Brian Brane - sitdown comedian

I have noticed that many standup comedians these days use one liners of "jokes" to stamp their humour on your face. Unfortunately my humour is conceptual humour, it requires a lot of book reading and intelligence to undrstand, and then find mildly amusing. Which makes my humour somewhat disadvantaged on this planet.

BUT I can do "jokes" too.
I even used to do shows on the Moby boards.

These days I find it hard to tie my shoe laces, not because I am disabled in some way, but because I cannot be arsed.

Anyway, I think I should at least make an effort every now and again to write a "joke", so here is one:

I asked my son "Is the glass half full or half empty?"
He retorted "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE REST OF MY DRINK!?"

Do you have a day job, Brian? If so, I suggest you stick to it!

Yes, I have a job.
I am planning to continue with it too.

From your response I infer that you did not discover the humour in the joke.
Let me explain.
My son had a full glass of liquid.
I drink half of it, and ask:
"Is the glass half full or half empty?"
He then replies "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE REST OF MY DRINK!?"

If you think this planet isn't good enough for you why don't you go to another one?

Quote: Brian Brane @ 1st January 2015, 10:50 AM GMT

I asked my son "Is the glass half full or half empty?"
He retorted "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE REST OF MY DRINK!?"

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Quote: Brian Brane @ 1st January 2015, 10:50 AM GMT

my humour is conceptual humour, it requires a lot of book reading and intelligence to undrstand, and then find mildly amusing.

View original

"War & Peace", "Wuthering Heights", "The Tell Tale Heart"...any more before I have a chance to get your joke?

Quote: Brian Brane @ 1st January 2015, 10:50 AM GMT

Unfortunately my humour is conceptual humour, it requires a lot of intelligence to undrstand,

View original

What a shame we are not on the same planet as you. It must be so difficult having to put up with all us plebs.

What is this thread actually about Brian? Did you want feedback on your joke or perhaps a chat about how intelligent we have to be to get your humour? I don't get the joke and I don't get the 'sitdown' bit. If you are thinking of writing one liners you could learn a lot from Tim Vine.

The sit down bit, is because I am not getting out of my comfy seat to tell anyone anything.

I got your joke.
As you predicted I found it mildly amusing.

'What planet are you from?' is a phrase I have often had hurled at me and I have never thought of a suitable retort as I have always felt that it was out of my control, the planet.

I have never felt the need to offer anyone advice about their day job (keeping it or otherwise) as I have always believed that a boys moms sound advice is what's best regarding these matters. My mom was only too glad that I was able to get any sort of day job (considering..) I think she moved or something whilst I was at work, she've gone anyway..

Not getting out of ones comfy seat sounds OK as long as it's a commode..

Not so much as joke, more a telling.

Here's a joke:
I know Mark Kermode's brother, Wan.