British Comedy Guide

Moses Smell The Roses Page 2

I suppose the last thing they wanted was people enjoying it .

It was that and re-incarnation that did it.

I've never liked condensed milk anyway , serves them right for putting it on their jelly .

There are several widespread misconceptions about biblical events a few of which I'd now like to correct:

1. Almost everybody thinks that the first thing the Israelites knew about the Ten Commandments was when Moses brought them down the mountain carved on a couple of stone tablets. The Bible, however, makes it clear that God himself announced the Commandments in his own voice to the assembled multitude.

2. Almost everybody thinks that God inflicted the plagues on Egypt in order to persuade Pharaoh to change his mind about the Jews' enslavement. The Bible, however, makes it clear that God inflicted the plagues and simultaneously hardened Pharaoh's heart so that he would not succumb to the pressure . . . in order to lengthen the stand-off and allow God to boost his own image and to demonstrate his mighty power by eventually overcoming the will of the mighty Pharaoh.

3. Almost everybody thinks that Goliath was slain by a schoolboy using the ancient equivalent of a Dennis-the-Menace-type catapult. The truth of the matter, however, is that he was slain by a young man using a long-established and (in the hands of a skilled exponent) lethal military weapon - the slingshot. When David stepped forward with his slingshot to face Goliath, nobody in the crowd would have laughed or even smiled. Everybody would have known that, if David was any good with that weapon, Goliath was in deep doo-doo unless he could get to David before he got a shot off.

There's lots of great stuff in the Bible - order your copy NOW!

I can relate to that Rood as I have seen a few giants felled with house bricks , though normally from behind .

What about the five fish butty's that fed thousands.
Hope they didn't get them from our chippy, I've seen bigger sticklebacks than what they serve.

I've always had my doubts about how much Judas was paid?, it seems an awful lot considering the times. According to my calculations he got enough to open a Chippy/ Service station on the road to Damascus , which was the busiest road in the world at the time. Makes you wonder what the Romans were really looking for Jesus for?

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 28th February 2019, 2:57 PM

I've always had my doubts about how much Judas was paid?, it seems an awful lot considering the times. According to my calculations he got enough to open a Chippy/ Service station on the road to Damascus

In those days, there wasn't much call for petrol so his service station would probably have been a few barrels of water and a few sacks of oats for the passing donkeys.

There were a number of different silver coins in circulation at that time, the most valuable being the Tyrian shekel which weighed 14 grams and was 94% silver. If Judas was paid thirty of those, he pocketed about 400 grams of silver which would be worth about £150 today.

It's difficult, however, to estimate the actual purchasing power of the thirty silver coins but we are told that the high priests, upon being given their money back from a remorseful Judas, decided that they couldn't in all conscience return the money to the temple funds (as it was considered blood money) and so instead decided to buy a field in which to bury strangers.

I've no idea how big the field was or what the price of land was in that area at that time so that doesn't help us an awful lot.

Rood you are a mine of biblical information , if I ever get the chance to write my Christmas classic screen play ' Three Kings One Kid and Manger I would use you as script consultant and I'd pay you in Mryh as you probably use that anyway and I have no idea what it is ?

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