Testing, testing

Written for Newsrevue/Treason

MOTHER AND MIDWIFE

MIDWIFE:Congratulations, Mrs. James, it’s a boy.

MOTHER: Fantastic! Oh, that’s wonderful! (BEAT) What’s his score?

MIDWIFEorry?

MOTHER: His Apgar?

MIDWIFEh. He got a one for activity but two for breathing and reflexes.

MOTHER: And can I appeal the one?

MIDWIFEorry?

MOTHER: Or could he re-sit it?

MIDWIFE:Mrs. James, it’s not that kind of test ...

MOTHER: ... (INTERRUPTING) Only I don’t think he was ready.

MIDWIFE:The test really doesn’t matter ...

MOTHER: INTERRUPTING, GETTING HYSTERICAL) Of course it matters. If he fails this, how on earth’s he going to pass his eleven plus? It’ll be special needs, dyslexia, ASBO.

MIDWIFE:Well, it’s not hospital policy but ...

MOTHER: (TEARFULLY RELIEVED) Oh thank you, thank you so much. (BEAT, WIPING AWAY TEAR) Now. How do I tell if he’s gifted?

Is this the one they actually performed?

Seems good to me. Short and sweet!
Women in it too.

Quote: zooo @ March 11, 2008, 1:12 PM

Is this the one they actually performed?

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This is in the current Newsrevue run, but I haven't seen it yet, so I don't know if they rewrote it at all, as they sometimes do.

I understand they've got the mother up in stirrups, which sounds quite dramatic.

Quote: James Williams @ March 11, 2008, 1:12 PM

Women in it too.

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Definitely helps to get taken. They never have enough stuff for the two women.

I liked this very much made me laugh

It's good. Well done on behalf of women kind.

What a shame you can't set it in a corridor or round the back of the hospital by the bins which is inreasingly likely apparently.

They played it pretty much as is, and it was well recieved. Only adjustment I can think of, was they did the woman giving birth, and at the end she taps the babys head on the chair.

I liked it, funny stuff. I think it would be funny if she also pulled out a score sheet and a tiny pencil.

Quote: sootyj @ March 11, 2008, 3:49 PM

They played it pretty much as is, and it was well recieved. Only adjustment I can think of, was they did the woman giving birth, and at the end she taps the babys head on the chair.

View original

Ah, now that's what I call a punch-line.