SSTT has sired 14 children, 13 of whom were 'accidents'. This is all the more noteworthy for the fact that SSTT is of course the inventor of Self Sealing Tyre Technology. As such, one might have expected him to be fully conversant and expert with all rubber technologies, in particular that his own rubbers would be well sealed.
Frankie Rage cuts Neil Warnock's hair every other week. He insists on calling him Mr Warlock, which is ironic because he is one.
In order to discourage day-trippers from parking outside his Brighton bed-sit, Will Cam has constructed an 18-foot-long effigy of his hero and biological father Donald Trump, lying naked on the roadside in front of his property and painted in the colour's of the standard traffic cone.
Unfortunately, this is the third week that the reconstruction has been subjected to unusually high deposits of seagull droppings resulting in several thousand sea birds now taking nest amidst the many folds of said erection.
Hildegard Titweavil ate my hamster.
Definitely Tarby has just resigned his position as head of vote rigging for the Hillary Clinton camp. He said there was no way he could do as much damage to Trump's campaign as Trump was doing...
playfull has once again secured first place in the annual Nottinghamshire bog snorkelling championship.
A keen participant for many years he is easily spotted whilst buried in a dyke, by his trademark mauve crushed velvet shorts and white wellington boots.
Hildegard Titweavil once got her index finger stuck up a ducks arse, believing this would release an aromatic smell. Instead she got plumb sauce (or so she says).
Nick Nockerty has never had a job and is now looking forward to his retirement as he is worn out from all that hassle at the Job Centre. I might have been better off working he says, in retrospect.
Frankie Rage earned his name from a police officer thanks to his obsession with the 1985 Sister Sledge classic Frankie. The overwhelming niceness of it sends him in to a psychotic state and the last time he saw the video in 2002 resulted in five police officers being injured while trying to apprehend him. His real name is Gerald Rogers-Tomms but had his name changed by deed poll in 2009 to Frankie Charles Bronson Cher Rage.
Definitely Tarby has the only licensed breeding centre for the rare Turkish long haired forest hamster.
The timid rodent bears an uncanny resemblance to a lemon flavoured Mr Kipling French Fancy.
Hildegard Titweavil was a gargoyle at Hogwarts in the first Harry Potter film. Being a method actress she remained completely stoned for five months. Unfortunately she put on so much weight, that she never made the final cut.
Nick Nockerty is reknowned for his George Formby impression which he launches into with gusto at any unsuitable opportunity - like at funerals or traffic accidents - the last time this occurred an old lady had slipped on a crowded path and had split her head open. As the blood gushed and with the crowd in a panic all around the old dear, Nick launched into a blistering rendition of "Auntie Maggie's Homemade Remedy" "..never been know to fail, it's the stuff that will do the trick, sold in every chemist for one and a kick..." Well, done Nick, well done..
Frankie Rage was once a parliamentary under secretary for dogging and rimming.
Will Cam votes for Louis Walsh every week on the X Factor.
Hildegard Titweavil is the world's only raindrop juggler. But work is drying up.