I think this was a rewrite or two away from being good.
LIMITING SOCIAL MEDIA
ANGELA: The cultural secretary, Matt Hancock, has suggested bringing in social media time limits for children. I've got an easier way to reduce kids' social media use: just set up a facebook account, add their friends and post the office Christmas party picture of yourself rat-arsed and grinding on Creepy Gary from accounting. But what if we just applied time limits to other things that can be addictive?
DAD 1: We understand the adverse effects narcotics substances can have on Timmy, so we just keep him on the cocaine from breakfast to brunch, then it's straight onto the weed to mellow him out for the rest of the day.
MUM 2: Sally likes a bit of ecstasy, but we just keep it to special occasions don't we?
DAD 2: Right.
MUM 2: A bit on her birthday.
DAD 2: You've gotta do something special for their birthday.
MUM 2: Last year she asked Santa for a gram of molly.
DAD 2: You can't disappoint them at Christmas, can ya?
MUM 2: And we do allow the odd bump, just on weekends.
DAD 2: You need something for the weekends don't you.
MUM 2: And sometimes we'll use some ketamine to settle her down during the week if she gets into a mood.
DAD 2: You can't go overboard.
MUM 2: You really can't. She knows it's being rationed, so that helps teach her self-control.
MUM 3: I'm completely anti-drug, mostly, so I just burn a lump of hash into little Harry's morning Ready Brek, to put a bit of a glow on things.
DAD 3: Speed. Lots of speed.
MUM 4: I give Albert small frequent small doses of psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms--
INTERVIEWER: Are you not worried that even small doses can have a harmful effect on your son?
MUM 4: Oh Albert isn't my son. He's a 48 year old man with severe PTSD. He was suicidal before we started the treatment. As a doctor I'm fully aware of the adverse effects drugs can have, but they can also be therapeutic.
INTERVIEWER: And what do you think of parents giving limited doses of drugs to their kids.
MUM 4: Not long ago we were living in a draconian age where a small boy couldn't get access to cannabis oil to reduce his extreme seizures brought on by epilepsy. But in general, it's absolutely staggering that parents give their kids even limited access to something so addictive, that not only hijacks the brain's reward system, but also has been proven to have long-term negative effects on mood, learning, motivation and cognitive development. And we know that the people selling it target the young so that they'll be users for life, and they become a long-term profit stream.
INTERVIEWER: So how do you stop your kids from using drugs?
MUM 4: Communication, love, helping them discover and cultivate their interests and talents.
INTERVIEWER: It sounds like a lot of hard work.
MUM 4: Parenting is hard work, it's supposed to be....But when I want to cut loose and do a bit of smack I just let them use facebook for the evening.
END