Fun in funeral
I don't know if this story is funny or a little tragic but is is absolutely true and word for word.
I have no need to embellish the story as I couldn't make this up.
A relative of mine died a few years back and I was asked to attend their house when the funeral director came to make the arrangements.
I was there as it was to be a slightly unusual funeral and they wanted me to help with suggestions and take notes.
They had decided the deceased was not in any way religious and so did not want a religious service.
I didn't know it at the time - but this causes big problems.
To be polite, this family are a bit eccentric.
And, there was just about every relative there in the packed out living room
The funeral director asked his usual questions but did not receive the usual answers.
He asked 'buried or cremated?' A long debate ensued with the most unbelievable questions and answers.
'If he is cremated can he still come back and see us?'
'If we only get the ashes, how can we be sure it's him'
'Do you get bits of burnt wood in the urn'
They didn't like the sound of a cremation and decided a burial would be the better option.
I bet the undertaker regretted asking which cemetery and which area of that cemetery they would like him interned.
Twenty minutes or more of debate on which cemetery.
'not that one. not many busses go that way and with my bad leg I can't walk from the town center'
'But there is a co'op close by - you like the co'op.
There was even ' definitely not that one - I have heard it's a gay meeting place'
The proximity of the Co'op eventually clinched it.
Which area?
Not by the roadside, there can be a lot of noisy traffic down that road
Under a tree, it'll keep the rain off.
Not on the main thoroughfare through the cemetery though - I have seen dogs wee on the headstones there.
They were just about settled on the far right corner under a tree, not near the road and out of the way of pissing dogs
when somebody said 'oh he can't go there, Ronnie Birch and his wife are buried there - and he never got on with his wife.
The undertaker then broached the subject of a none-religious service and burial.
He told them of the Humanist society.
Nobody had heard of them (including me) but he said, they will conduct it and talk about his life
with no mention of God.
They liked that.
Then the bombshell.
No church or crematorium (if they change their minds) will allow a none-religious service
They will have to book their own venue to hold the funeral.
With time being of the essence and no one being prepared to hold a funeral on their premises
They eventually managed to book a pub for it,
To be continued............... The funeral.
