I could deal with either of those to be honest!
Normally not into beards, but he even carries that off. <3
Who do you fancy? Page 1,277
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 27th August 2017, 9:47 AMThe joys of photoshop... When I had my porn phase I couldn't understand where they found all these beautiful women - and if they were beautiful, why were they doing porn? Can't look too good on the CV. It was only later that I realised it was all photoshop, lighting, make-up etc. You should see them beforehand (no pun intended). Actually, you shouldn't.
Razzle readers' Wives forum. Some threads may be sticky.
When I was at college I fancied a girl I used to see sometimes who was doing a hospitality course in a building next to me. She was a pretty girl but quite shy and I think she just didn't want to tell me to bugger off. We made small talk and I kept asking her out for a drink but never got anywhere. I made no secret that I fancied her and that was probably my biggest mistake.
Not long after that while having a ganders at a lads mag with mates (we were still at the age when we would buy one occasionaly while out in town for a quick gawp at and then chuck it away) I saw the same girl doing a full nudity, group shot. It was all softcore like Escort or Razzle so there was no vulgarity of hardcore material but I was surprised and a little saddened that she had chosen that course of career. I could also think fair play to her and it's probably well paid and the working conditions are very professional. I don't buy those kinds of mags anymore so have no idea if she's still in the industry.
Quote: zooo @ 27th August 2017, 3:11 PMI could deal with either of those to be honest!
Normally not into beards, but he even carries that off. <3
The beard and tash give him an aura of trustworthiness.
I don't really like the way he looks without a beard (he has a glorious one right now btw).
His beard makes him look smiley without even smiling. And then when he does smile, it's just delightful! I had so much fun seeing him.
People say, Were you sad when Mel C got married? I said, No. Because it made very little difference to the chances of me and Mel ever etc. Yes, one good-looking, multimillionaire, critically and commercially adored international megastar; one strikingly unattractive, sad lonely pathetic, humourless styleless soulless, overweight balding bespectacled, socially inept incompetent impotent, foul-mouthed, cynical, geeky nerdy turdy, moaning-groaning-griping-whingeing-whining, fashion unconscious, stinky-armpitty, alcoholic wankoholic spunkaholic total and utter f**king wanker who's never achieved anything in life except a degree in Latin, LATIN ffs, even you think that's about as much use as a wank mag in a feminist convention, oh and an infantlie pitiable obsession with the universe's officially most overpaid undertalented girl '''''group''''' ever that went out of date 20 years ago and even then they were f**king shit and called the Spice Girls, and let's not forget only one friend and that's just on Facebook and it's next door's Labrador and it's only using you for food and still won't shag you? No, I don't think Mel's wedding significantly tipped the odds.
Quote: Definitely Tarby @ 27th August 2017, 3:30 PMEscort or Razzle so there was no vulgarity of hardcore material but I was surprised and a little saddened that she had chosen that course of career. I could also think fair play to her and it's probably well paid and the working conditions are very professional. I don't buy those kinds of mags anymore so have no idea if she's still in the industry.
Razzle wasn't hardcore but it was ever so slightly vulgar.
I don't buy such literature either. There's the Net.
The vibe today is that women who achieve success through sexuality are not only cool but just, like, totally awesome, dude. Like, Melania always looks fabulous etc. Unfortunately, there are two snags:
1. 99.9999999% don't have the option. I teach teenage girls and I'm sick of telling them to be themselves and then seeing them bombarded with images they couldn't possibly achieve, and even if they could, it would be in the name of money and spunk.
2. Melania lets Donald Trump put his schlong in her mouth. It stinks of compromise. And not only compromise. And people tell ME to wash my mouth out.
Quote: Firkin @ 27th August 2017, 2:16 PMMiley Cyrus is also believed to suffer from this
No. She enjoys it.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 28th August 2017, 12:55 PMPeople say, Were you sad when Mel C got married? I said, No. Because it made very little difference to the chances of me and Mel ever etc. Yes, one good-looking, multimillionaire, critically and commercially adored international megastar; one strikingly unattractive, sad lonely pathetic, humourless styleless soulless, overweight balding bespectacled, socially inept incompetent impotent, foul-mouthed, cynical, geeky nerdy turdy, moaning-groaning-griping-whingeing-whining, fashion unconscious, stinky-armpitty, alcoholic wankoholic spunkaholic total and utter f**king wanker who's never achieved anything in life except a degree in Latin, LATIN ffs, even you think that's about as much use as a wank mag in a feminist convention, oh and an infantlie pitiable obsession with the universe's officially most overpaid undertalented girl '''''group''''' ever that went out of date 20 years ago and even then they were f**king shit and called the Spice Girls, and let's not forget only one friend and that's just on Facebook and it's next door's Labrador and it's only using you for food and still won't shag you? No, I don't think Mel's wedding significantly tipped the odds.
All is not lost because I read an interview with Mel C and she said her favourite song is Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder and she once picked up a Readers Digest while waiting in a boutique and read a story about Ancient Rome which she thought was 'really really good'. Her words not mine. Serenading her with Sir Duke translated to Latin is worth a try.
Plus she regrets having all those bloody stupid tattoos.
My psychologist told me to stop talking about Mel C. I said, Things will never be the same again.
Whenever you ask people if they'd have a tattoo, they say No, cos it's permanent. Of course it's permanent. It's a tattoo.
My local tattoo shop has a sign in the window with a picture of Christopher Walken and the words "No Appointment needed. Walkens welcome".
I've never had a tattoo because I can't decide what I want but when I was a teenager I wanted to copy all of Axl Rose's arm tattoos. My mum said she would kill me if I got a tattoo but that's not why I never did. Honest, guv.
My mother said, If you get a tattoo, I'll kill myself. I thought, Hang on, this is too easy. (adapted from Bob Monkhouse)
My wife's attractive. I'd shag her.
I thought that picture of Natasia Demetriou on BCG was Kate Nash until I saw her on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown last night and she's very funny. It was a repeat but I had never heard of her before and she has a brand of humour I like. If I ever hear her sing again I might have to top myself though.
My fave lads' quote is, I'm not really into Cameron Diaz but if she came knocking on my door at midnight... A tad improbable, don't you think?
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 6th September 2017, 3:50 PMMy fave lads' quote is, I'm not really into Cameron Diaz but if she came knocking on my door at midnight... A tad improbable, don't you think?
And in the unlikely event she did turn up on their doorstep at midnight it would probably be during a crisis like a broken down Limo or her chauffeur has had a heart attack. The last thing she would be thinking about is rumpo and any notion of that would definitely ruin any chance of it in the future.
It's the same idealism as "I wouldn't say no" 
Like Minnie Driver is going to walk up to me and say she likes the fat gut and questionable odour image and is well up for it if I am.
The other classic lads' one is, 'I wouldn't kick Cameron Diaz out ofbed for farting.' No, you wouldn't. Cameron Diaz can afford luxury 88-star hotels with jacuzzis and swimming pools and yachts outside; if she did choose the embrace of a smelly, alcholic, nose-picking fattie under his sweat-stained, nicotine-drenched, spunk-ridden duvet... You'd probably tolerate the occasional pump.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 7th September 2017, 11:35 AMa smelly, alcholic, nose-picking fattie under his sweat-stained, nicotine-drenched, spunk-ridden duvet...
Speak for yourself.