I love the Earth's axis. It rocks my world.
Tell us a joke Page 216
What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his automobile? Carloss.
What do you call a German who hangs out with wild dogs? Wolfgang.
What do you call an Italian who respects women? A liar.
Trying to think of a cricket pun, but I'm stumped. Trying to think of a Hampton Court pun, but it has got amazin'. Trying to think of a One Direction pun, but they're such a bunch of wankers.
My mother was furious when I only inserted one testicle. I got a right bollockin'.
My greatest inspiration is 'The Complete Vagina Monolgues'. I want to be the complete asshole stand-up.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 3rd October 2018, 10:45 AMMy greatest inspiration is 'The Complete Vagina Monolgues'. I want to be the complete asshole stand-up.
From what I've seen of your work on here you've already achieved that.
I cleaned it up for the forum. Because I can't say 'c**t'. My ambition is to be the next Andrew Dice Clay, but not as delicate.
I must be the most loved person in the world. Why else would so many people not only remember my birthday, but then take the trouble to open FB and send me greetings? Brings a tear to my eye.
It's no fun being stood up. Unless you're a dick.
What do you call a roomful of monkeys sitting at a computer for 56008 Euros an hour? Wall Street English.
Hope this is not too modern and pc for you but a chinky queues up at the foreign exchange desk when arriving at the airport. 'Harro I wanna change my chinky money into dorrars prease.'
'Certainly, here you are, that's two hundred and eighty dollars at the current exchange rate'
'Wha you say? Why only two eighty? The screen said I get flea fifty an hour ago. Wah happen eh?'
The cashier replies 'Fluctuations.'
'And fluck you Amelicans' shouts the chinky, crossly.
Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 12th October 2018, 8:33 PMHope this is not too modern and pc for you but a chinky queues up at the foreign exchange desk when arriving at the airport. 'Harro I wanna change my chinky money into dorrars prease.'
'Certainly, here you are, that's two hundred and eighty dollars at the current exchange rate'
'Wha you say? Why only two eighty? The screen said I get flea fifty an hour ago. Wah happen eh?'
The cashier replies 'Fluctuations.'
'And fluck you Amelicans' shouts the chinky, crossly.
Not politically incorrect in the slightest. 
Maybe you should have said he was Chinese. It wouldn't have affected its funnyness.
Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 12th October 2018, 8:33 PMHope this is not too modern and pc for you but a chinky queues up at the foreign exchange desk when arriving at the airport. 'Harro I wanna change my chinky money into dorrars prease.'
'Certainly, here you are, that's two hundred and eighty dollars at the current exchange rate'
'Wha you say? Why only two eighty? The screen said I get flea fifty an hour ago. Wah happen eh?'
The cashier replies 'Fluctuations.'
'And fluck you Amelicans' shouts the chinky, crossly.
If Alan Partridge watches pornography, does he get a-haaaaaaaard-on?
I like to chat after sex with seagulls, but that's talking out of terne.