This Sketch is more for visual effect, so try imagining it.
SCENE: IN A CLUB
THE MUSIC IS PLAYING, THE DANCE FLOOR IS FULL OF PEOPLE SHOWING OFF THEIR MOVES.
THE CROWD BREAKS, ALL MOVE INTO A CIRCLE, DANCERS TAKE TURNS GOING INTO THE MIDDLE TO SHOW WHAT THEY CAN DO.
THEN A CAR DRIVES INTO THE MIDDLE, THE CROWD ARE ALL LOOKING EXCITED, NEXT THE CARS BREAK LIGHTS STARTS FLASHING, AND THE CROWD GO CRAZY.
MAN 1 TO MAN 2: I dont get it why's that good.
MAN 2 TO MAN 1: I love it when he brake dances.
What on earth does a can have headlights for? This sketch is a bewilderbeest.
SORRY WAS MENT TO SAY CAR, HAVE CHANGED IT NOW
That's a groaner, and not in a good way!
It should say 'breaks dancers'but then the joke doesn't make sense.
Quote: roscoff @ March 6, 2008, 3:30 PMIt should say 'breaks dancers'but then the joke doesn't make sense.
'breaks dancers'? I thought it was a play on 'brakes'. This sketch confuses me more each second.
ok it worked when i wrote it, in my mind anyway, it was supposed to be a crack on break dancing, the cars break lights flashing and the crowd of dancers loving it. like i said more a visual sketch.
I think you need to think whether it's something people have ever wondered. For example, people have wondered what it would be like if nice sweet grans had filthy tongues. Or they have wondered what it would be like if you could hear the internal monolgue of two conflicting friends. Therefore those things, while not funny in themselves, could at least be the basis for humour.
But as no one has ever wondered what it would be like if a car breakdanced, I'm not sure that's such fertile ground.
but its not really a car break dancing, its a car flashing its break lights, so its a play on break dancing, but not actually break dancing.
I stand corrected. Millions have wondered what it would be like if a car flashed its lights on the dance floor.
Anyway - my point is that source material is all important. A good idea is easy to write, but a weak idea will probably never be funny. In my opinion, this is an idea that has marginal appeal at best.
ok thank you for your input, at least you gave some feedback.
think it's not clear due to a typo -
I love it when he break dances (as opposed to dancers)
to make it even clearer, maybe 'I love it when he brake dances' ?
yeah your right, like a said it would be more a visual sketch, il put that in, cheers.
Kminty, look I like to think I'm as fair a critic as any one. It's jsut not very funny, it's a pretty weak central premise, and its awfully obvious what the punch is going to be.
Nothing wrong with trying again. I remember a famous comedy writer putting it thus,
"Man walks down street slips on banana skin not funny"
"Man walks down street see's banana skin, steps to side falls down man hole, funny"
With comedy, people either get your jokes, or they don't.
Wouldn't most people assume it was the Hazard Warning Lights flashing?
Funnily enough, I've often wondered ...