She does look quite a cracker.
Sorry but it was waiting to be said!
UKTV Gold Christmas Cracker Joke Competition Page 10
Ha go figure my best response for joke is a santa joke lol maybe will enter it
Quote: Lazzard @ 9th November 2017, 11:44 AMIt will, however, need a pretty massive f**king cracker.
And a brand new App for messages 1040 characters long. What about 'Wittier'?
Would somone be so kind as to turn my joke i to 140 characters and fix the grammer so i can enter it wd my physical wording dyslexie i find it hard to edit something aftet created
Its hard to explain i havnt explain my form of spelling dyslexie if one would be so kind to edit it so can send as a tweet as the sienna thanks mark
Quote: Lazzard @ 9th November 2017, 11:44 AMIt will, however, need a pretty massive f**king cracker.
I have spelling dyslexia could you help me in making it 140 characters with correct spelling
How about this u all help me get this cracker done right and well donate 5 grand to the site
5 grand can go to conedy forum co uk u all tweet it out or a spelling charity lets work together and win 
Or a charity since u all believe it can win i cant do it myself
Yes yes comedy forum will tweet it as a forum for charity yes i need all ur help moderators may u please construct my xmas joke and send it as urself for donation to site or charity as ur choosing for 5 grand prize money since u all think can win lets give a crack i hand the joke to the site
Quote: comedywriter dude @ 5th November 2017, 6:50 AMI can't be bothered entering i'll just post it here
Santa why have i just got a wooden toy horse?
because I am the real Santa, I'm old saint Nick himself I'm over 100 years old and I have been delivering wooden toy horses for all that time. This is the true meaning of Xmas
I want Nike shoes can you make that out of wood?
Well actually I can here you go two wooden Nike shoes got logo right and everything
Oh okay .... thanks
Your welcome
Merry Christmas
I give permission to hand this joke to comedy forum co uk moderators on basis 5 grand prize will be spent on charity or to spend on website and comedy community as a whole signed
Comedy dude
Quote: Chappers @ 9th November 2017, 9:49 PMShe does look quite a cracker.
Sorry but it was waiting to be said!
I resisted that.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 10th November 2017, 6:20 PMI resisted that.
And that, my subtle friend, is why you'll never win a cracker competition.
0.36 - 0.43 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdnaPAJgAQI
Well the winners have been announced for 2017
Nothing for me this year. Here are my efforts - which stuck to the brief of being festive and topical (but obviously not funny enough):
What is Jeremy Corbyn's favourite Xmas film? - Kremlins.
Who's going to buy the Jacob Rees-Mogg LEGO set, now on sale in time for Xmas? It's just one big square.
What does Jeremy Corbyn leave out for Santa and Rudolph? His middle class background - well he leaves it out for everyone else.
Why wasn't Donald Trump impressed with the Reindeers at CNN's Xmas party? - They were just fake gnus.
Which film will Donald Trump make his neighbour pay for him to watch on Christmas Day? - WALL-E.
What's the difference between Harvey Weinstein & a Harvey Wallbanger? The Wallbanger's welcome at Hollywood parties this Xmas.
What is Wayne Rooney's favourite Chris Rea song? - 'Walking Home For Christmas'.
I notice they often go for old puns with a new twist - STABLE government, a little horse etc. Last year they had a play on reindeer but instead of the usual 'rain' it was 'reign'.
The 'Lidl' one ain't bad.
Hi Michael, thanks for the plaudit for my Lidl's gag. A shame it was number 11 in the list so I never got a name check!
My proof of the pudding: https://alongthewritelines.blogspot.co.uk/2017/12/pull-other-one-adventures-with-cracker.html
It's back. And the rest of it.
So, I haven't posted any of my efforts yet this year but lying in bed last night I thought of a genuinely funny topical gag.
Option 1. Roll over, get my phone and put it in notes in case I forget it.
Option 2. Go to sleep, rely on my memory and note it down in the morning.
Fill in your own ending.......
Apparently, there are 10 prizes.
First prize is £1500's worth of Trailfinders travel vouchers, a Christmas hamper and a box of Christmas crackers.
There are also nine prizes of a Christmas hamper and a box of Christmas crackers.
This evening, I have submitted nine jokes (every one original and written this evening) in the hope of bagging every prize except the first prize - simply because I have absolutely no use for a travel voucher whether it be worth £15, £1500 or £15 million.
Basically, if it's not in Great Britain, I don't want to go there. I can see almost anywhere in the world on the telly and, rather than go on a boat or a plane, I'd much rather stay at home and do so.
If I am unlucky enough to win the first prize, it will ruin my Christmas because I'll have to give it away and I don't know any bugger who deserves it!