Nick mockery has been. Drinking his mom's white wine vinegar again. He'll cop it when his dad (the local vicar) gets home. The other cheek WILL be turned...
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 228
Frankie
1) Steals babies from Gypsies
2) Smuggles people from the UK into Calais
3) Shouts "he's in front of you!" at Pantos
4) Is ambivalent about Marmite
5) Never talks about the weather
6) Insists 'The Phantom Menace' is the best Star Wars Film
7) Wants Scotland to leave Great Britain but not The United Kingdom
8) Still plays the football pools
9) Is not sure what Brexit means
10) Describes Michael McIntyre as a comic
Perverse bugger!
Playfull is also perverse. His nickname refers of course to a full theatre of theatre lovers who have come to see his plays. Perverse because no one in fact attends any of the performances. There are no clues as to why. His last play was about a dog called bone. There was no title, no actions, no dialogue, no actors and no director. It did however come in well within budget for which he got an award.
The world's largest suspended butt cheeks once sucked up Franky Rage into the world's largest anus or Nigel Farage as he is commonly known. He was abducted by a UFO (Unidentified Foreign Orifice) as the French would say. It may feel warm and safe right now, but wait until Farage has a curry.
Nick Nockerty will once again don the red and white outfit this xmas at his local ELF petrol station in aid of The Wensleydale Heifer Society.
Local children will once again be treated to his varied festive season repertoire including a few classics such as;
"Did you know your parents are going to split up next week" and "Reindeer tastes just like pork when grilled".
Hildegard Titweavil had his own discount shopping day yesterday which he called Black Fly-day. He spent all year collecting house flies, blue bottles, dragon flies etc. for this momentous day but made a right pillock of himself by sleeping in and catching fly-flu.
Will Cam is the only under cover florist North of Watford.
His attention to detail in the execution of his duties is accurately detailed for all to see, on the inside wall of cubicle No3 of the gents at Sandbach Services. South bound.
Hildegard Titweavil once spent an entire afternoon following Martin Fry around Sheffield town centre, saying things like: 'it is him, isn't it?'; 'I'd know him anywhere'; 'oo, isn't he tall!', 'wow, his trousers are tight aren't they!', etc. etc.
Thing is, it wasn't him.
Frankie Rage made medical history recently when he became the first person to be diagnosed with phobo phobophobia. Phobophobia is a common fear of phobias, and phobo phobophobia is described as 'a fear of phobophobia' or a fear experienced before actually experiencing the fear of the feared phobias.
"I had no idea," said Frankie, "I only went in with a sniffle. The doctor explained my complete lack of symptoms was typical of this brand new and imaginary condition. He reckoned I was a shoe in for the Guinness book of records and he was nailed on for a Nobel prize, or a spot on I'm a celebrity at least."
Asked if having phobo phobophobia was a worry Frankie shrugged and wandered off.
Once again Playfull was out when his mom called around. That's 43 years he's managed to be out every Friday at 'mom time'. He'll miss me when I'm gone, she says. Well, he's missed her when she's been here..
Frankie has been teaching his pet spider to do octopus impersonations. He has reassured the RSPCA this won't arm the spider.
Nick Nockerty regularly wears a cricket protection "box" whilst shopping at his local Tesco superstore after several trolley attacks from an angered 85 year old who is adamant that he stole all the marmite.
Hildegard Titweavil is the world's foremost insect leg collector. Since her eye sight faded she now pays someone in India to collect them for her.
Not many people know but Nick has just retired from his position as Head Brewer at Ashburtons' Dalton Brewery. The brewery actually closed in 1904 so it is unclear why Nick was kept on for so long, nor how he got the job in the first place as the brewery was demolished before his grandmother was born, or why he is retiring at just 22 years of age, but there you go. [Bad back, I reckon].
Frankie Rage is an egg shell collector.
His prize egg shell is from a hard boiled egg breakfast taken by Rod Hull in 1972.
Emu had toast, for obvious reasons.