British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 2,023

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 22nd March 2019, 3:15 PM

lets meet in No Mans Land and have a game of footy .

Is that the new name for Millwall's stadium ?

Surely our common ground is our agreement our MPs have done a poor job and the solution is to implement more accountability. For example Boris can lie about £350 million a week, Joe public would do prison time for fraud of that magnitude. I get a full refund if someone miss sells me a pen, the Brexit miss sell is more important than a pen. The MPs fostered this divide in our country, maybe we need to find the common ground, as they seem incapable of any compromise at all.

Quote: Firkin @ 22nd March 2019, 7:18 PM

Is that the new name for Millwall's stadium ?

Surely our common ground is our agreement our MPs have done a poor job and the solution is to implement more accountability. For example Boris can lie about £350 million a week, Joe public would do prison time for fraud of that magnitude. I get a full refund if someone miss sells me a pen, the Brexit miss sell is more important than a pen. The MPs fostered this divide in our country, maybe we need to find the common ground, as they seem incapable of any compromise at all.

Thank you for your comments. The referendum was presented as binding and endorsed by the triggering by almost every MP by Article 50. Consequently, it was miss-sold by David Cameron who somehow managed to outdo Major, Blair and Brown as the worst PM of all time. I am not one to wish to incite violence. I merely comment as I see it. On the basis of the current situation, I think Britain will be ablaze throughout the summer, We can no doubt discuss this further if it turns out not to be the case. I just sense that slippered liberals have not the faintest idea what they are up against and I don't hate them but would want to protect them from themselves.

I predict the army will need to step in and take over Parliament for a period by Christmas and given what has been involved - ie a duping of the public about democracy - and given the critical nature of it all this is something I would fully support to maintain national security. I do think there will be some unfortunate fallout - people of ethnic origins and gay people will for a short period live in fear because of what their so-called representatives in Parliament have done which is sad but on the plus side I think there will be considerable wealth distribution for everyone including them. Because it has been turned into class war by the rich and I don't think they are going to be holding onto their money for much longer. Hooray. I happen to have just about paid my mortgage on my tiny shed like property but I side with the poor people of the Walworth Road whatever their race and their sexuality as those are my family origins and I think that they - and the white working class - will benefit in the long run.

For the record, you can join me, the army and Millwall supporters in late May at the New Den for a celebrity match on behalf of Childline - so don't for one minute be fooled into thinking of stereotypes although I know you mean well. I am kindly and civilly appreciative of your contribution. I can't help my thinking process but there it is.

Bestest.

( before you ask me about the ERG and their intransigence or UKIP, I can't stand them any more than I can stand Remoaners -the May deal is the deal - please get your MP to get behind her; she is a good person and has done her best and is horribly bullied from all sides : it is absolutely disgusting what they are doing to her - and us)

Civil unrest? I don't think so.

Unless life post-Brexit or post-no-Brexit really is as bad as we are being told it will be, the vast majority of British citizens won't give a damn about being in or out of Europe or indeed about much else.

It's all about bread and circuses.

Quote: Lazzard @ 22nd March 2019, 6:13 PM

"In the United States presidential election, the popular vote is not used to elect the President of the United States. There have been five United States presidential elections in which the person who became president received fewer popular votes than their opponent, the most recent being the 2016 presidential election."

Yeah - I know I'm arguing against my own point, but that's Brexit Britain for you.
:P

How true!

I am not a "remoaner". I actively campaigned not to join the EU back in 1975 and I did not vote in the 2016 referendum for reasons previously given on these forums.

However, given what has happened (or not happened) over the last two and a half years, I have no confidence in Parliament being able to manage, amongst other things, Britain's post-Brexit legal system, trade deals, healthcare, security or the Irish border.

Since our own elected MPs are clearly no longer capable of running Britain, I have come to the conclusion that the only solution is for Britain to remain in the EU, thus enabling Parliament to continue to abdicate all its responsibilities to Brussels.

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 22nd March 2019, 10:17 PM

I am not a "remoaner"

:P

You've just reminded me of my poor old mammy and daddy. I think that was 'their song' ( the original obviously), because at family parties my father always wanted my mother to sing it, and she wasn't normally given to singing in 'public'.

Quote: Briosaid @ 22nd March 2019, 11:58 PM

You've just reminded me of my poor old mammy and daddy. I think that was 'their song' ( the original obviously), because at family parties my father always wanted my mother to sing it, and she wasn't normally given to singing in 'public'.

I can imagine. The two "gathering of the clans" in that tenement with my father in law's big family in Earl Street (in Glasgow, of course ) in the 60s always had a sing song at some time in the evening and EVERYONE sang no matter what. Me, my wife and her sister could not sing for toffee, but they absolutely insisted we did even though the three of us were totally tone deaf. Talk about embarrassment! They finally agreed to a "trio" and I remember the three of strangling out a "version" of Bobby Vee's "Rubber Ball".

Oh dear.

*EDIT

THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY and his Uncle Bobby reminds me of some of my wife's uncles and cousins.

(such a shame the other VERY funny routine Billy does of this phenomenon is not on YouTube - buying a carry out of drink and then walking along one of the tenement blocks until you hear a sing song in one of them and knocking on that door and telling them Jimmy sent him and he then got into the party. His descriptions of what was going on inside is effin' hilarious.)

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 23rd March 2019, 6:29 AM

I can imagine. The two "gathering of the clans" in that tenement with my father in law's big family in Earl Street (in Glasgow, of course ) in the 60s always had a sing song at some time in the evening and EVERYONE sang no matter what. Me, my wife and her sister could not sing for toffee, but they absolutely insisted we did even though the three of us were totally tone deaf. Talk about embarrassment! They finally agreed to a "trio" and I remember the three of strangling out a "version" of Bobby Vee's "Rubber Ball".

Oh dear.

*EDIT

THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY and his Uncle Bobby reminds me of some of my wife's uncles and cousins.

0
(such a shame the other VERY funny routine Billy does of this phenomenon is not on YouTube - buying a carry out of drink and then walking along one of the tenement blocks until you hear a sing song in one of them and knocking on that door and telling them Jimmy sent him and he then got into the party. His descriptions of what was going on inside is effin' hilarious.)

I shouldn't have watched that. I had a hernia op. yesterday and laughing isn't a good idea.

Quote: Briosaid @ 23rd March 2019, 12:26 PM

I shouldn't have watched that. I had a hernia op. yesterday and laughing isn't a good idea.

Oh dear, never mind. Save it for later.

Watched just now as I never tire of it. His drunk uncle with the unintelligible dirty songs just creases me up - tears streaming down my face. SO BLOODY FUNNY.

I'm sure I have the other one of him and the carry out, looking for a sing-song I saved to DVD somewhere, so I'll have to dig it out and post to YouTube.
Will let you know when you've "healed" :D

Only two or three newspapers this morning carried the story unearthed by Order Order of allegations that the woman behind the Remain petition had, to quote that site, written that the Prime Minister needed "putting down", that she had said "if I got hold of her (sic) gun I'd shoot her point blank", that she had discussed with a friend how to purchase a paintgun and solid balls that would cause her "extreme pain", that she had been given the advice, "never shoot them in the back, always shoot them in the face, better still the groin at close range", that they had further discussed modifications to include pepper spray to make it more painful, storming the Commons to kill her, and the merits of a Tippmann pistol.

This woman was given lengthy airtime on LBC. Not a word was mentioned by that station on the allegations when they were made and BBC Radio 4 remained totally silent until it emerged that she had scarpered to Cyprus on account of allegedly receiving three death threats. The article now on the BBC news website accentuates at length those alleged death threats and after nearly 20 paragraphs adds as a mere footnote that there were earlier allegations of her stance towards the Prime Minister as if that hardly matters along with her view that it has been a set-up. There is something rotten in this sewer of the borough UK and the sooner Her Majesty's Army disbands Parliament to restore democracy - and national security - the better. The Royal Family also need to be moved immediately to a safe place for their safety.

When you consider this alongside the weasly outcry from some MPs about May's mild statements that she was on the people's side and how that was inflated to accuse her of endangering their lives, when exactly is the PM going to get adequate personal protection from Remain extremists. of which there are many, LBC, the BBC and a wide range of MPs?

This country is taking the piss.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 23rd March 2019, 4:03 PM

Oh dear, never mind. Save it for later.

Watched just now as I never tire of it. His drunk uncle with the unintelligible dirty songs just creases me up - tears streaming down my face. SO BLOODY FUNNY.

I'm sure I have the other one of him and the carry out, looking for a sing-song I saved to DVD somewhere, so I'll have to dig it out and post to YouTube.
Will let you know when you've "healed" :D

I read a really funny one on Facebook recently, about the time terrorists tried to do Glasgow Airport. That might not sound like something you should joke about but it was hysterical. Before a Belfast audience.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 23rd March 2019, 4:10 PM

Only two or three newspapers this morning carried the story unearthed by Order Order of allegations that the woman behind the Remain petition had, to quote that site, written that the Prime Minister needed "putting down", that she had said "if I got hold of her (sic) gun I'd shoot her point blank", that she had discussed with a friend how to purchase a paintgun and solid balls that would cause her "extreme pain", that she had been given the advice, "never shoot them in the back, always shoot them in the face, better still the groin at close range", that they had further discussed modifications to include pepper spray to make it more painful, storming the Commons to kill her, and the merits of a Tippmann pistol.

This woman was given lengthy airtime on LBC. Not a word was mentioned by that station on the allegations when they were made and BBC Radio 4 remained totally silent until it emerged that she had scarpered to Cyprus on account of allegedly receiving three death threats. The article now on the BBC news website accentuates at length those alleged death threats and after nearly 20 paragraphs adds as a mere footnote that there were earlier allegations of her stance towards the Prime Minister as if that hardly matters along with her view that it has been a set-up. There is something rotten in this sewer of the borough UK and the sooner Her Majesty's Army disbands Parliament to restore democracy - and national security - the better. The Royal Family also need to be moved immediately to a safe place for their safety.

When you consider this alongside the weasly outcry from some MPs about May's mild statements that she was on the people's side and how that was inflated to accuse her of endangering their lives, when exactly is the PM going to get adequate personal protection from Remain extremists. of which there are many, LBC, the BBC and a wide range of MPs?

This country is taking the piss.

Do you think that's true about the woman? I heard she's about 77. And don't start me about the Royal Family! We're in a sodding awful mess and surely this is the point at which the head of state should step in? They get paid a wad of money for doing bugger all. Didn't it come out that Auld Lizzie had told Cameron she wasn't sure what the EU is?

She appears to be totally with all faculties. An ex college lecturer who was able to hold a lengthy discussion with one of LBC's broadcasters a day or two ago. Obviously I can't say if the allegations are true. They have been treated sufficiently seriously by some newspapers to quote them. I am surprised that they haven't been commented on, let alone apparently investigated, by the powers that be. But what I really object to is the emphasis by the BBC etc on her allegations about what she has received and their parallel relegation and reduction of the alleged threats by her to the life of the Prime Minister as if that were nothing and entirely irrelevant. Anyone normal should find that very worrying and regard these wings of the establishment as systemically sick. As for the Queen stepping in, that can only be done in my humble opinion with the safeguarding of her by the Army. But in fairness to her and her service to us since the 1950s I think she should be protected by the army making the decision to take over the running of this country on a temporary basis unilaterally. It will happen. The question is when. Do we wait for widespread civil unrest or try to prevent that escalation by doing it now.

While this might sound alarmist, it is mild compared with high level talks currently being undertaken in private in Germany where there is beginning to be the realisation that the resentment of the EU will be such in the coming years if Brexit isn't delivered that the generations of youths on the streets today will be sent off to fight and die in an Anglo-German war. As I said in an earlier post, many of these people and in many instances their daft parents need protecting from themselves.

Jimmy Carter becomes the oldest ever ex President:

Right link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-3TabrzA70

I'm a bit concerned by your belief that the army should take over the country. You cannot be serious!????

Quote: Briosaid @ 23rd March 2019, 4:36 PM

I read a really funny one on Facebook recently, about the time terrorists tried to do Glasgow Airport. That might not sound like something you should joke about but it was hysterical. Before a Belfast audience.?

Here's the link:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=243509812899868&id=201970893720427

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