British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,750

Quote: Briosaid @ 17th February 2019, 9:33 PM

Absolutely not. She was a poor wee soul who smelled. Sadly her name was Stella, a star. I do wonder where she is now, if she still lives. Maybe I'll Google her in Scotland's People.

I have a feeling Stella will be no stranger to a good googling.

I'm currently looking for ways to stop my kids using the word 'yeet'. It was cute, at first, but now it's really yanking my pubes. Or is that yeeting my pubes...ffs.

Quote: Old Lady Leg @ 18th February 2019, 10:17 AM

I'm currently looking for ways to stop my kids using the word 'yeet'. It was cute, at first, but now it's really yanking my pubes. Or is that yeeting my pubes...ffs.

I've never heard that. What does it mean?

Quote: Briosaid @ 18th February 2019, 10:46 AM

I've never heard that. What does it mean?

Well...apparently, it started as the name of a victory dance performed by someone on the internet. Now, according to my kids, it's basically used for anything they want to use it for...still an exclaimation of victory, but also a type of 'yes', or a verb of any kind. ANY KIND! Bye dictionary. :-/

Examples:

Youngest completes a hard level on a game of some sort ... "YEET!"

ME: Did you finish that chapter for your homework?
YOUNGEST: Yeet.

ME: I can't get this last drop of yoghurt out of the pot.
TEEN: Just yeet it out. (dig it out?) Yeet your yoghurt...a potential euphemism, if ever there was one.

ME: If you don't leave now, you'll miss the bus.
TEEN: I will...I'll just have to yeet it down the road. (hurry to the bus stop?)

Youngest simply ambles from one room to the other with a random, "Yeet." (no idea)

It's becoming extremely annoying...and I don't annoy easily...except for some other things that really do annoy me.

As much as traditionalists like myself may resist, language is an ever evolving medium. Otherwise we would all still be talking in Shakespearian or Chaucerian.

From the on-line "Urban Dictionary" ( https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Yeet ):

"Yeet is a versatile word that can be used as an exclamation, a verb, or even a noun.

As an exclamation it can be used to express excitement, usually happily but also nervously.
It can also be used as an exclamation of victory.
Or as a battle cry or focus-shout while throwing or hitting something, like "HIII-YA".

When in its verb form it has different tenses with different spellings, like any other verb.
(Present) I yeet
(Past/Imperfect) I was yeeting
(Past/Perfect) I yote
(Pluperfect) I have yought
(Future) I will yeet
(Future perfect) I will have yought

As a noun, 'a yeet' is the action of yeeting. Yeet can also be a feeling or emotion, usually like an adrenaline rush."

So your kids have all yought during half term.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3PvcpWbUIg

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 19th February 2019, 10:30 AM

(Present) I yeet
(Past/Imperfect) I was yeeting
(Past/Perfect) I yote
(Pluperfect) I have yought
(Future) I will yeet
(Future perfect) I will have yought

As a noun, 'a yeet' is the action of yeeting. Yeet can also be a feeling or emotion, usually like an adrenaline rush."

So your kids have all yought during half term.

Yeet, I've tried to get hip with all the tenses...and yote a lot myself in the beginning, but, with two of 'em yeeting all the yeeting time, it's hard not to feel completely yought to the back yeets! It's really yeeting my yeets. Ya know!?

Quote: Old Lady Leg @ 19th February 2019, 10:55 AM

Yeet, I've tried to get hip with all the tenses...and yote a lot myself in the beginning, but, with two of 'em yeeting all the yeeting time, it's hard not to feel completely yought to the back yeets! It's really yeeting my yeets. Ya know!?

Freak 'em out by laying some Latin down on them. Yo Mamma! Yeet down with the kids and you might start a trend. THEN you'll have some street (or is that yeet) cred. Innit.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 19th February 2019, 11:14 AM

Freak 'em out by laying some Latin down on them. Yo Mamma! Yeet down with the kids and you might start a trend. THEN you'll have some street (or is that yeet) cred. Innit.

I've tried to yeet, but I don't think it's the same coming from ya mumsy.

ME: I need to yeet my hair.
TEEN: That could mean anything. You washing it? Brushing it? Dying it?
ME: I'm yeeting it, shaddap!

They're horrible to me, they are.

Maybe if you use it a lot, it'll put them off it? Get your friends to use it too. Ruin it completely!

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 19th February 2019, 10:30 AM

language is an ever evolving medium. Otherwise we would all still be talking in Shakespearian or Chaucerian.

The advent of "Yeet" suggests to me very strongly that our language is not ever-evolving but rather that it has reached the point of maximum expansion/evolution and has now begun to contract towards a singularity.

The future is yeet, yeet and only yeet.

I yeet you not.

Getting increasingly frustrated with people assuming that, just because I'm single, I'm constantly looking for a bloke. One of my friends is addicted to dating apps/sites and, when she starts telling me about this guy and that guy, I just listen in awe!

For someone who isn't actually that bothered about finding a man, it's pretty annoying to receive texts (as well-intentioned as they are) directing me to that new Lumen app, which appears to be aimed at more mature people.

Comments like this...I've had them all:

"This exactly what you need." - Usually in a text, containing the link.

"You can make sure they have a car and money first, so you can get out more." - They might also be complete wankers, but okay. Go out more? I'm not a complete shut-in!

"And you'll have more of a chance, because they're more likely to be older than you." - Thanks.

"The older ones are more desperate." - Are they!? So, you mean...they'll even date me!? Again...thanks.

I still have friends who invite me round for cups of tea and try to discretely mention a friend, who they're worried about, who's just split from their wife/girlfriend. "Oh, he's such a nice guy...just needs someone nice to talk to, really." Not so discrete, when they immediately put, "So...are you seeing anyone at the moment?" on the end of it. Bizarre.

It's been about four years, so far. Four years, regularly punctuated by short bursts of concern for my singledom. It's like they want to put something right for me...that THEY think is wrong in my life. Again...bizarre.

Or, maybe, I'm just dead inside.

Why do I have to keep signing in?

Quote: Old Lady Leg @ 17th February 2019, 12:48 PM

My daughter has had nits for the past month. I've complained to the school and they said they would send out a 'nit letter'. Well...the nit letter has not cured anyone's nits and, after constantly treating my own daughter's long, thick hair and combing her free of nits over the weekends, she just goes back in and gets more big bastards back on her head. It's now half-term and she's, again, clear of the little shits. So we have one week of no nits, before she goes back and gets some more. This is really pissing me off...thanks for reading.

Update (because you really want to know...yes, you do!): I cleared my girl completely of nits/lice over the half-term holiday. After one week back, I found another five big bastards on her head. I asked for another letter to be sent out...but, after daily spraying and combing...and nearly a fortnight later, she is still coming home scratching every day. I'm just at a loss for what to do. I've treated her with a shop-bought kit out of desperation (it doesn't usually get this far), but I don't want to be putting chemicals on her scalp every few weeks, just to deter lice from other kids' heads laying eggs on her. This stuff is greasy as fk...and doesn't wash out for ages, but she has her hair tied back securely every day, so it doesn't show. Boys and girls with shorter hair have to walk round with nasty, gungy hair glistening under the lights for all to see. Is that why people don't treat their kids' infestations? I know it can be embarrassing for the child, but the scratching must be driving them mad. Bear in mind, I'm in my early fifties and started having kids in my early twenties...so I've been dealing with nits for nearly 30 years now...and I've never had to deal with them for this long. Grown-ups are simply not allowed to touch children anymore (a good thing in certain circumstances, I know), let alone search their hair for lice/nits and potentially embarrass them with the results. I want the nit nurse back! Does anyone have her number?

Quote: Old Lady Leg @ 13th March 2019, 1:29 PM

I want the nit nurse back!

Five things come not back:

The spoken word.

The sped arrow.

Time passed.

The neglected opportunity.

And the nit nurse.

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