? I suppose I am going to have to hold my nose and vote for the Brexit Party although I might vote for UKIP. I just don't know and am writing this purely for the reason of delaying leaving my house and going to the polling station where I might have to scribble graffiti on the outside of its walls rather than putting my x in any box. I've got a piece of paper in my pocket with some of the phrases I thought of earlier. It is squelching a bit but I couldn't give a toss. "Shove Custard on Your Tie" is one and "Milkshake Off" is another. I have also got "Ooh Jeremy Cobblers", "All Liberals Are Bisexual", "I Wouldn't Even Grape You" and "Green Loons Cause Climate Change."
A. But I probably won't do it. I've just opened a tin of peas and am going to spend some time spooning them into my socks and pants. Hopefully, my agoraphobia will then go and I'll vote in the old people's centre they have had to close for this charade for Ben Habib. He's the property developer Brexit friend of Nigel. Whether he would support the NHS is anybody's guess but at least he is a democrat of sorts. This is not to say that there isn't a huge problem going forward. If Brexit is ever delivered - ha, ha, ha - there is not one party I could envisage being able to support in any future general election - Corbyn, no, Swinson, no, Johnson no. the Greens' car accident bloke no and Farage where domestic health policy is important (unlike in EU elections), no. So it is almost certainly the last time I will ever be able to vote. Oh no. Now I can't find my aerosol and my upper lip's gone all custardy. I need a hanky.