I saw some terrible parenting in a pub yesterday: a mum and dad let their son run around the place in a Spider-Man costume, whacking people with a light sabre. I mean, that's trying to combine the Marvel universe with Star Wars: are there no standards anymore?!
Peter Pan, the guy who never grew up... So what? How many guys do?
I dated a frog, but it wasn't really Kermitted.
All I did in 1988 was listen to my dad and jerk off to Patsy Kensit. Lucky I never got mixed up... Ewwww, gross! Liistening to Patsy Kensit.
A man came to my door and said 'I am conducting a survey, how did you find our meatless bacon, fatty'
I bonked Bugs Bunny and then won the lottery. Must be my lucky rabbit's f**k.
For internet browsing I always use Chrome
But lately it has been asking me for money...
The page freezes and at the bottom it says 'waiting for cache'
I made an old tv chefs signature dish for tea tonight
She used tiny little birds and South African antelopes.
Thank you Mrs Craddock it was delicious.
You should try Fanny's tits and dik dik
My wife asked me to explain this joke she read in the paper yesterday....................and I couldn't help her. What have I missed ?
"Of all the materials on Earth to choose from, why did God advise Noah to 'go for wood' when building the Ark?"
I bought a blue overgarment in the south of France. It's my coat d'azure.
I saw a sign on a lamp post in town saying "Beware, thieves operating in this area." I know that the NHS is having problems at the moment but this is ridiculous.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 11th May 2017, 12:03 PMMy wife asked me to explain this joke she read in the paper yesterday....................and I couldn't help her. What have I missed ?
"Of all the materials on Earth to choose from, why did God advise Noah to 'go for wood' when building the Ark?"
It's a pun: the ark was made from "gopher wood" according to the Bible, which is a substance that has never been identified with an existing tree. It's got nowt to do with the US animal the gopher.
So, go for sounds like gopher, but that aside I don't think the joke really works.
Steve Jobs has named his kids after the benefits of fame. Hand and Blow.
Apparently, 50% of comedians do canadian gags. I say 50 percent - it's not an exact figure, but it's there or thereaboot
I swapped a quantity of root vegetables for some pure gold - it's a 24 carrot deal..
I dreamt a joke last night. In the dream I had to do stand-up one a rickety ladder, and this is what I said: "The vicar keeps ringing the church bell to tell me in morse what sort of caravan I own. Hey, reverend, knell me something I don't tow!"
