UKTV Gold Christmas Cracker Joke Competition Page 13

Some of my better failed attempts.

1. Since GDPR why doesn't Santa tell people if dried fruit is left out for him?

Date Protection.

2. Which character won't be putting up with any shenanigans at the Star Wars Xmas party?

R2-Me2

3. Why will children be disappointed if they get the David Beckham train set this Xmas?

It's really fast- but it comes without points.

4. Theresa May is going to recreate a famous film dance at the Tory Xmas party.

Footloose?

No, but then there's not much movement in the knees either.

Quote: Will Cam @ 11th December 2018, 4:22 PM

Some of my better failed attempts.

1. Since GDPR why doesn't Santa tell people if dried fruit is left out for him?

Date Protection.

2. Which character won't be putting up with any shenanigans at the Star Wars Xmas party?

R2-Me2

3. Why will children be disappointed if they get the David Beckham train set this Xmas?

It's really fast- but it comes without points.

4. Theresa May is going to recreate a famous film dance at the Tory Xmas party.

Footloose?

No, but then there's not much movement in the knees either.

View original

Could easily have won!

Cheers BTF

I must take ownership for this one.

What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence

Hopefully the libel laws don't apply to cracker jokes!

Well done again Jeremy.

Quote: Jeremy Dillon @ 11th December 2018, 8:45 PM

I must take ownership for this one.

What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence

Hopefully the libel laws don't apply to cracker jokes!

View original

Good one Jeremy. I put a cracker joke on twitter about Mr P Green. Had the same libel concerns. Ran it by a friend who knows a bit about libel after reading the Gold small print.
Will stick it up here.

Quote: beaky @ 11th December 2018, 3:30 PM

Very high standard - the Trump joke a worthy winner.
What a strange prize - £1,500 towards the cost of a holiday? Why not just give the cash?

View original

At a guess, they maybe have some deal with some sort of travel company or something.

Quote: beaky @ 11th December 2018, 3:30 PM

Very high standard - the Trump joke a worthy winner.

View original

I can't believe it won. It's topical but would be with any public figure, and the actual gag is older than an Italian politician. Also a tad dubious given they're always going on about family fun. 'Whassit mean, Daddy?' 'Means he f**ks a lot and then pays 'em to shuddup.'
Still, now I've got the formula, I'd better practise:
Knock knock. - Who's there? - Donald. - Donald who? - Donald Trump.
What's black and white and red all over and sometimes talks about Brexit? A newspaper.
What's brown and sticky and has nothing to do with Brexit? - A stick.
Why did Sean Menders cross the road? - To get to the other side.
Big Brother winner says, 'My wife went to the West Indies.' Big Brother runner-up says, 'Jamaica?' He says, 'No, she went of her own accord.'
Hours of fun.

Quote: Jeremy Dillon @ 11th December 2018, 8:45 PM

I must take ownership for this one.

What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence

View original

Very good.

"What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence"

That joke makes no sense.

To say that he buys their silence means, of course, that he buys their silence for himself.

The former employees' silence isn't (and cannot logically be) a Christmas gift for the former employees.

"Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett's Christmas party? She misjudged the strength of the punch" is an absolutely excellent joke! It's much better than the winner which itself is pretty good.