Never been to France, but took 3 years of French in college. Somehow this weird toilet thing never came up in conversation.
Things that piss you off Page 1,709
The Frog squat toilets are not as common as they once were, and the pissoirs add a lingering aroma of ammonia to the urban air. It's the Dutch toilets that are odder, with those "inspection shelves".
Not seen the Dutch toilets but I have seen rivers of urine in Paris and geezers just whip it out for a slash anywhere. Not just once, all the time.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th April 2017, 9:00 AMNot seen the Dutch toilets but I have seen rivers of urine in Paris and geezers just whip it out for a slash anywhere. Not just once, all the time.
Finally, people sticking with the thread title and not going off topic.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th April 2017, 9:00 AMNot seen the Dutch toilets but I have seen rivers of urine in Paris and geezers just whip it out for a slash anywhere. Not just once, all the time.
Yes. Only thing I liked about Paris was the advertising pillars in the street, and perhaps a handful of other visual delights, but apart from that my other senses were assaulted constantly with new experiences that just made me want to get the f**k out of there.
It was so dirty you could actually taste it in the air, my ears were abused with relentless rudeness for no reason at all, the food was dreadful as all I could get were soggy crepes, the wine was ridiculously expensive even by the glass and to add insult to injury, I collapsed on the platform at metro station on way back to Charles de Gaulle as I found I couldn't breathe. Turned out after my fiancé picked me up and dragged me onto the train that a guard said the gendarme sometimes use tear gas to disperse football crowds, and that must be why, in addition, my eyes were both streaming and on fire as it hangs around from night before.
Was so relieved to be breathing again properly on the train, but it wasn't long before I realised that every single train we'd been on had stunk of stale garlic, body odour and farts.
Fopdoodle Garlic French farts sounds like a new flavour of crisp.
OK I've been sucked in by all this toilet talk. When we were backpacking in Thailand they just had a hole and a hose. So you douched your bum. Apparently this allows for much cheaper, smaller drainage system and in a hot country, you don't want to be wiping (fly's). It's little wonder France never colonised Thailand with these sort of shenanigans going on in the toilet. We get surprisingly little innovation in the toilet department, do you think a hose and a hole might catch on with the current affordable housing crisis ? Because technically it's cleaner and you've got a bidet throwing in for free. Let's have a heady debate.
Okay, to 'get off the toilet' talk, by contrast to France, shortly after when I went to Germany to meet my fiancé's parents, I was stunned by how immaculately clean and beautiful it was, and it became a game of mine to try and find a single piece of litter anywhere on the street. It was just like I imagined Sweden, Switzerland or Norway to be.
Only drawback there being that I should have lost a load of weight given that there was virtually nothing I could eat, but I must have put on a stone because the beer was amazing and I filled up mainly on bread because even their potato salad has lard in it.
AND, the people have a fantastic sense of humour, so I don't know where that myth came from, though there is a strong trend for mullets and a fondness for heavy metal music . . . but strangely they also love Mr. Bean and David Hasselhoff, so I guess they like all goofy clowns.
Quote: fopdoodle @ 9th April 2017, 5:36 PMAND, the people have a fantastic sense of humour, so I don't know where that myth came from, though there is a strong trend for mullets and a fondness for heavy metal music . . . but strangely they also love Mr. Bean and David Hasselhoff, so I guess they like all goofy clowns.
And Freddie Frinton.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 9th April 2017, 9:16 AMFinally, people sticking with the thread title and not going off topic.
I speak on behalf of my neighbors this time. 'Things that piss them off'
Mainly - me.
I keep doing things that unintentionally upset them or things out of my control happen.
To be fair, it's like a retirement community where I live. It's a cul de sac and everyone is retired except me and my wife
I actually retired a few years back but gradually I was coaxed back to work - I say coaxed as I loved my job and it's more like a hobby than work. (and I only take on jobs that I love doing)
But all of these neighbors are virtually automatons - same thing in the same order every day.
It's like The Trueman Show. I can blindly quote what is happening at any point in time.
So anything out of the ordinary ruffles their feathers and they gang together in the street to tut tut.
For instance; the other day a pile of dogshit appeared at the end of my drive. Not on my drive - but on the pavement.
I didn't see it as I jump in my car and drive away but 'hell's grannies' did.
Because I have a dog, it was automatically assumed it was his shit and I hadn't cleaned it up.
The first I knew was when a deputised posse confronted me about cleaning up the mess MY dog had made.
It wasn't and couldn't have been my dog but the jury had already decided the verdict GUILTY m'lud.
This pile of poo must have been there a while as it was dry and hard. So in the interests of keeping the peace
I picked it up with my bare hands and put it in the dustbin under the watching eyes of all the Terrorhawks.
Still not good enough. Someone said I hope you are going to wash your hands now - no, I'm going to eat my food with em before that. Then 'it's illegal to put dog crap in a dustbin' illegal eh?
and finally; we have reported you to the council.
And they had!
I got a visit from the dog warden. Nuisance barking and defecating in the street.
She (the warden) was a lovely woman but I still had to listen to a recital about fines and consequences of dog dirt on the pavement. And, she told me she had hung about my house for an hour to listen for nuisance barking. (he barked once when the postman came)
So, to my neighbors; sorry for pissing you all off.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 11th April 2017, 9:34 AMFor instance; the other day a pile of dogshit appeared at the end of my drive. Not on my drive - but on the pavement...
...And, she told me she had hung about my house for an hour to listen for nuisance barking. (he barked once when the postman came)
Sounds like a good arc for three episodes of The Rebel.
I liked the bit about telling you to wash your hands. 
I could go on..............ok I will
I have been meaning for a while to replace my burglar alarm panel. (some buttons do not work and I can't put the code in)
This is where it gets to 'why did I do that'
I suddenly had a thought, instead of replacing it (because it's a complicated process as you will see)
I could buy a remote keypad and fix it right next to the alarm panel. Lovely.
I set about the job but for some unknown reason - i decided to press the keys on the original to see which ones didn't work.
(they of course make an audible beep if they do)
and I pressed the 'evacuate' button which bloody did work.
Now the alarm siren is going off at over 110 Db and I have no way to shut it off.
Not only that - the panel is going nuts flashing all it's lights and the internal sounder is at full volume.
CRAP!
The only way to turn it off is to put the code in - which doesn't work. (either that or get a ladder and smash it off the wall)
The hyenas are soon gathering. I can't hear a thing they are saying but I can see the gestures and pointing.
I pull the battery and the power to the panel which shuts off the internal sounder - but the outside alarm
is still bellowing it's strident message.
In case you didn't know; outside alarms generally have their own battery and will not shut off until the correct code is entered or a time lapse from the panel is programmed into it. If you do as I did - the thing won't shut off until the battery is dead, which could have been 24 hours.
Once again the coven is at my door asking if I knew my alarm was going off - she had to shout it and shout 'turn it off'
'I can't' met with looks of disbelief. They are convinced I do these things just to annoy them.
Now trying to read instructions for the new keypad under extreme pressure and noise is pretty panic inducing.
It took me half an hour to temporarily get the wires in the right terminals and at last put the silence code in.
Phew it was finally off - the crowd dispersed and I sat down to recover.
Enter- the wife. Frowns at the new keypad just hanging on wires in the hall.
'I don't like that, always the same with you - half a job'