One year on, five drafts later Page 3

Hey maffew this is a sitcom right? Shouldn't you be focusing on your main character in every episode. Not a different character in each. You don't need loads of info or back story either that would be comedy drama. wondering have you ever read any comedy books on how to write comedy they could really help with development of characters, structure and plot. The best one I've read is How Not To Write A Sitcom by Marc Blake. I've seen him post stuff on the forum. I still refer to it from time to time. Could be worth taking a look.

Just posted a revised version of sitcom Doomed in the same thread as the old one. Would be great if you have the time to take a look and critique it again.

cheers mate.

hey, i've actually just finished the episode. link below.. I think it works quite well now. I don't think there's anything wrong with focusing on a different character each episode. the supporting characters will be there the whole time, each character just gets their own narrative...i don't think I have any backstory here..it pretty much gets straight to it..

https://www.pdf-archive.com/2016/11/21/live-work-11-21-latest/live-work-11-21-latest.pdf

that said you know, it's constantly evolving... every single day it changes, generally for the better

Hello maffew

It's defiantly getting there and your right its improving all the time, just a few points.

You've removed all the back story and info good.

Maybe get rid of the swearing. It doesn't really make the lines any better and I don't think it fits in with your comedy style.It might put production company's off. You now need to work on those lines and make them more funny.

Watch as many sitcoms as you can and see how lines work in them. Maybe buy some script books of your favourite sitcoms and see how the lines are put together. I would print the script off. I find when looking at a computer screen it kills my creativity. Go through the lines with a pen polishing them up, try different lines in there place. Also remember theirs no time limit to it, production company's aren't going to vanish. The more you work on them the better there'll get.

The female character Steph might be worth using her as the main character through each episode. Basing a sitcom about a female character might give your more chance of getting it developed by a production company. Just my opinion.

Good luck with your writing.

with two days to go before the Blaps deadline, I started over.. I didn't like it so I threw it all out, kept the same characters I've been writing all this time, but just changed the whole thing - got rid of the plot completely. I think it's much better.. it's much more a first episode of a sitcom now. It took me 2 months to write 25 pages last time, I wrote 20 pages of this new draft in 2 days... that's got to be a good thing. I've oddly gone back to my original concept, I've been taking feedback and advice from too many people and it's muddled the whole thing - it became 4 different peoples ideas of what my own thing should be.. so now I'm trusting my gut and writing from a place i know about, people i know and it's coming so much quicker. Whereas my first ever draft crammed too many ideas into one, and a lot of my others went way too far from the concept, this new one is bang on I think. I don't think I'll be submitting any more scripts for feedback here until after the deadline though - although it's been a very valuable process, each time i've submitted something after working on it for days and days it's become something else, and I've only arrived at the point I'm at now thanks to you guys and some other friends who've helped with feedback.. so thanks! I'll post the finished script if it's of any interest thanks for the feedback and for helping me get to this point!

Trouble with this place is you get a lot of good advice and you get a lot of shit advice.
Learning which is which is a skill in itself.
I, of course, count myself amongst the legion of the 'good' - but I may be delusional.
And it's frustrating when you see advice that's just plain wrong being doled out.
Not sure what can be done about that, though.
Good luck with your entry - tell us how you get on.

I deffo got some good advice - getting rid of pages of description*, getting into action quickly, setting a scene more efficiently, having distinct plot points.. all good advice, it just got a bit muddled for me - it wasn't just here either, i was showing it to friends, other writers, some people not really qualified to give feedback too - some people said it's great, don't change a thing! send it! other people said why isn't it set in a warehouse? it feels like it doesn't corrolate with with treatment...

And ultimately that's what got me - it NEEDS to be set like entirely or at least mostly in a warehouse for it to work and to keep costs down. It needs to be a fairly standard sitcom setup - there's a reason there are standards for sitcoms.. I was trying to think too outside the box and i've done things like in my first ever draft i had a guy from the council coming round, it took up half the episode.. now I have him being viewed through a peep hole, a hint at a threatening character lurking, ready to be seen in later episodes..it's taken two months of writing 10 hours a day to get here, but I'm finally on the right track (i think)! I've actually just sent it off to channel 4 - it's not quite ready, but the deadline's today.. it doesn't matter if nothing happens, i can work on it more and send it off to writers room next year.. or whatever! I've always been willing to throw everything out and start over if it really isn't good enough - and I have, over and over again.. but I think this is alright..

I'm gonna post it, it's quite scary posting it now, as i've just spent a long post explaining how i've nailed it hahaha I haven't, there's work to be done, I wrote it in two days - obviously there's work to be done, but y'know.. it's better than it was... Anyway, if you don't like it well.. bleeeeh!!!

https://www.docdroid.net/WmhY10U/livework-c4.pdf.html

thanks in advance for reading, be gentle.. or rough and bear in mind it will inevitably be tweaked, but this is what I sent off.. just scanning through, there are a COUPLE of mistakes, but nothing major.. I'll let you know if I hear back from channel 4..

*that page of description is still in there, it's just not on the first page.. the scene is set before the descriptive stuff, it's the only bit i kept from the last draft..

Up to my ears at the moment - but will defo read.

Sorry about all the shit advice I keep posting but then again I am delusional.lol

On the using Steph as a main character. I was trying to say keep the same main character through each episode be it male or female.

I didn't thing channel four tuck sitcom material unless it was from a production company. Still I might be wrong and probably am. Annoying I would of entered.

You've been doing this for the Last two months ten hours a day. Now that's dedication and in the words of the great Roy Castle dedications what you need if you want to be a sitcom writer Yeeeaaahhh

Good luck with C4 blaps

Nah anyone can enter, it's like the writers room..I'm not pinning all my hopes on it or anything, its mainly been good writing to a deadline..

Kealy, it's no longer about a different person each episode by the way - although i still think thats a good idea and perfectly valid - it's more of an ensemble piece now, think fresh meat et al.. there's stronger more main characters but everyone gets their screen time..

That's it - it's finished! I've tweaked what i sent to C4, and this is properly finished now. I'm starting episode 2, just working out the structure. Hopefully it won't take as long this time (One and a bit years....) I'm just posting the finished thing because you helped me get to this point, I'm also posting the treatment to give you a better idea of where I'm coming from, and hopefully you like it! Won't be posting any more scenes or anything, I just thought I'd bring it around and share the fruits of my labour. Thanks so much for reading what you have, and taking the time to critique... I hope you like the finished, very different, much evolved story!

https://www.docdroid.net/OcYgTyA/treatment.pdf.html - Treatment https://www.docdroid.net/45kP9gu/live-work-final.pdf.html - Final Script