I thought a sycophant was an ill pachyderm.
Tell us a joke Page 192
When can you fit a canoe in a toy gun? When it's cap sized.
Mike Ashley should make a success of Agent Provocateur, after all he's been specialising in flimsy, barely there material for years -
Or as they're also known, zero hour contracts.
Quote: Nick81 @ 2nd March 2017, 6:48 PMMike Ashley should make a success of Agent Provocateur, after all he's been specialising in flimsy, barely there material for years -
Or as they're also known, zero hour contracts.
We now know Newcastle United's new strip for next season.
My mum accidentally threw out all my Elvis records. I said: "Well that's alright mama".
I tossed off six this morning:
I got a job as an gravedigger there wasn't an opening
Thought burying people is the last thing I would do
Covered up a few things
Tried bagging potatoes didn't get the sack, got the sack, still got the sack, took the sack home.
Got my collar felt by a dry cleaner turned policewoman.
Crime was like a drug, I stole some ibuprofen.
If anyone is interested in tasting anymore of the dribblings get in touch.
Two edits, three with this one as I literally dreamt them this morning as I woke and wrote them down on my phone in bed as a text, made two errors. Nice night and woke up laughing.
Tony Blair is talking to Donald Trump about being a Middle East Peace Envoy.
Oh - hang on a minute. That looks like it's true!
How many McCanns does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - Somebody's already taken it out.
Anal is the opposite of tedious. Bores the shit INTO you.
I won a contest to f**k corrupt politicians in the ass... Come up trump's? I sure did.
Finally finished weaving my herb belt. Complete waist of thyme.
Quote: gappy @ 11th March 2017, 10:19 AMFinally finished weaving my herb belt. Complete waist of thyme.
Loved that, still chuckling.
Curtains, the bats of the textile world.
Sell radiators and spread a little warmth
There's nothing like a cup of tea in bed, that's why they developed rubber sheets.
Think of a mattress as a giant Lady Tena pad
The change gives a woman chance to give men a pause.
47% of the clergy develop pedophile tendencies because they feel alone and isolated and lack the healthy outlet of marriage. The rest just like f**king kids.
I'm writing a book about Lady Diana and Camilla. It's called 'Charles' Dickings'.
I like history but there was always one dick going, 'Oh no, not f**king history AGAIN, I f**king HATE history, it's so f**king BORING, why can't we do something I like?' What a bad teacher she was.
What's the difference between an auditioner and a homosexual? An auditioner wants to call back.
Quote: gappy @ 11th March 2017, 10:19 AMFinally finished weaving my herb belt. Complete waist of thyme.
Great gag!