this a sample from my sureal news script im currently writing called weird news.
DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC PLAYS AS CAMERAS PANS TO NEWS READER SHUFFLING PAPERS.
JAMES CUNALINGUS: Hello there and welcome to "Weird News", the news programme that takes life as seriously as Elton John's dress sence.
Tonights headlines, "BILL ODDIE CAUGHT WITH PANT'S DOWN", "BROWN RELATED TO HITLER",
"BUNGLE SEEN LEAVING JEFFREY'S FLAT. But first we cross to our middle east correspondant John Cock, who has
some interesting devolopments on the war in iraq. John!, whats happening?
JOHN IS STANDING LOOKING FORWARD WITH A MIC AND BEHIND HIM WE CAN SEE BOMBS GOING OFF AND HEAR CRASHES AND BANGS
JOHN COCK: Thank's James. Well i'm stood here sorounded by british and allied fighters who are trying desperately in vain to rescue tiddles from a buring tree..
JAMES INTERUPTS
JAMES: Erm!.... a cat john? you're in f#@king iraq!, what about some action?
JOHN: Well i know james but if you come back later the troops are having an intensive game of twister... phew! that will prove to be qiute a story.
CUTS BACK TO JAMES IN STUDIO.
JAMES: John!
JOHN: Yes!
JAMES: F#@k off!
JOHN: erm... well th.. the cats coming down...(fades away as he's cut off)
JAMES SHAKES HEAD
JAMES: Apologies to our viewers, he's still a virgin don't you know...Anyway back to the news.
PICTURE OFF BILL ODDIE COMES UP NEXT TO JAMES'S HEAD.
JAMES: Today former goodie and famous bird pervert Bill Oddie was caught literally with his pants down, for more on this strange and bizzare story here's Martha Gash.
CAMERAS GO TO FOOTAGE OF BILL ODDIE IN HIS DAYS IN THE GOODIES AND ACCOMPANIED BY OTHER FOOTAGE OF HIM ON NATURE PROGGRAMMES.
MARTHA: The vision we usually have of Bill Oddie is that of a gentle man in touch with nature, who had a colourful past as a member of shit comedy act "THE GOODIES"
but now it seems theres more to bill than stroking birds of the feathered king to that of actual buggery, because only last night in his home in the town of "dump
,on sea", famous weatherman Arse johnson "69" who lives next door to bill in a mud hut noticed him acting strange.
CAMERA CUTS TO ARSE TELLING YOU WHAT HE SAW.
ARSE: Well i just saw bill come out his house with a vietnamese rainbow trout and proceeded to spank himself with the fish while doing the funky chicken. It was very
strange.
CAMERA CUTS TO OUTSIDE BILL'S HOUSE
MARTHA: And thats not all because police also claim to have found a startled swan burst past them with a shaved behind and semen dripping from it's beak.
The investigation continues. Martha Gash outside Bill Oddies house reporting for weird news back to you James.
CAMERA PANS BACK TO JAMES IN THE STUDIO.
JAMES: Thank you Martha.
