I don't know if this one will stay up as its not a comedy. I have been submitting unsolicited comedy scripts to random production companies for over ten years and of the few that were read all come up against 'Subjectivity' So what I find funny others clearly don't.
So I took three months of spare time and wrote a thriller set over three nights for next Christmas.
Its only the opening scene that I am putting up and I don't know if Arron will let it stand as its not comedy but if he does and anyone has the time I would love a bit of feedback
Teddy
Caption: Praha, Št?drý den 1968
Followed by translation
Prague, Christmas Eve 1968
SCENE: EAST EUROPEAN STREET - DAY
A deserted snow-covered street. A man in a trench coat & hat is dropped off by truck and begins to walk along a street. An open top truck with troops in the back passes him menacingly slow. From the truck's cab an evil looking officer in Russian army uniform is sat in the passenger seat surveying him intently. The man is visibly relieved as the truck passes, he gathers himself and continues along the street and enters a café.
SCENE: CAFÉ - DAY
The man enters and walks to the counter and orders a coffee and then he sits with his back to a table occupied by a woman with a baby. The man then makes a show of putting sugar in his coffee as he speaks covertly to the woman behind him.
Jiri, 30's kind, Slavic accent
JIRI:
Sister Dita! I do hope that's not your baby?
Dita, 20's Slavic accent looks at the baby which is a doll.
DITA:
It's the baby Jesus from the crib, I promised Father Edvard I'd have it back in time
for midnight mass
JIRI:
Have you heard from Jakob?
DITA:
Yes, he said he'll be there as planned
JIRI:
Good, now what time does the curfew start?
DITA:
8pm sharp! If you're seen after that no papers or cover stories will get you out of it.
The patrols take everyone, and I mean everyone!
JIRI:
I was told it was ten, and if this snow gets any heavier then it's going to be even
more difficult
DITA:
Do you think we should call it off?
JIRI:
Impossible! Can you get a message to Jakob?
DITA:
If it's vital?
JIRI:
It is, tell him 'Snow Switch' he'll know what that means
DITA:
I'll make sure he gets it
JIRI:
Wry smile
Good and make sure Father Edvard gets his Baby Jesus back before midnight mass
as well
Jiri finishes his coffee and leaves without looking back.
SCENE: EAST EUROPEAN STREET - DAY
Jiri RI exits the café and turns his collar up to ward against the falling snow and walks slowly in a fixed direction. As he does so he discreetly surveys the houses he passes until he comes across an abandoned one. He makes his way around the back of the house and pulls off a board acting as a window cover, he climbs in.
SCENE: INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - DAY
A cold empty 2 storey house lit only by the light coming through the slats of the boards across the windows.
Jiri replaces the board on the window from the inside and gingerly makes his way through the dark house. He locates the stairs which he climbs and enters the front bedroom. He walks over to the slatted window and looks down onto the street. He then pulls over a box and sits vigil like at the window. As he does so a patrol of heavy coated soldier's march along the street below him. Jiri is startled as one of the soldiers tests the boards of the abandoned house with the butt of his rifle. As he sees this Jiri quickly stands up from the box and puts his back to the wall. He then hears the patrol move on and he gathers his confidence and looks out and catches sight of the back end of the patrol, as he does so he checks his watch.
SCENE: ABANDONED HOUSE- NIGHT
JIRI is sat on the box and is almost asleep, a noise outside wakes him and he tentatively looks down onto the street and sees the same patrol of soldiers. He checks his watch and then stands up and begins to warm himself up by rubbing his arms and legs. He then makes his way down the stairs, as he does so his foot goes through the stair and the noise is exaggerated throughout the house.
SCENE: SNOW COVERED STREET - NIGHT
The solider at the back of the patrol stops and turns on hearing the noise. He listens for a few seconds and seemingly satisfies himself that it was nothing, he then turns and walks quickly to catch up with his comrades.
SCENE: ABANDONED HOUSE- NIGHT
Jiri is stood dead still, after a few seconds he is reassured and begins to feel the walls as he slowly and silently makes his through the abandoned house and climbs out through the boarded window.
SCENE: STREET- NIGHT
Jiri begins to replace the board on the window but then decides against it, instead he walks around the building to the front and begins to walk in the same tracks that the patrol has left. Jiri continues down the street until he reaches a front door. He then makes an elaborate knock on the door which is then opened by an old man in a heavy coat, who quickly beckons Jiri in.
SCENE: OLD MANS HOUSE - NIGHT
A gloomy room with no fire there is a young frightened boy aged 4-5 dressed in a heavy coat.
Jiri and the old man shake hands like lost friends then the old man walks over and holds the young boy's hand as he speaks gently.
OLD MAN, 70is poor sad with Slavic accent
OLD MAN
Pavel this is Jiri, he will take you on the next step it's a very important step, so you
must do as you are told and be as quite as a mouse, understand?
The little boy nods, the old man then then turns to JIRI
OLD MAN
How long do you have?
JIRI
Looks at watch
20 minutes' max, we must all go now
OLD MAN
I'll only slow you down, no, you must follow in the patrols tracks and let me make
fresh ones heading in the opposite direction, it may fool them long enough to help
the boy get away
JIRI:
concerned
When they catch up with you try to act confused it may help
The old man smiles forlornly and then rustles in his coat pocket and produces a hand grenade that he covertly shows to Jiri.
OLD MAN
I've never been less confused in my life
The two men shake hands again and then the old man helps the young boy onto Jiri's back. The Old Man fixes the boys scarf and speaks fondly to him as he does so the Old Man's eyes glaze.
OLD MAN:
Remember Pavel no noise and be as brave as you can
The Old Man looks around the room as if saying farewell, he walks over to the cold fireplace and picks up a small framed photograph of a couple in their younger days. He smiles fondly at the photograph and then slips it into the inside of his jacket. He then he walks out of the house as Jiri follows with the boy on his back.
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
The Old man crosses the street purposely making fresh tracks in the snow. As he does so Jiri and the boy set off in the same tracks as the patrol. Jiri follows the tracks for a short while then crosses the street leaving his own tracks as he walks.
SCENE: CABIN OF TROOP TRUCK - NIGHT
The evil fat faced Russian captain is looking out of the side window when he sees the Old Man walking quickly down a snow-covered side street. The captain orders the truck to stop and then exits the trucks cabin. The Captain draws a holstered pistol and orders the troops off the back of the truck and they then all run in the direction the Old Man took.
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
Jiri has the boy on his back and he looks exhausted as he carefully follows the patrols tracks. He then comes to a cross roads and steps cautiously onto the virgin snow. Suddenly he stops as he hears a loud bang as the Old Man's grenade goes off in the distance, this spurs him on and he quickens his pace. Leaving a clear trial.
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
The Captain has a badly cut face and some of his troops are clearly injured as they are helped onto the truck. The Captain gets into the truck. As he does so he barks out his orders.
CAPTAIN:
Hospital now!
SCENE: CABIN OF TROOP TRUCK - NIGHT
The Captain is holding a blooded handkerchief to his face as he looks out of the slowly moving truck. Suddenly he spots a set of footprints in the snow and he orders the truck to stop.
CAPTAIN
Halt!
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
The captain is looking at the tracks and he clearly makes a mental decision, he turns and gestures to the truck's driver.
CAPTAIN
The Old Man may have been a ruse. Driver take the injured to the hospital, the rest of
you follow me
The Captain slaps the side of the truck as 4 soldiers drop off the back of the truck, The Captain takes his pistol out of his holster and he leads the troops down an alley following the foot prints. As he does so he starts to blow a whistle that he has on a lanyard around his neck.
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
Jiri hears the whistle and tries to pick up the pace and nearly stumbles. He then turns a corner and runs toward a wall. There is a man leaning over the wall. Jiri walks right up to the wall and the man leans over and takes the Little boy from Jiri's back in one smooth move. More whistles can be heard and the men part in silence. Jiri sets off making fresh tracks, while the man looks puts snow back on the wall to cover the marks he made leaning over and then looks down to ensure the footprints in the snow show no sign of the exchange, then both he and the little boy disappear behind the wall.
SCENE: JETTY - NIGHT
The man lowers the Little Boy gently into a rowing boat and sets of silently rowing toward a darkened ship on the river.
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
The Captain has reached the exchange spot near the wall, he stops for a second and compares the tracks in the snow, he is clearly not happy with their change in depth.
SCENE: BRIDGE- NIGHT
Jiri is standing almost breathless on the bridge; he can see that the Captain is curious about the exchange spot. He reaches into his over coat and takes out a pistol and fires it into the air.
SCENE: STREET - NIGHT
The Captain is still looking at the footprints when the sudden shot is fired and automatically he and his men respond by rushing toward the sound.
SCENE: BRIDGE- NIGHT
Jiri is caught in the headlights of an oncoming army truck. He shields his eyes from the head lights. A soldier who has been chasing him comes up and hits him with a baton. Jiri falls as the rest of his pursuers arrive and start kicking his prone body. The Captain arrives out of breath and uses the tip of his boot to flip Jiri's body over. Jiri's overcoat opens exposing a black shirt and white Dog Collar.
CAPTAIN
This bastard's a priest and he's still alive
FADE IN
Black screen, white letters
LONDON December 21st 2018
EXT. A RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT
A group of mature Carol Singers led by a vicar are singing Good King Wenceslas at the door of a large house with steps. The door opens and a young black man who is already clearly injured falls down the step and lands at their feet. As he does so a woman Carol Singer in the group starts screaming
