Status report Page 6,034

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 4th April 2019, 4:24 PM

Mr Google strikes again.

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In my defence, I must say that if don't have a particular piece of information in my head, my first resort is to pray for the information to be put there by God.

If that fails (which it usually does), I either say "F**k it!" or I do what almost everybody else in the civilised world does and resort to Google.

Stephen seems to believe that any and all knowledge obtained from a third party source, be it another person, a book or a website is entirely illegitimate and akin to witchcraft.

I don't try pass it off as my own knowledge though.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 4th April 2019, 5:13 PM

I don't try pass it off as my own knowledge though.

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That may very well be true but neither do I.

I don't think any BCG member, upon reading my post about right-handed racecourses, thought for one single solitary moment that I was able, at the drop of a hat, to reel off the name of every right-handed racecourse in Britain.

Even if I were able to perform such a feat, it would make far more sense for me to Google the information and copy and paste it than it would to type out every single racecourse name individually.

My best advice (which I have not googled) is that you take a chill pill.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 4th April 2019, 3:20 PM

There once was a racehorse called Belper and it only had one eye so could only run at Ripon.

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Are you going to finish this limerick? And if so shouldn't there be a rhyme there?

There once was a race horse called Belper
Who's jockey was unable to help her
She never once won because of how slow she would run
So the vet shot her dead with his gun

That's not a limerick as it should have five lines - if you read it, it doesn't scan.

# EDIT

Just quickly and as I am shit tired, it should be summat like this as the last line should rhyme with the first two:-

There once was a race horse called Belper
Who's jockey was unable to help her
She never once won
Because of how slow she would run
So the vet shot her dead with his helper

Nothing to beat showing everybody in the dressing room (prior to a performance) your hernia scar. They were duly impressed, especially as it was a rare hernia, apparently.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 4th April 2019, 10:24 PM

There once was a race horse called Belper
Who's jockey was unable to help her
She never once won because of how slow she would run
So the vet shot her dead with his gun

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Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 4th April 2019, 11:27 PM

There once was a race horse called Belper
Who's jockey was unable to help her
She never once won
Because of how slow she would run
So the vet shot her dead with his helper

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Interesting efforts but factually totally inaccurate. It should read something like this:

There once was a gelding called Belper
Whose jockeys were able to help him
Win big races at Epsom and Brighton
Because they were both left-handed courses.
He then enjoyed a happy retirement.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 5th April 2019, 8:28 AM

Interesting efforts but factually totally inaccurate. It should read something like this:

There once was a gelding called Belper
Whose jockeys were able to help him
Win big races at Epsom and Brighton
Because they were both left-handed courses.
He then enjoyed a happy retirement.

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NO!! YOU are totally inaccurate as far as the limerick goes (which was the original posting), and again yours doesn't scan!

As I said previous for it to be a LIMERICK the last line should rhyme with the first two, and to back this up, I quote: -

A limerick is a form of verse, usually humorous and frequently rude, in five-line, predominantly anapestic meter with a strict rhyme scheme of AABBA, in which the first, second and fifth line rhyme, while the third and fourth lines are shorter and share a different rhyme. The following example is a limerick of unknown origin:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

I remember the Dunlop horse, Belper.
His left eye had no twin as a helper.
On tracks that turned right,
he was useless as shite
but, left-handed, the boy was a skelper!

How to wind up Hercules!

Sitting on the train today next to a woman who was working on something and I noticed the name of the company printed on it. I was bored so I googled the company which has an 'our staff' section on its website. She was listed along with her mobile number and I thought it might be funny if I call it. Then I realised she probably wouldn't find it funny and think I'm a freak so I went back to staring out the window.

Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 5th April 2019, 10:18 PM

Then I realised she probably wouldn't find it funny and think I'm a freak so I went back to staring out the window.

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That was definitely wise, Definitely Tarby.

Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 5th April 2019, 10:18 PM

Sitting on the train today next to a woman who was working on something and I noticed the name of the company printed on it. I was bored so I googled the company which has an 'our staff' section on its website. She was listed along with her mobile number and I thought it might be funny if I call it. Then I realised she probably wouldn't find it funny and think I'm a freak so I went back to staring out the window.

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Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 5th April 2019, 10:18 PM

Then I realised she probably wouldn't find it funny and think I'm a freak so I went back to staring out the window.

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Long ago, when I was about seventeen, there was a biggish post office on Corporation Street, Manchester.

Late one afternoon, I was in that very post office and I saw an absolute stunner of a teenage girl waiting in one of the queues. She could well have been a French film star or something similar.

Quick as a flash, I went to one of the side counters and found a telegram form upon which I wrote "When are you going out with me?"

I folded it, strolled over to the girl, handed her the form and said "Telegram" before walking back to the site counter.

She opened it, read it and immediately laughed in appreciation of my wit and my unmitigated cheek.

We chatted for a while and she told me it was the most original pickup line she'd ever experienced, or even heard of.

We dated for a time and I honestly cannot remember why we stopped seeing each other.

I can't even remember her name but I do remember she was seriously attractive and as fit as a butcher's dog!