INT. MEETING ROOM - DAY
Two MARKETING EXECS sit opposite a kindly old businessman (ADDIS).
EXEC 1
Ok, Mr Addis, we've finalised our proposal for your company's rebranding. I think you'll be pretty pleased with the results.
ADDIS
Well, I'm not sure we really need rebranding. Wisdom Toothbrushes is a household name with over 235 years of history.
EXEC 2
And you wanna know why your sales are dropping? It's that name.
ADDIS
Wisdom?
EXEC 1
Exactly! 'Wisdom'! Do you have any idea how elitist that sounds?
EXEC 2
Mr Addis, in today's climate, the average consumer doesn't like to feel belittled. Especially by oral hygiene products.
EXEC 1
Exactly. They've been told to distrust anything that might appear informed or intelligent.
EXEC 2
Yes, people don't want to feel like their toothpaste is more intelligent than they are. Even though, in a lot of cases, that may well be true.
ADDIS
But what about our history? My great great great grandfather William Addis chose that name when he mass produced the prototype tooth cleaning device he invented from a tube of glue and some leftover bristles!
EXEC 1
Is that all true?
ADDIS
Of course it is! It's on Wikipedia!
EXEC 2
Mr Addis, we don't have time to fact-check all the details of this little conversation via Wikipedia.
EXEC 1
And anyway, from now on, your company will be known as...Reem.
ADDIS
What?
EXEC 2
No, Reem. Reem Toothpaste.
ADDIS
Is that...even a word?
EXEC 1
Absolutely. It's a popular slang term that means 'really good'.
ADDIS
Does it?
EXEC 2
Of course it does! It's on Urban Dictionary!
EXEC 1
Now, your new ad campaign. Picture this: Joey Essex--
ADDIS
I can't picture that. I don't know who that is.
EXEC 2
He's basically this generation's Lord Robert Winston.
EXEC 1
Ok, so picture Joey, surrounded by hot women.
EXEC 2
We're talking proper stunners.
EXEC 1
All in bikinis.
EXEC 2
Obviously. And in the middle, there's Joey, and these stunners are literally throwing themselves at him. And there's his winning smile, cue winning voiceover...
EXEC 1
"Reem Toothpaste: Gets you hella laid and that."
EXEC 2
And next to that, a line of suggestive emojis depicting the dirtiest sex act we can get past the Advertising Standards Agency.
ADDIS
Is that even in English? That all sounds awful!
EXEC 1
Trust us. It's a winner. People will lap it up.
ADDIS
But what's wrong with promoting good oral hygiene? Talking about the health benefits of regular brushing?
EXEC 2
Boring. You're boring me.
EXEC 1
Also, that sounds like science to me. People don't want science these days, Mr Addis. Science is the enemy.
ADDIS
But just last week, the Department of Health issued new guidelines--
EXEC 2
Stop! No no no! People definitely don't want the government's opinion on anything!
EXEC 1
Although, is there any way we can get those guidelines re-written by Philip Schofield? People might listen then.
ADDIS
Does he work for the Department of Health?
EXEC 2
It's only a matter of time.
ADDIS
No! I'm sorry, this is not what I imagined at all!
EXEC 1
Ok, we hear you, Mr Addis. Maybe tell us what you were thinking?
ADDIS
Well, I thought we could focus more on the contradictory advice people have been getting about brushing their teeth. I think sometimes people can feel lost, out of control even--
EXEC 2
Ok. Wow. Wait. Got it. How about: "Reem Toothpaste: Take Back Control"!
EXEC 1
That's the one.
ADDIS
Mmm. I could see that working.
EXEC 2
Brilliant! That's settled! Thank you for your time Mr Addis, now if you'll excuse us, we've got a meeting with the CEO of Tampax.
EXEC 1
Or as they'll now be known, Vajazzle Empowerers.
