Thanks for comments on my oneliners. Agree that Obama one could have been worded better.
i enjoyed these sketches but, unhelpfully, I feel they are missing a little something and I'm not quite sure what. I feel the same way about mine. There's something there but somehow not enough. Here's one I sent in for the final Ep. Would be very interested to know what people think is missing/wrong.
EASTERN ENDERS
INTRO
North Korea are to launch two new Soap Operas on their state run TV channel. One can only imagine what the commissioning process has been like...
WRITER: So, you've read it and you're happy with it?
COMMISSIONER: Yes.
WRITER: Oh that's great! I'm so relieved. And you like the title? Eastern Enders?
COMMISSIONER: Yes, yes. That's fine. Oh there was just one thing.
WRITER: Of course. As a writer, I'm happy to oblige. Whatever I can do.
COMMISSIONER: Well that bit where, what's her name, ah yes...Where Jane tells Dave that she'll always love him.
WRITER: Yes.
COMMISSIONER: We just felt it was missing a little something. I hope you don't mind but I've toyed with it a bit.
WRITER: Oh really? OK. Sure I guess.
COMMISSIONER: Yes. Now it goes like this: "Jane: I love you. But not as much as I love our esteemed and wondrous, intelligent and yet also really cute, leader, Jim Jong." So, what do you think?
WRITER: Um. Does it not sort of spoil the intimacy between them?
COMMISSIONER: No. If anything it makes it stronger.
WRITER: I'm presuming that I don't have a say in this?
COMMISSIONER: Au contraire, you have a say. It's just that if you disagree with it, we'll execute you.
WRITER: Well in that case, I think it works very well. Is that all?
COMMISSIONER: Well there is the part in the pub when, what's his name, ah yes, Del, says he's "in charge".
WRITER: And you've rewritten that too?
COMMISSIONER: Just a teeny weeny little bit. Now the line is "You lot all need to listen to me this is my pub. But only because our perfect and brilliant leader who has the strength of the Sun and the virility of a thousand fathers, has allowed me to remain in it."
WRITER: Right. Is that all?
COMMISSIONER: Well there seems to be a little dip in energy on page 17. So we added the following. "Thank heavens that the beloved, really handsome and chiseled one reigns over us so."
WRITER: Sorry, where does that come?
COMMISSIONER: Just before the murder and after the wedding.
WRITER: Right.
COMMISSIONER: Oh and one other thing.
WRITER: Oh for heaven's sake. This is ridiculous. Why didn't you just rewrite the whole thing? What is it? Have you changed the love triangle to a love quartet with his bonkers one!? Is the murder weapon now a nuclear missile? Or have you written out the heart-throb and replaced him with an over pumped, psychotic, narcissistic, weapon obsessed, fat, stupid haircutted, fascist dictator?!
COMMISSIONER: (BEAT) No, it was just a small typo on page 22.
WRITER: Oh bugger. I'm dead now aren't I?
COMMISSIONER: Well. Probably. I think so. Yes.
FX: EAST ENDERS DRUMS TO END