SCENE - A man running around the outside of a house with a vacuum cleaner.
WOMAN (shouting from an upstairs window) - Tony, what on Earth are you doing, my parents will be here any minute?
TONY - Well you said you wanted me to run round the house with the hoover.
For a pun it's not bad, incredibly short, and a nice visual but it will be a bit of a groaner. Although a mix of these aren't a bad thing to have imo.
I liked this Tony but the punchline could be tighter IMHO - "You said to run round the house with the hoover".
Instead of him frantically running round he could be in slow-mo with the hoover beside him whilst Chariots of Fire plays. Not that I know my arse from my arm joint.
I think it would work better the other way round. First thing woman says is "Quickly run round the house with the hoover would you?". Bloke thinnks about it... says "alright" and then cut to the shot of him doing it.
The visual for me is funnier than the explanation/pun.
Quote: ShoePie @ March 2 2010, 11:27 PM GMTI think it would work better the other way round. First thing woman says is "Quickly run round the house with the hoover would you?". Bloke thinnks about it... says "alright" and then cut to the shot of him doing it.
The visual for me is funnier than the explanation/pun.
Yes, definitely think this way round is better, cheers everyone.
Adding another re write to your sketch: I'd have woman with friend in living room. Husband speeds by window at intervals accompanied by hoover sound. Friend increasingly puzzled. Woman nonchanantly explains. Friend satisfied.
bought new vacuum recently!
My 2 year old and 4 year old also love vacuuming with it.
https://cleaningbeasts.com/roomba-650-review/
Well that's the strangest bump of a thread for a while.