Things that piss you off Page 1,754

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 3rd April 2019, 3:01 PM

I remember there being a nit nurse at the various schools I attended in the 1950s, but as it seems I was never affected I was puzzled as a kid as to what this woman did - should I be having a nit that needs looking at and treating? Was I missing out?

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Yes! You and I are of an age. The 'nurse' used to come to primary school every so often and we were paraded through a 2-door room ( 1 in and 1 out). She looked at our heads, then lifted our skirts (God knows why) The day that still sticks with me was when the people behind me came back to the classroom all agog because the nurse lifted a girl's skirt and said 'Girl, have you no knickers on?' Not a tactful way of dealing with it. Stella ( a star) was her name. She was a nice wee girl but very obviously poor and smelled. Where is she now? I may have told this story before.

're friends. I still meet once a year with old school pals and old uni pals. I love them dearly and we still have so much in common. There are other groups (some neighbours) whom a I scrapped because I don't see why I'd spend my limited time remaining on earth with people who bore me. ( who really wants to know the best way to make soup and how to do 'high dusting ?)

Probably my regular reference group is my drama club which has people of varying ages and backgrounds - we have great laughs together which is the best thing ever. And my almost Lifelong friend who's like the sister I never had.

Quote: Briosaid @ 4th April 2019, 11:56 PM

I may have told this story before.

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Yes, you told us the story in February but it's a good story and well worth retelling.

I'd always thought nit nurses were a thing of the ancient past but, although I'm no youngster, I can't remember ever seeing such a person in primary school or indeed, ever having my head examined for any reason - despite several people throughout my life saying I needed it, nits or no nits.

At primary school, I remember only one medical examination and it took place in the headmistress's tiny office. I've always assumed the woman who examined me was a bona fide medical professional but who knows?

Maybe you were a posh person. My story took place in the East end of Glasgow. I always looked down my snooty wee nose there because we'd moved from the paradise of Govan.

Quote: Briosaid @ 5th April 2019, 12:38 AM

Maybe you were a posh person.

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Alas, no.

I wasn't the scum of the earth but I was a lot closer to that status than I was to being a little Gyles Brandreth, I assure you.

Shoes that squeak. There's nothing worse than walking past someone you fancy and squeaking.

Quote: chipolata @ 5th April 2019, 9:35 AM

There's nothing worse than walking past someone you fancy and squeaking.

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How about walking past someone you fancy and . . . No, forget it: I'm not going to lower the tone.

Quote: chipolata @ 5th April 2019, 9:35 AM

Shoes that squeak. There's nothing worse than walking past someone you fancy and squeaking.

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My Crocs really squeak on every single step I take. They actually do this kind of squelch-squeak sound. It's very loud and my daughter always remarks, "Omg, mum, your Crocs!" I regularly buy Crocs and haven't had a pair yet that doesn't make this noise. It won't stop me buying them. They're just comfy shoes that some people find hard to look at. Don't care. Last year I had bright pink ones that went very well with my pink hair (yes, I have pink hair). This year, they're navy blue...and I'm about to slip them on to walk to the school to collect my daughter and bring her home for the Easter hols. Yay! So now you know.

Does that mean a fortnight free of nits?

Quote: Briosaid @ 5th April 2019, 5:10 PM

Does that mean a fortnight free of nits?

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Absolutely yes!

Quote: Rood Eye @ 5th April 2019, 12:27 PM

How about walking past someone you fancy and . . . No, forget it: I'm not going to lower the tone.

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What's so special about today?

Quote: Briosaid @ 5th April 2019, 12:38 AM

Maybe you were a posh person. My story took place in the East end of Glasgow. I always looked down my snooty wee nose there because we'd moved from the paradise of Govan.

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Actually I never was aware of it when I was at school but when my kids were there there were outbreaks.

Quote: Chappers @ 5th April 2019, 9:41 PM

Actually I never was aware of it when I was at school but when my kids were there there were outbreaks.

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Is Friday is a comma free day?

People who say alcohol's a drug. I've been pissed 4753 times, never once tried to fly off a roof. Can't even get up the stairs.

What really pisses me off is Frankie Boyle expressing politically correct opinions that he clearly doesn't hold.

On Thursday's edition of "New World Order", he criticised the Sultan of Brunei's introduction of the death penalty for men convicted of having gay sex. That was fair enough but he then redefined the new law as the introduction of the death penalty for people who are simply expressing love.

I don't know if Frankie knows any men or indeed any women but I can tell him that not every act of sex between humans, be it homosexual or heterosexual, is performed as an expression of love. In fact, I would suggest that the vast majority of sexual acts that take place between humans on this planet are motivated by lust rather than love.

And of course, we then have the matter of promiscuity among gay men. The PC Brigade may try to suggest that gay men are, on average, no more promiscuous than straight men but, of course, they are talking bollocks. I'll tell you why:

It may well be that straight men would like as many sexual partners as gay men would like but the very nature of humanity decrees that they're not going to get as many - and promiscuity has nothing to do with how many people you want sex with, it's all to do with how many people you get it with. Keep reading.

Since time immemorial, girls and women have been less willing than boys and men to engage in casual and/or promiscuous sex. The reasons are blindingly obvious: females tend to see sex as an altogether less casual thing than males do. The prospect of appearing "easy" is anathema to most females. Also, if pregnancy occurs as a result of the sex, it's the female that has to carry the can. The result is that girls and women (quite rightly, you might think!) tend to restrict their own sexual activity and, in doing so, they automatically restrict the amount of sex available to straight men in their environment.

A good friend of mine, who is bisexual, tells me that whenever he is out in the pubs and clubs looking for someone to have sex with, he always chooses to chat up another man rather than a woman. Why? Because when you go home with a woman at the end of the night, there's a reasonable chance she won't have sex with you. When you go home with a man at the end of the night, sex is absolutely guaranteed. He tells me that on the basis of his own lifetime's experience and on the lifetime's experience of every gay/bisexual man with whom he has ever discussed the matter.

Whether gay or straight, sex between humans (when viewed on a global scale) is largely motivated by the desire for pleasure and/or conquest with love coming into it sometimes but by no means anywhere near the majority of the time - never mind all the time.

Sex can certainly be an expression of love but to define it as such is bollocks of the highest (new world) order.

So stop talking bollocks, Frankie!

Still on the subject of Frankie Boyle and his ridiculous attempts to appear politically correct on TV, I have to say I was appalled by his recent declaration that he "loves" trans people.

Nobody in the world loves trans people (i.e. every single one of them) - simply because every trans person is different from every other, there are millions of them, and I'm very sure neither Frankie nor anybody else has met them all.

I can tell Frankie something about trans people in the same way that I can tell him something about motor mechanics, dog owners, people with an 'r' in their name, and people who watch TV after midnight: some of them are absolutely splendid folk, some are complete bastards and most of them are somewhere in between. Nobody loves them all - apart perhaps from Jesus, and Frankie ain't Jesus!

Frankie Boyle is, to my mind, one of the funniest and most original comedians in the history of the world. Why he has suddenly decided to grovel to the PC Brigade is beyond me.

Okay, this definitely belongs in this section...
I am acquainted with someone who involves themselves in the making of short films and it's not uncommon for him to ask around for free artwork or props to help keep costs down. Now...I have actually told him in the past that I'm okay with a few bits of my art to be used to create a scene etc. He has never taken me up on this...until now.

A couple of weeks ago, he told me a friend of his was making a film and would pay me for a certain sketch he knows I have already drawn (note...ALREADY drawn). I don't know this other person, but I said it would be great if he could pay me a sum for exclusive rights to it, whether he used it or not.

Then...my contact says...can he have a high quality scan of the picture to show the person. I said...well...no, because that's like me giving it to him before being paid...and, seeing as I don't know this other person, I don't know if he's trustworthy. Then I'm told...even if I don't get paid, it's still a way of getting my artwork seen (tbh, it's not even a great picture and I'm not desperate to be 'seen' as an artist). Out of principle, I said no, because I felt I'd been lied to about being paid and I just wanted them to stop asking. Then...this guy starts telling me the sketch was a bespoke piece of art that was promised to the other person...as if they'd requested a certain image and I'd drawn it for them. Not true.

How do people like this get by in the real world, when they assume the right to other people's creations for free. It's ME who owns the sketch and it's MY decision to either give it away or keep it. Even if it WAS bespoke...the offer of payment was withdrawn.

A similar thing happened a few years ago, when I agreed to collaborate on a script and it soon became apparent that the script was already 'perfect' and needed no further input from collaborators. However, if I still REALLY wanted to be involved, I could meet up with them, collect the written script and type it out for them. When I said there wasn't really much point me being involved if that's all I would be contributing, they were very quick to tell me how they would never consider me again and how I'd let them down. This was after just a handful of email exchanges, which made it very clear that I should be grateful to be given the opportunity to spend hours upon hours typing up their script for neither credit nor cash. Fksake.