My car has a 'Baby on board' sticker so the person behind slows down. Unless it's a priest, he speeds up.
Tell us a joke Page 221
Went to a short-sighted prostitute. Didn't see it coming.
Who's got no thumbs and a great punchline!? Err, no idea...
They say you only appreciate something when you've lost it. What about virginity?
My dad says his penis is larger than mine, but I rise above it.
The Vatican are campaigning against child abuse. It' s like Hitler working for racial equality. 'Genocide was just a phase...'
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 26th February 2019, 11:10 AMThe Vatican are campaigning against child abuse. It's like Hitler working for racial equality. 'Genocide was just a phase...'
Hitler, I'm told, wiped out about 1/400th of the world's population because he thought the world would be a better place without them.
God, I'm told, wiped out almost 100% of the world's population because he thought the world would be a better place without them. He also drowned every land-dependent creature that didn't make it onto the Ark.
I can understand why people hate Hitler but I can't understand why anybody would hate Hitler yet love God.
Probably because they think gods real and he can get them if they bad mouth him .
If you burn a Gospel, do you get lukewarm?
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 3rd March 2019, 11:30 AMIf you burn a Gospel, do you get lukewarm?
On a slightly serious note, the reasonably decent joke about getting lukewarm will be lost on many listeners because they'll turn off (in terms of comedy receptiveness) as soon as they hear the words "burn a Gospel".
Additionally, the practicalities involved in burning a Gospel while leaving the rest of the Bible intact make the joke appear somewhat contrived.
I think you'd be much better off with "If you leave a Bible on a radiator, does it get lukewarm?"
That's funny, it won't offend anybody, and it'll get you a laugh everywhere from a primary school to an old folks' home.
Having said all that, I do realise that a bit of offensiveness is very much your thing (and why shouldn't it be?) so perhaps my advice is better-aimed at anybody who reads your original joke and thinks about nicking it. 
Wow, someone arsed to comment! Nice one.
They've taken the book of Ruth out of the Bible. Ruthless!
Quote: Rood Eye @ 3rd March 2019, 2:17 PMHaving said all that, I do realise that a bit of offensiveness is very much your thing
In the words of Oscar Wilde, there is only one thing worse than being spoken about behind one's back. And that is Mrs Brown's Boys.
Playboy are experimenting with a multi-level marketing company. It's a cottaging industry
A tit-à-tit?
Did you break my window? - Maltesers. All Sorts. Mars bars. - Enough of the sweet talk. Did you break my window?
Isn't it ironic that the dance troupe "Diversity" were actually very good at what they did?
That must be the only occasion in British TV history when diversity and talent went hand-in-hand.