My first go at a sitcom script Page 2

Thank you so for your reply Beaky and for your detailed reply Lazzard. I really appreciate your feedback and your criticism is really helpful and makes a load of sense .

I think I understand what you mean about avoiding describing things that have happened . Now you've mentioned it , it makes perfect sense and makes me consider building funny stuff as the central theme rather than just mentioning it in passing . So obvious but sometimes it needs someone else to see it!

Apologies for that garbled line ; no excuse that is just sloppy.

I have looked up stuff on the series bible etc and will make sure the script is much sharper etc before I send out.

After some further tidying I am thinking of sending it off for a bit of paid feedback .

Anyone used specific services that they would recommend? I am aware of Marc's

Hi James,

I like the concept of a failing wrestling business for a sitcom. Strong and quite original and as others have pointed out there's some good lines. Getting it professionally appraised might be a good idea. When you say Marc, I presume your referring to Marc Blake? I think he's a decent choice. Before you send it you might also want to put the whole thing up via a link in PDF to another site. This will give people chance to check the plot over, as this is where first time writers fail. I would also leave it for two weeks to a month before you send it anywhere. When you read it fresh you'll notice things that can be improved or plain just don't work.

I'm not sure if this is how you've set it out just for this site or how it is in your actual script? You don't need capitals for action any more or brackets for long pieces of action. You could download final Draft, as this would set everything out correctly for you. Or down load some scripts from BBC Writers room as most will be set out using final draft,

Hope that helps and good luck with it.

Thank you so much!

I have a full episode and am now learning the accuracy of the phrase 'writing is rewriting'. I keep going back over everything and having those breaks, allowing a return with fresh eyes , are essential.

I have downloaded a basic script template from the bbc writers room to try and ensure that I follow industry guidelines on format etc . However I will look at final draft as well if this is the accepted standard.

Will try and sort out the pdf as well for here once I feel able to share in full (may be a while yet )

Quote: James @ 21st November 2017, 1:40 PM

However I will look at final draft as well if this is the accepted standard.

View original

Don't bother - too expensive, certainly at this early stage.
Personally I would use the BBC Writers Room screenplay template - much more user friendly.

https://downloads.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts/screenplaytv.pdf

Good luck!

If you've got an iPad or iPhone, the Final Draft Writer app is £20. That's what I use.

Quote: beaky @ 21st November 2017, 6:32 PM

If you've got an iPad or iPhone, the Final Draft Writer app is £20. That's what I use.

View original

What, you mean you didn't write The Rebel on an Underwood no 5!!

What would Henry say?

Don't tell him, Will!

What I read of it was quite good but I especially liked the whole sitcom idea which I now might legally nick and use myself. Thanks a lot James. (I won't really.)

In other words your only mistake was posting this online. It could be a critical mistake if you had a commissionable sitcom script because you've just given your sitcom away for free.

It was only a bit of it!

Yes, of the script just a bit, but after giving away the whole premise and situation which is the most valuable part of a new sitcom if any good, which I'm sure this is.

Just a give a scene like you did, James, but with no intro and definitely no synopses. If someone online asks you to explain the whole concept say 'Don't be silly'. Or give a made up one to conceal the real one if you feel you have to be civil.