Quote: Chappers @ 5th April 2019, 9:35 PMHow to wind up Hercules!
That would be funny IF it had actually been a wind up, and not me pointing out I do not like being corrected with an erroneous patronising finger wagging of "Interesting effort".
Just 'cos any criticism of one of your "jokes" is like water off a duck's back to you, you unfeeling bastard. 
Just wanted to correct the perpetuating misconception regarding the ability (& sex) of one of the equine heroes of my youth. And to fend off any misplaced debate about the shooting of (and consequent cruelty to) racehorses, which is bound to be aired at some stage this weekend of all weekends.
And yes I am fully aware that a limerick needs both to scan and rhyme but the composition of an exemplary limerick was not the paramount aim of my post.
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 6th April 2019, 11:09 AMJust wanted to correct the perpetuating misconception regarding the ability (& sex) of one of the equine heroes of my youth. And to fend off any misplaced debate about the shooting of (and consequent cruelty to) racehorses, which is bound to be aired at some stage this weekend of all weekends.
Do not know who or what you are referring to in your first para., but just wanted to say that on the news this morning there was some sports reporter rattling off LOADS of facts and figures relating to the so called "Grand" National but failed to mention at all how many horses have been flogged to death by being made to jump over impossible so called "fences".
It's a scandal and shame on anyone involved in such a disgusting spectacle.
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 6th April 2019, 11:09 AMAnd yes I am fully aware that a limerick needs both to scan and rhyme but the composition of an exemplary limerick was not the paramount aim of my post.
Then what was. We were talking about limericks and not some grand poetry composition - it's only five lines for f**k's sake and needs only two rhyming ends. Why post an example of a limerick that isn't one.
I would like to say that no horses were injured during the making of my limerick and that I like horse racing especially if I backed the winner, which is not often but as such refreshing.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 6th April 2019, 11:27 AMDo not know who or what you are referring to in your first para.
a) it is quite clear who or what I was talking about in my first paragraph - you wrote the limerick about him for goodness sake.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 6th April 2019, 11:27 AMThen what was. We were talking about limericks and not some grand poetry composition - it's only five lines for f**k's sake and needs only two rhyming ends. Why post an example of a limerick that isn't one.
b) The aim of my post is clearly stated in the first sentence of the post to which you are responding and I was doing so by addressing the original limericks line-by-line (and making it more light-hearted/tongue in cheek by purposely not rhyming them at all).
I do not propose to prolong this ludicrous discussion any further.
The racing industry in Britain is all about money and glamour, on the face of it.
If you happen to own a leading stallion, you can pocket £1 million per week (I'm not joking!) simply by letting it have its way with all the lady horses that will be delivered to its stable door by owners keen to acquire a fleetfooted foal.
The less glamorous side of the racing industry is largely concerned with the question of what happens to foals who are not good enough even to begin a racing career and to experienced horses that have reached the end of their racing careers.
I'll give you a clue: you can't give a racehorse to somebody who wants a pet for his darling daughter or to somebody, even an experienced rider, who is looking for something upon which to amble along leafy country lanes on a Sunday afternoon.
A lucky few will see their days out in an English field but owning any horse is an expensive business and, when you phone the vet, it becomes very expensive indeed.
No, the fact of the matter is that any racehorse that isn't winning money for its owner is almost certainly going to end up on a Frenchman's dinner plate.
Accurate figures for slaughtered racehorses in the UK are difficult to come by but I doubt that anybody in the racing or slaughtering business would think a figure of 7000 per year wildly inaccurate.
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 6th April 2019, 1:01 PMa) it is quite clear who or what I was talking about in my first paragraph - you wrote the limerick about him for goodness sake.
b) The aim of my post is clearly stated in the first sentence of the post to which you are responding and I was doing so by addressing the original limericks line-by-line (and making it more light-hearted/tongue in cheek by purposely not rhyming them at all).
c) I do not propose to prolong this ludicrous discussion any further.
A/. Get yer facts right - I didn't write any limerick, I merely (if you had followed the posts correctly) offered one rhyming word to the end of Teddy's limerick to make it scan. That's all.
B/. Didn't seem light hearted to me, more condescending.
C/. Suits me fine.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 4th April 2019, 9:54 AMWell, sitting back and looking at them all I noticed that I had arranged all of them facing from right to left - is there a hidden meaning in that mayhap?
I tend to put things on long shelves at angles that best suit their shape and size in relation to the other things on the shelf. Although...once the kids have bunged all their crud in between, because they somehow think it will be appreciated as a super fun way of tidying, everything gets shoved back against the wall anyway...until I unload it all and throw it back into their rooms.
If you are right-handed, I'd say you put them up there in the way that felt most naturally comfortable. I think we all tend to hold something in our right hand and look at it from that angle. If I think about how my kids (and probably me), from a very young age, have held a toy figure in their right hand...they tended to tilt their own heads to interact with the toy, rather than hold it directly in front of their faces. With a toy figure in both hands, they tended to face them towards each other, whilst also angling them towards themselves for a bit of role play...but the dominant hand will most probably set a preference when handling just one. Also...when you go to examine them or change their position, it's easier to move them about if they're already at an angle that makes it easier to quickly grasp and push around as you, again, look lovingly at them...with a contented smile. Awww.
Well, that's what I think anyway. Or...you might just have a subconscious case of fung shooey going on.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 6th April 2019, 3:57 PMA/. Get yer facts right - I didn't write any limerick, I merely (if you had followed the posts correctly) offered one rhyming word to the end of Teddy's limerick to make it scan. That's all.
B/. Didn't seem light hearted to me, more condescending.
C/. Suits me fine.
Calm down! Calm down! (imagine me wearing a Kevin Keegan wig and assuming a Scouse accent).
What we've got here is failure to communicate (imagine I'm running a prison chain gang in the USA).
It's nobody's fault. The problem is that it's often difficult or even impossible to convey accurately the intended tone of a piece of writing.
I've re-read the thread and I really don't think Billy was trying to be condescending or unpleasant in any way. Herc's interpretation of Billy's words is, however, by no means unreasonable because, unless you know a writer very well indeed, reasonable readers might place any number of different and contradictory interpretations upon his words.
My own confident interpretation is that not even the slightest offence was intended.
But who knows? I'm not psychic and Billy might be a complete bastard! 
There was an old lady called Leg
Who men would pay dearly to beg
She made lots of money
From rolling in honey
And stuffing her mouth full of egg
Mouth and egg can both be swapped out for something...um...else, but I'm a very shy person, so...err...<blush>
Quote: Old Lady Leg @ 6th April 2019, 4:56 PMAnd stuffing her mouth full of egg
Mouth and egg can both be swapped out for something...um...else, but I'm a very shy person, so...err...<blush>
"And stuffing her gob full of Greggs (pasties)"? 
That's the only thing I can think of that makes sense and is printable on a family website.
I've recently discovered something. Asda's onion bhajis are an excellent laxative. You're welcome.
I start a new job Tuesday after a long period of unemployment. I just heard 4 words that filled me with dread: "Business casual. No jeans." Yuck.
I don't know about the UK, but here it's National Beer Day. Pour yourself a cold one or three!
First bass guitar playing gig at the grand old age of 62 at the London Stone, Staines. A few bum notes but good to get it under my belt.
Quote: Chappers @ 7th April 2019, 11:09 PMFirst bass guitar playing gig at the grand old age of 62 at the London Stone, Staines. A few bum notes but good to get it under my belt.
Well done, Chappers!
62 is nothing for a rockstar these days - just look at the Stones!
Here's to many more successful gigs!